Saturday, November 01, 2008

I am a member of the Citizens On Patrol Program.

Basically a few of my neighbours and I walk around at night wearing bright, yellow, vests.

The idea is to be conspicuously visible to the local Teens or YOOTS, and hopefully deter them from tagging or engaging in lillicit activities in public areas.

A recent encounter with a large gathering of Yoots confirmed my belief that this generation cannot read so good. One of them asked us if we were Cops.

The two 'P's on our logo seems to completely puzzle them.

What are ya gonna do?

I suppose that many local residents prolly think that we must be some half-assed vigilante is a fairly new program.

A bunch of victimized, middle-aged, Charles Bronson wannabes, who have had it up to here with crime and are out to get some payback.

Not so much!

However, the other weekend the mere presence of our strolling posse was enough to convince some Yoots to stuff a lot of things into their pockets and exit the Park at a high rate of speed.

This past Thursday Night was Gate Night, the night before Halloween when Yoots traditionally toss eggs and flaming bags of dog crap at homes.

The Yoots that we did encounter were visibly annoyed by our pesky patrolling. We did not see any evidence that they had managed to pelt anyone's house with eggs or flaming bags of dog crap...although they did fling toilet paper into a few trees.

Our 7 year-old thinks that it's funny that my name is Coppens and I go out COPPing in my COPPstume, but my good-lady-wife always tells me to be safe before I go out the door.

I tell her not to worry. I'm not really scared of the illiterate YOOTS and I can easily outrun everyone else in our patrol group.

Last night was Halloween and as you can see,

this is about as as close as I'll ever get to meeting this Dude


  1. I am waiting for you to patrol my streets. That way I will get to sleep easy. Wot say, dude?!

  2. Without wanting to put a dampener on your Saturday, I think I can safely say that you will meet him once more. As will we all. Bon weekend!

  3. As a member of IDIOT - Internet Detectives Investigating Outrageous Text - I must draw your attention to the use of the phrase "rate of speed". I know that it is not uncommon to see this dreadful usage on that side of the Atlantic, but what does "rate of" add? If my logic is not sufficient to make you contrite, I should point out that Patricia Cornwell uses the phrase. You don't want us to send General Wolfe back, do you?
    Would you please also clarify (although the photographs do indicate that this is the case) that you go out in clothing additional to the yellow vest. The prospect of legions of canary-clad middle-aged and geriatric warriors shaking their dangly bits may be a deterrent to undesired elements populating the streets, but will do little to boost tourism.

  4. COPPing sounds rather fun, why have you not mentioned this before? :) I wish we had something like that in Canberra... this damned town is full of little shits under 15 who think they own the place and it is therefore their right to beat people up with baseball bats. I AM NOT SENDING MY CHILD TO SCHOOL HERE!! I'll move back to Melbourne for that, thank you very much.

    I have a concern that the commute would negate any benefits. If you move a little closer, like down the street, then I will gladly be your watchdog...
    and btw my bark is way worse than my bite.

    Oh no I won't! I've decided to convert at the very last second and be Raptured. Knowing when it is going to happen is the tricky fast do you suppose the twinkling of an eye is anyway?

    Oh for pity sake, "rate of speed" is a redundant silly term but more importantly it is a redundant silly Police term that they use on TV and in the Movies.
    Since we have to fill out reports we need to know and use the lingo.

    General Wolfe made a right bloody mess of it dinnee?
    If the vanquished had been sent home to France in chains like normal bloody losers, Her Majesty's Loyal Subjects wouldn't still be paying the penalty for such folly hundreds of years later.
    I could plotz every time I am reminded that our taxes are paying the salaries of the traitorous French separatist Bloc Québécois in Parliament.
    Way to go! You guys bugger off and leave us to clean up your mess!

    The little bastards! They should all be rounded up and made to watch A Clockwork Orange to learn about consequences..Violence begets Violence...little bastards.

    Is it really that bad?

  6. *inserts "Bad Boys" theme tune from Cops*

  7. You would be very welcome along my road to do a bit of Copping...

  8. I would wear that everywhere. Even the gym.

  9. Yes, it's really that bad.

  10. I reckon in UK they'd just see you as adding to the fun. I know it's easy to hate these little shits, but they're not doing it for no reason. Just another delightful effect of rampant capitalism.
    But great work Donn!

  11. Hey, you look cool in that yellow vest, Copp, haha. I hope you didn't scare too much the Grim Reaper dude! He was just going to a party and he looks nice!

  12. brings a whole new meaning to an olde englishe phrase from my own yoot. . .

    copping off (with someone at a party, or at a bus stop, or behind the bike shed, etc etc)


  13. What a brilliant idea! I thought citizens on patrol only existed in Police Academy.

    You should wind up the local yoot something rotten by saying you're armed and dangerous and you've poisoned the local street drugs.

    Please come and patrol in UK - I think our Police have given up.

  14. H'EM JZAY
    Whatcha gonna do?
    Go ahead, make my day.

    I have no desire to run into Doug & Dinsdale, the dangerous Pirahna Brothers. From what I've heard they own your neck of the woods and I don't want to 'ave me 'ead nailed to a coffee table.

    Chicks dig it!
    You'd think that it would atleast entitle you to free coffee and doughnuts eh?

    Then I'm not going there unless I can bring my Uzi.

    It's always nice to hear from a compassionate soul and I agree that the root cause of this miscreant behavior is a combination of Poverty, Domestic & Substance Abuse and Genetics..
    one cannot entirely discount the bad seed...
    but this makes up a minuscule percentage of the troublemakers.

    Once we know how to utilize the Human Genome we can systematically eliminate the whole lot of them once and for all..except we'd run out of politicians?

  15. LENI
    I made a Faustian deal with the Reaper and got an extension until Dec which time my renewal comes up and I have an 5 year option...we'll see what kind of shape I'm in by then. I'm sure that by then Viagra 5.0 will be amazing.

    HA HA As in copping a feel?
    Well that would certainly add a whole new dimension to patrolling down back lanes and dark alleys?

    Gadzooks is it really that bad? Most of North America is like that too..the Middle Class have barricaded themselves into their Homes and Cocoon in the evenings. This city has about 750,000 people and my little neighbourhood is only 5 minutes from downtown...
    but our city centre is dead as a door nail at 5:01pm. You could set off a Nuclear Blast and only injure about a dozen street people.

  16. Its better than what most folks do as long as you have a walkie talkie or one that looks like one. I saw some yoots tagging a wall about 50 metres away and I wasn't going to tackle 3 giant black 12 year-olds so I stood with my camera to my ear pretending to talk while looking at them and they saw me and legged it.

    The scum tag during the day and have no shame, I saw some teens breaking up some cement with a boulder so I shouted "the police are on their way" one asked "why?" I suppose thats why he is the 'Y' generation I said , "because yer a mong" and rushed their position in annoyance only to have them cycle off at speed, maybe I'll get a vest that says.
    'People's Everyday Deterrent Organisation' or PEDO for short, that should get them running.

  17. Ahh yes the miss guided youths of today.
    As I patrol the malls of the local centres I have noticed that the craze these days is to wear white tops with varying patterns on them with hoods.
    "Isn't it wonderful that youths of today are not embarassed to come the malls in their PJ's?"

  18. Sorry I didnt read the post cos Im still staring at ur pic!!!!


  19. Donn, you look quite smashing in all that yellow garb. Do you glow in the dark? That would scare off a few of the not so determined yoots - a giant yellow glowblob meandering down the dark alley towards them.... make them think they're in a B grade horror flick.

    Anyway, good on you for taking the safety of your neighbourhood seriously. Too many people turn a blind eye to so many things these days.

  20. Donn, you look quite smashing in all that yellow garb. Do you glow in the dark? That would scare off a few of the not so determined yoots - a giant yellow glowblob meandering down the dark alley towards them.... make them think they're in a B grade horror flick.

    Anyway, good on you for taking the safety of your neighbourhood seriously. Too many people turn a blind eye to so many things these days.

  21. Oops! Sorry - didn't mean to send that twice... my bad.

  22. i love men in uniform.
    okay, even half uniform.

  23. Is that a nightstick or are you just happy to see me?

  24. Ha! It is Police Academy: Citizens on Patrol!

    Oh, those teenagers wasting toilet paper, especially with the economy in the toilet.

    Great job keeping the neighborhood safe!

    I've a friend who does something similar, and he takes his camera phone with him to take fotos of perps and call the cops if needed!

    He doesn't have your snazzy yellow uniform though.

    You win the Go ahead, Make My Day award for outstanding citizenry.

    All that these adolescent numbnutz need to know is that someone is out there watching them and then the guilt kicks in and soon they are swirling down the vortex of remorse that Pschologists call the shame spiral...pffft!

    I'm glad that someone else is mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore.

    I've never understood the PJ thing..I know the pants hangin' around their butt look is borrowed
    from Prison..where inmates aren't allowed to have belts...which is the stupidest fashion statement because in Prison the last thing you want exposed is your butt.

    My neighbour wearing the Reaper costume walks up and down the street every Hallowe'en and the kids and adults love real life he is about 6'7" so when he puts on the mask & boots he is Chewbacca tall.

    A glowblob? That doesn't sound very scary? You're right we should shuffle around like Zombies in a Grade B movie..NO..we need to run like the crazed Zombies in 28 days later!

    Do you mean half out of their uniform? HAHA

    That of course is my MAGLITE which is a nice, solid, heavy piece of equipment that you can throw at your assailants as you flee.

    HAHAHA! It is!

    If only I lived deep in the heart of Texas, I could be packin' more heat that 3 Mile Island...
    then again, all the YOOTS would be carrying Saturday Night Specials so I wouldn't even be out of doors in the evening.

  26. Kudos! How's it feel to "the Man"?-

    I have another Real North blogpal who calls them 'Utes' and he ain't afraid of 'em either... he has a pit bull!

    If you confiscate anything organic that you need to have analyzed, I'll send you my address- er, my PO Box, that is.

  27. I am not afraid of the yoots/utes either, because I have a 100 lb. Bullmastiff that I take with me when I go walking.

    It's funny how small children clammer around her to pet her and older ones (teens and young adults, especially young men) will actually cross the street to walk on the other side. LOL! If only they knew how much of a chicken she really is!

    But the fact that she looks like she could rip your throat out in a split second is all I need from her. That keeps me safe and secure.

  28. dude, i was totally just trading base-wait, hockey cards. old people bum me out. go arrest someone doing crimes, man. who cares if i sell a few gram
    if i trade a few hockey cards at 10pm in a park? like this is your business? go home and like, play some frank sinatra or clean out your ostomy site or something man. god old people are such a downer.

  29. It's all just an excuse to wear the vests, isn't it?

  30. ALLAN
    cue Joe Jackson..
    I’m the man
    I’m the man that gave you the hula-hoop
    I’m the man
    I’m the man that gave you the yo-yo

    I'm keeping all the stuff in my evidence stash at home.

    Walking around with a cow sized canine is an excellent way to repel YOOTS. I use to have one myself...and Jack had a special place in his heart for children and the elderly but if he was out walking with my good-lady-wife and they came upon some YOOTS...
    his hair would stand on end and he would force them off the sidewalk.

    I am OLD PEOPLE now! I look in the mirror and see that grey and I think when the hell did that happen?
    We don't really have much of a card trading problem but I am concerned about the nick-nack and doily dealing...sometimes I wish that those old ladies could just dicker with civility instead of calling each other names.

    You got me on that one..guilty. After hearing the YOOTS address you as SIR it is hard to go back to whatf*ckingever fossil.

  31. First... let me say how much I love My Cousin Vinny and how you just made me giggle.

    Second... I am a lover of teen busting when stupid things are going on. Just Sunday, whilst at the park with my grandson, I went up to a gaggle (a group of 12 or so) punk ass kids smokin weed off to the side of the playground.

    I think it scared the shit out of them that somebody actually said something to them and weren't intimidated by the large group of them.

    You go, Donn! You da man, baby!

  32. Haha as soon as I saw "yoots" I was thinking Vinny and you made me laugh hard when I clicked the URL to find it was so. =) The two yoots...

    I have read of many neighborhoods that were unsafe where the neighbors did a patrol program and it really did encourage the troublemakers to leave. Unfortunately, they just go pester another neighborhood. =/

  33. copp boys copp boyss who do u wanna call, when they come for you...copp boys copp boys... any songs yet?

  34. my daddy darling is also on the neighbourhood watch, and they all have walkie talkies and stuff and email their nightly and weekly reports to the other members.


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