Wednesday, February 18, 2009

IZE IZE BABY!
By Professor Plotzenheimer


Homo Ezkapeonz haff a hard time getting zayr headz around der fact zat our planet iz very old. Der rezent threat uf global climate change needz to be viewed from a geologicalistical timeframe. Ven you look at a map of der vorld, try to recognize how rezent zis configuration really iz.


Ven ve are fretting about how ze polar regionz are melting ve need to focus on ze fackt zat Antarctica iz only 25 million yearz old, vich iz relatively new in geologicaliztical termz, zpezially ven you conzider zat der Eartt haz been around for 4.5 Billion yearz. Life on Eartt began in ze oceanz long before zer vaz any zurfaze land.

Around 750 MYA all of ze land zat had broken zrough der ozean zurfaz vas bunched up on ze ubercontinent known az Rodinia, zen fragmented und later rejoined az Pannotia 600 MYA ...
during vich time mozt of ze planet may haff been covered in a zheet of ize.

Ze lazt ubercontinent Pangaea formed 250 MYA.



Pangea zplit into Laurazia and Gondwana vich contained vat vould become Antarctica. Avrica und India broke hoff of vat iz now Antarctica about 160 MYA, und 40 MYA Auztralia vent valkabout. Ize covered ze entire continent 15 MYA.

Antarctica containz 90% of the world'z ize vich holdz 70% of the frezh vater. Iv it all melted der zea level vould rize 200 feet. Ze prezent pattern of ize agez began about 40 MYA und zen intenzified about 3MYA.

Ze polar regionz haf zinze undergone repeated zyclez of glaziation und thaw, repeating every 40–100,000 yearz, ze last ize age ended 10,000 yearz ago.


Zer haz been funf (5) mazz extinctionz zo far...99.9% of every livevorm zat haz ever exizted is now extinct.

Der current pozter zpeciez fur global varming iz der Polar Bear vich livz in ze North Pole...you knew zat right? Polar Bearz are a new creature zat evolved from der Brown Bear about 200,000 yearz ago and one of it'z anzeztorz haz already become extinct.

Zhould der klimatt continue to varm to ze point vere ze Polar Bear becomez unable to hunt Zealz on der pack ize, zen it too vill become extinct. It vill be anozer zpeciez in a long line of trial und error und temporary adaptationz zat have zukzeeded on Eartt.

Vhy our zpeciez iz zo konzeited to zink zat ve can schtop ze 6th extinzion level event iz beyond my kompvrehenzen. I'm not zuggezting zat ve schtop vasting, plundering und polluting..but ve do need to conzider der BIG picture.

If Gaia iz gearing up fur anozer houze kleaning, und conzider ze Permian Extinzion vhen 95% of everyzing perizhed, zen ve need to re-adjuzt our zinking capz.

Zome of uz may vitnezz ze demize of ze Polar Bear in zeir natural habitat..
zeir kick at ze can may zoon be up.


Unvortunately ze mozt obviouz meazure zat ve could introduze iz to zterilize our zpeciez fur a hundred yearz und reduze our numberz back to a population zat vould haff little or no effect ze environment....
zince ve von't do zat perhapz an azteroid kollizion, pandemic viral infeckzion or a manmade global nuklear var vill accomplizh ziz for uz?

Eizer vay ve need to akzept zat ve are zertainly not a forever zpeciez, perhapz viral life, but not uz homo ezkapeonz.


Klazz dizzmizzed und hab a nize day!

17 comments:

  1. I think I have to stay behind for detention..
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pangaea is place I go to twice a year to get drunk.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Welcome back, Mister Cop-PENS!

    Up your nose with a rubber hose.

    ReplyDelete
  4. excellent.
    can you tell me, does Lord Tennisanyone have a fansite? i find a man in a cravat very sexy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Huh?

    I want a BIG copy of that first chart, dude!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This nicely goes along with "The Great Global Warming Swindle". The reaction to Gore's Inconvenient Truth. I think there was some good science in Gore's account, but much better science in "The Swindle".
    It's just another cycle folks. We are fairly insignificant and there's not much we can do about it. No Nukes to shoot out into space to stop our demise.

    Great post, professor.

    ReplyDelete
  7. THE Michael- you can buy one of those posters here:
    http://www.edugraphics.net/ga4-prehistoric/eras_of_life_poster.htm

    ReplyDelete
  8. is this a pass/fail class, sugar? ;) xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  9. How much did it cost you to buy all those zeds?

    Great post! My thinking exactly. Haven't really succeeded in convincing too many people of it, but nice to know someone else figures it is just a swing in the great cycle of life on our little blue planet.

    Zhankz!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks a lot for the keynote speech, but it's infectious! I now have a kinda German lizp!

    Auf Wiederzehen!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I didn't understand a word you said...but it sounds bad.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I wanted to read this but unfortunately the language was too complex. I don't speak Bass Ackwords.

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  13. durink ze late kretashuz peeriud, zientiztz now conjecshur zat ze polar reshionz were zignificantly varmer und zupported dinozauric lifeformz...hmph???

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  14. Anonymous2:30 AM

    A very interesting a deep articlez!

    You have some very great knowledge hidden in your brain which you are sharing.

    The water will take over some day and all creatures not only polar bears will become extinct. Unless we shift to another planet :)

    Cheerz!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous1:34 AM

    Magnificent idea and it is duly

    ReplyDelete

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