Friday, April 24, 2009

Like many of you I have longed to just sell out and become a parasitic celebrity gossip whore.

After three years (DUH!) I finally realised that nobody wants to learn about how or why Humans are such self destructive asshats. Better late than never.

So in the interests of catapulting my cyberstock into the $trato$phere, I am bidding a fond adieu to recycling scientificky crap and concentrating on what people really want in their personal blogging experience..celebrity dirt!

Say hello to Perez Bueller..
I may be a scum sucking wannabe leach..
but I'm your scum sucking wannabe leach!

I shall endeavour to make up as much bullsh*t as is humanly possible about all of those ungrateful line memorisers who by sheer dumb luck, just happened to have parents whose combined genetic pools inadvertentally produced impossibly handsome or outrageously beautiful offspring.

These people don't deserve to have it all just because of some fluke of nature?
Hell no!

So it's up to no talent hacks like me, and that other Perez whatshizface, to drag these Stars nyeh and their sorry asses down into the gutter for some payback.

This is why the muthaflippin' Interwebs was invented in the first place.
Interwebs inventor Al Gore had the foresight to understand the most basic of all human qualities and allow us to get our fix on a global scale..
the need to feed our schadenfreude!

*photo removed due to expiration of pharmacological agents in bloodstream
Please forward your personal list of Celebrities who you would like to see cut down to size. I'll be more than happy to invent outrageous rumors and create photoshopped pictures in an attempt to ruin their lives and make us feel better about being average.
Dear Perez Bueller,
I would dearly love to see some ridiculous but nonetheless feasible sh*t on _____________.


  1. i like the other stuff better. =p

  2. Nobody likes bad mouthing rich and famous people they don't know, Donny K.

    But, while we're here, can you spin some cock and bull about Tom Cruise? His white teeth are really starting to get me down.

  3. I want some Jen U wine dirt on that comment whore, the Donn of the Web, HOMOesCAPEians, and I want it so juicy it runs down our legs!

    Then shoot me, because I can't believe I just said what I humanity is surfacing........ARGGGGGG!

  4. Here's a challenge for YOU in M. Perez willing to blast Monica Belluci?;)

  5. You really should have posted some kind of liability disclaimer for that beach shot, or at least a warning.

  6. XMICHRANot to worry this is a lark..I am hellbent on disseminating tons and tons of my egregiously formulaic oversimplifications.

  7. I need some dirt on the Old Knudsen/George Clooney/Donn Coppens love triangle.

    And then I want The Michael's phone number.

  8. did you miss me as much as i missed you?

    i like learning about my inner destructive asshat nature. tell me more of this.....and of britneys cookie. that is also good.

  9. Cruelly slag on any one of them, I'll go for it.

  10. I would gladly strangle Perez Hilton. He symbolises all that is wrong with the world today - he is famous for talking about famous people, who themselves are famous for trivial or stupid reasons... You know, there was a comedian who turned herself into a "celebrity" in a month...
    Interesting concept, I like it :)

  11. Oh, there is too many to choose from! But since I'm such a gentleman, let's start with ladies first: attention whore Gloria Allred!

  12. but ...

    but ...

    what about organizing a mass darwinian event to clean the gene pool ?

    Im so sad. Theyve turned you.

  13. Humans are Asshats because........

    About time you came on board no point in trying to figure people out they are just morons.

    You be nice they stomp on you.

    You be a git and they fear you and plot to stomp on you.

  14. I want to hear about the MJ, Ponita and Old Knudsen triangle (but if you and the Clooney chap are involved does that make is a circle?)

  15. Duh - it's a love polygon

  16. WHO DA MAN?

    U Da MAN!

  17. I want to hear about the pope's sordid love affairs with Michael Jackson and his animals.

  18. Dear Perez Bueller,
    I would dearly love to see some ridiculous but nonetheless feasible shit on Mary-Kate Olsen.

  19. I want to hear about all the circles triangles and working mens clubs I'm in.

  20. Anonymous9:18 p.m.

    Sorry, I have no clue about these socalled celebrities. How does one become a celeber? And what does this mean?
    Want a lift?

  21. That mealy mouthed, smug, airbrushed Keira Knightly.....thankyou

  22. The Royals - kings, queens, princes and princesses. Academic publishers who make us pay, again, for access to research that taxpayers have already paid (exorbitant salaries and research grants) academics to write. Recording labels, movie producers and networks that are suing their customers for listening to or watching their content via channels not their own. Any lobbyist of for-profits.

    Get typing, Perez.

  23. Cameron Diaz stole my life!

    Go get 'em HE! You're worth ten of 'em any day of the week.

    Joan Collins said that everyone gets the face they deserve, but I would say that everyone gets the face they can afford in Celebrity land. If not flukishly-lucky in the gene pool stakes as you state.

  24. Of course, you could always sneak a flu epidemic virus in the LA coke supply...!

  25. Bwahahahahahahahaha. I love the new format.

    Hey! I know Poet from Moi's blog! Very cool.

  26. I want to hear triangles and perhaps a tambourine. Maybe MJ could play the tambourine?

  27. I think you need to investigate the connections between the current pandemic sweeping the globe, the Queen's recent visit to Turkey, and the Bavarian Illuminati.

  28. Anonymous1:01 p.m.

    Whoa! So you've decided to sell out too, eh?

    Good for you!

    I'd like to see some ridiculous but nonetheless feasible sh*t on Jaba the Hut.

    BTW, I left a precious award for you on my blog. This is a dubious honor because it is only for "special" people so you should consider yourself lucky.

  29. Thank You for all of your excellent suggestions.

    My ongoing battle with the Flu, which began shortly after my trip to Mexico? has left me drained and foggy..thanks in part to the phramacological weapons of warfare...Mommy, is that you Mommy?Hopefully the brainfog will clear in a few days and I can get back to my asshattery.

    Yours truly,

  30. Anonymous10:23 a.m.

    You are allowed to have a computer in the camp?

  31. Now why did you go and do that? Just when I was convinced this whole 'flu' thing was another stupid press trick, you go and get sick!

    Get better homey!

  32. I cant stand Perez Hilton! no wait, I'd like to stand on Perez Hilton like that puppy on the notebook!!!

    Perez Hilton is a load of CRAP times 100!



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