Wednesday, September 09, 2009

YOUBIQUITOUS $ELLEBRITIE$




Many of you have probably been wondering why our world is in such dissarray.
I have tried to ascertain the primary source of our present discombobulation.

You see, up until the introduction of the interwebs, the "world" was organised so that only a few Earthlings were allowed to be famous. You are no doubt nodding in agreement.


Perhaps you can recall a simpler time when there were but a handful of celebrities; movie stars, politicians, athletes and the like. Now that the "great unwashed" have access to "the show" via Youtube, Blogs, Facebook and Twitter, and all hell is breaking loose.




Most of you are painfully aware that we have a limited capacity to store information..there is a reason that phone numbers have 7 digits. Now it is all but impossible to keep track of the seemingly endless array of pseudo-celebrities cluttering every form of communication.


When Andy Warhol suggested that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes he had no idea how awful that would be...and due to time constraints that figure may need to be compressed to 15 seconds.




We can't all be famous!
The lines on what constitutes being famous are getting blurry. When I was a lad the meritocracy of our culture was still in effect. Individuals became well known based on some form of achievement. Now $ellebrities are famous for being famous.

Why? Corporations and their advertising agents see the opportunity to sell something to you and they will reward anyone who attracts eyeballs. It doesn't matter whether or not they are an asshat or a genius.


We are a visual creature so IMAGE rules..recognisable people have become brands..what I call $ellebrities.





The human face and written ideas, are the two most powerful forces on Earth.


Many Icons such as Monroe, Hitler, and Elvis have sustained a measure of ubiquity that entices Joe Schmo. We see the opportunity to become Youbiquitous without actually accomplishing anything worthy of note.

With user friendly "impression management" tools like Facebook and Blogs, we can easily assemble a charm offensive designed to bloviate and gain recognition from people all over the world.


Isn't that awesome? I for one am delerious that I can flaunt my encyclopedic ignorance upon the world. The price of admission is an internet connection.


It is troubling that I have keep so much crap in my cerebral RAM. Why do I retain the awareness of the Numa Numa Guy


in the same files as Plato, Darwin, and Hiltons Paris and Perez?
UGH! Do you see what I mean?


I've read that our brains evolved to manage about 150 relationships because most of our journey has been spent in clans. Since the dawn of Civilization most people were forced to squeeze in a working knowledge of their Rulers and the accompanying Gods that arrived to support their claim of superiority.

Now we are faced with the millenial multitask of juggling useless data on hundreds, even thousands, of faces and bits of information. This gives me a brainrash because this is all bullsh*t!



My Grandparent's generation had encyclopedias. They didn't need to "know" that N'Djamena was the capitol of Chad or who Pete Best was. I feel like an idiot because I don't need to store so much useless information in my head because I have the Internet.

I don't need to remember which movie won the Best Picture Oscar in 1974, or what Cognitive Dissonance means, because the answer to almost any imaginable question is a few keyboard strokes away.


"Knowing" is virtually possible.

I should have 90% of my mental files scrubbed because I should only be using enough RAM to run my basic program. Hel-LO!


Those of you who graciously encourage my egregious display of impression management, and tolerate my shameless self promoting (yet hopefully deprecating) antics and diatribes, can appreciate that I am actually quite comfortable just being "some guy".

My cyberbluster and iconoclastic bombast may be well intentioned, a cry for help, and heartfelt but
A: who gives a f*ck what "i" think and
B:"i" have no illusions about persuading others.


You can make your own fun @ GlassGiant

What I love about each and every one of you (*nice touch eh?)
is that you folks represent the miniscule percentage of the human population which bothers to ask questions.
Plus you want to have fun, you're eager to share your own trivia, schadenfreude, and fanciful notions.
So, yes, I have finally and mercifully exhausted the thought forming in me 'ead.


Will we ever be allowed to return to a simpler time when ordinary people become famous for actually accomplishing something extraordinary?

11 comments:

  1. we have 8 digits for phone numbers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. D'OH!
    Well, there goes my theory all to hell!

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Will we ever be allowed to return to a simpler time when ordinary people become famous for actually accomplishing something extraordinary?"

    Nope. That would be logical...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry Donn, times they are a-changin'!

    I'm afraid times aren't simple anymore and extraordinary things have to be REALLY extraordinary to make someone famous. But it's not that bad. Just like Monthy Phyton's song goes... 'always look on the bright side of life' ;))

    ReplyDelete
  5. This post was 23% longer than it needed to be, thus was 13% more difficult to assimulate than was necessary, prompting me to skim over approximately 37% of what you wrote which means that I have "downloaded" and "filed" precious little of what you were probably intending to impart to me. If this is true of most of your other readers, then the inefficiencies increase with each reader and the tripping point on global warming might very well be reached during this point which will result in the whole point of this post being somewhat moot as the polar bears become extinct and we down here are forced to move up there when our air conditioners fail to make living in these temperatures bearable.

    Otherwise it was a great post, as usual.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Assuming we survive the apocalypse of 2012 or manage to fend off the machines, we can get back to people being famous for doing extraordinary things--like there goes Donn, who reinvented fire, after nuclear war wiped out all technology!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You can't fool me with that banana.

    I've read Subliminal Seduction, you know.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes - it's great to be able to find the meaning of 'Cognitive Dissonance' in a few seconds - but can Google tell me where I left my glasses?
    Unfortunately not!

    ReplyDelete
  9. We just moved in with my folks, as a waystation toward colder climes. My mom is 61, my dad 63. I had to explain to them why the Internet MUST be connected, without further delay, and why I needed it to stay sane.

    I might add that all they do is eat, nap, and watch re-runs of "Two and a Half Men."

    Even with the Internet, I may not survive.

    And here in Southern California, your phone number is 10 digits, because you must dial an area code to talk to anyone, and your area code defines who you are, e.g., if you live in the 909, but work in OC, you want to have a 714 area code for your cell phone, because then you supposedly look like less of a tool to potential lays. I know; it's complicated being so shallow.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You said it!The last question is the most important!I do hope so!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sooo... I'm not famous?

    ReplyDelete

Danke für das Kommentieren/Gracias por comentar/Merci du commentaire/Вы для комментария/Thank You for commenting/Σας ευχαριστώ για το σχολιασμό/Grazie per commentare/Tak for kommentaren...

click yer cursor matey...

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...