Friday, October 17, 2008

JST SHU'T ME NW!

Today my randumb thought involves a frank discussion on the future of langwidge. Now I have already established that Inglitch won the war because it shamelessly adopts any foreign words that it fancies and makes it part of the lexicon. If you don't believe me ..well fine..be that way.

I became convinced that someday all words would become Anglysch wyrds after reading THE STORY OF ENGLISH.

The battle for a truly universal langwich that all Earthlings can share is not quite over.

The two new obstacles to overcome are:
txtf*kgmsg












and this









TXTF*MSG

These days anyone under 30 seems to rely on this mode of transporting ideas and thoughts. My guess is that it is fast and the Internet Generation has an attention span that can be measured in nanoseconds. My cohorts in the Baby Boom may have thought that they had perfected Instant Gratification,

but GEN-NEXT puts us all to shame.

So now Engulash Teachers have the ominous task of attempting to instill all of those hard and fast Grandma-tical Rules, which all seem to have exceptions anyway, to a bunch of disheveled zombies who are not-so-secretly staring down at tiny screens and literally twiddling they're thumbs...



"wht r u doing?"
"nthng wht r u doing?"
"ths z so fkn lame"
"jst shu't me nw"
"LOL duh!"
"wnt 2 dtch nxt cls?"
"duh"
There are rumors of new computer keyboards being introduced with only 16 characters to choose from..
jst shu't me nw!

The other obvious threat is the arrival of the next, emerging, SuperPOWER, and it's unavoidable injection of those improbably, beautiful, Chinese characters, which they use in lieu of actual words.

Many people under thirty already have these characters tattoo'd on their shamelessly over exposed bodies. Most of them think that these exquisite squiggles translate as something profound like, "Harmony over Adversity".
My guess is that they actually translate as "Eat At Chows!" or "Kick Me!".

These new assaults on the Mother of all Langwidgaz will take a while to sort out, and I will have mercifully expired long before this matter is resolved.

For those of you young enough to remain and witness the carnage..


gd
fkg
*




w
tht.


*supposedly means luck

30 comments:

  1. Donn, if the Chinese keep making their quality milk and lead toys products and practice their methods of family planning, I don't think we have to worry about learning Chinese anytime soon.

    I've a feeling if they survive the massive pollution they're churning out in their bid for superpower (by emulating the West), in ten years, their young'uns'll be more interested in looking and acting all hip hop, adopting Western ideas of independence and choice, and less likely to adhere to the community traditions and party first mentality of their parents.

    We've seen what can happen when parents are too busy building wealth to pay attention to their children. The new opportunities and extra buying power the kids get often translates into them making different (sometimes unintended and opposite) choices from their parents. Any change in social or class status often means a challenge to the beliefs and values systems.

    Besides, nature has a way of keeping populations from growing out of control, e.g. the US had G.W. Bush; China had bird flu.

    Anyway, if the kids can't be bothered to use all 26 letters of the alphabet in their text messages, I don't think the thousands of Chinese characters stand a chance.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think you must visit Mrs Pouncer's Counsel . . .
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mj is axing for a slap.

    I like to learn where the various English words came from and in doing so I find their meanings change throughout the centuries such as the Viking word 'Ugly' used to mean 'dread' but now its what I'm not. I suppose its like bad and wicked meaning good and the word 'fuck' just being a sentence enhancer for all ages to use.
    The art of letter writing has gone and BFF, BTW and FYI have destroyed all hopes of normal intercourse, people even think intercourse is sex WTF and many don't use a '?' after WTF. If the cuff links ever change their one child per family law then we are definitely in for invasion I say create a germ that attacks rice I mean its not like its a real food or anything that should cut doon on the world's panhandlers and future invaders.

    Well thats my post.......carry on blogging.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Knudsen, you are so FUBAR.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I was reading an article about texting and the author;s argument was that people have always found ways of inventing shortcuts and still maintain their grsap of the language. Still...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think nothing would cure a class of gen-xers of this texting crap faster than being forced to rewrite "A midsummers' night dream" or "romeo and juliet" in text messages, all the while keeping every nuance and meaning intact. No two papers would be the same, and the next assignment to make the entire exercise UNIFORM between all texters would start a civil war not seen since the bra burning of the 60's (which didn't exactly go over well with the young republican women in Home Ec...........)

    But, like 43% of everything I say, I could be wrong on this one........

    ReplyDelete
  7. OMG, WTF, IKR.

    TBH, IA.

    ReplyDelete
  8. It is all part of the natural process of reverting to apes - evolution is going bkwds!

    But then you already knew that HE. However you do illustrate it beautifully.

    Whatever happened to Esperanto I wonder? My parents had all the tapes/books in the 1970s/80s, but I don't recall them putting opening or putting on a single one!

    What a different world it would now be if they had!

    ReplyDelete
  9. mj and betty stole my thunder.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I believe children's thumbs are growing to accommodate
    their texting habits.

    I suspect this will lead to nasty dislocation injuries when they try to put their thumbs in the tops of their cargo pants in order to expose yet more rolling pierced belly to the High Street at 4am on a Sunday morning.

    There will be tears before bedtime.

    End of...

    ReplyDelete
  11. I just don't know how they do it, really.

    In the next 500 years, at this rate and assuming these Blackberries, etc., and txtmsgng is still around...

    ...Humans will have gigantic eyes to be able to see the continually shrinking text, they'll have fingers and thumbs half the size and necks will evolve to look downwards rather than straight ahead.

    ReplyDelete
  12. ROTFLMAOWPIMP

    LULAS,
    MJ

    BTW, IPN

    ReplyDelete
  13. FWIW and IMHO u rawk. Donnnnn wins teh internetz again!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am well under 30, and have a distinct tendency towards grammar nazi-ism. "R" is a letter, not a word.

    Oh, check out this video:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mj6QqCH7g0Q

    Very relevant :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I Can Has Cheezburger?

    ReplyDelete
  16. I've seen elderly people at the senior center, heads bowed, thumbs twiddling like mad...I've yet to send a text message, ah, the shame. *Bows head, twiddles thumbs in embarrassment*

    ReplyDelete
  17. MJ
    Ha-ha!

    EROSWINGS
    You raise several strong arguments...perhaps, I may jumped the gun? If the emerging Chinese population does emulate the West, as you suggest, then we have nothing to worry about because they'll be consumed with avarice and status.
    Phew!

    SCARLET-BLUE
    I certainly did and made a complete ass of myself right from the getgo.

    OLD KNUDSEN
    When you're right, you're right! I love retracing the history of Anglysche and seeing how it morphed and swallowed up other tongues..like a virus.

    CITIZEN MONDO
    It's true we do keep snuffing the wick every chance we get. Some day soon we will be back to grunts and visual signals.

    I love the theory that language evolved to facilitate gossip..the men who were off hunting wanted to know if there was ny hanky-panky goin' on back at the ranch.

    THE MICHAEL
    You're only wrong 43% of the time? I am totally jealous.

    We sound like a bunch of old fogies complaining about young people today...have we crossed that line?

    ReplyDelete
  18. BETTY
    ZUP: What's up?
    YCMU: You crack me up
    XD: Laughing (tongue out)

    POET LAURA-EATE
    Esperanto! I love Zamenhof's idea of creating a unversal second language. They even have a flag!

    Look, a 28-letter alphabet:
    a b c ĉ d e f g ĝ h ĥ i j ĵ k l m n o p r s ŝ t u ŭ v z...
    BUT No q, w, x, or y?
    I'm already confused..no wonder it died?

    ANDREA
    Those so&so's! You could look up some new ones like JFGI: Just *freaking* Google it
    Y W: You're welcome

    APPRENTICE
    Welcome here. HA! "Rolling pierced belly" is right.

    Something weird is going to happen to those thumbs..hey, in the future when someone says that you are "all thumbs" that'll be a compliment! Thumbs will evolve into little whiplike thingamabobs..ew!


    WIENERHEAD
    As much as it pains me to say it,((sigh)) you're absolutely right.

    Except Humans better have "gigantic eyes to be able to see the continually shrinking text, fingers and thumbs half the size, and necks will evolve to look downwards rather than straight ahead" within 100 years because that's about as long as we'll be around.

    ReplyDelete
  19. MJ
    Hmmm, let's see, You peed your panties laughing and you love me like a sister..
    IPN..IPN..not happening..IPN?

    KINDNESS
    Ah you are so sweet.
    URW
    HAGO
    ttfncyl

    STACE
    You are a beacon of hope in a sea of lost souls. I will search your link post haste.

    MJ
    LOLcat is without a doubt the nadir of Human beings making the most out of the interwebs. Did the whole thing start out as a xenophobic joke? Do the peeps realise that..never mind why am I trying to figure out LOLcat?

    LDAHL
    Aha knit one pearl two..here's my segue..
    I guess what goes around, comes around.

    ReplyDelete
  20. IPN = I'm posting naked.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Well thank god I'm somewhere in the middle and managed to avoid falling victim to the asian tattoo symbol... I got a celtic design instead. LOL.

    As for the texting - I'm totally guilty. It's addictive - try it once and you can't stop. Now I'm constantly texting. And I fell victim to it after 30... to beware.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dear Mister Donn:

    As Paul Martin, former Prime Minister of Canada or “PM” – I was, you see, destined by linguistics . . . I must inform you that you have overstepped your bounds, Sir. It is for this reason that I perforce address you in this terse and even rather pretentious manner.

    Although I appreciate your accustomed breadth of digression, is pains me greatly that you, with your clear insight into the salience of language, are under the misapprehension that China and not Canada is destined for Superpower status.

    Please note, Sir, that Canada uses the letter “a” three times to China’s one. We, my compatriot, are no less than Triple A. Moreover, The Plan has already begun to be implemented by myself and other Secret Operatives.

    Please note that half of US comedians are Canadian. Do you imagine this to be a coincidence, my friend?

    With a faltering Superpower on our doorstep, who do you think is preparing to step in for a takeover? If we can do American comedy we can do American politics.

    Recently two of our operatives disguised as medical personnel and on pretext of a “checkup” confirmed, using various thermometers, blood pressure cuffs, scalp brain-wave electrodes and flashcards, that George W. Bush is indeed a chimpanzee. Moreover, we strongly suspect that Palin, who may end up being one elderly heartbeat away from the presidency, is actually a roboticized, age-enhanced Macy’s mannequin.

    We could be one dummy away from the ability to seize full control.

    As to the ultimate state of language, here science and religion curiously converge with both an answer and a follow up question:

    Only one of two mystical sounds shall be possible as rendered by evenly dispersed hydrogen atoms trembling slightly in the otherwise vacuum of space. One, of course, is Om…

    The other is, “I remember back when stuff was better organized and I could still eat a Big Mac.”

    And so my friend, as the Eagles sang in Hotel California, in the end – “This could be heaven or this could be hell…”

    Yours truly,

    Paul Martin, XPM

    ReplyDelete
  23. Ahem

    I could not help but notice you used my photograph to drum home a political point of something-or other..

    I was going to text you, but enough of the family already have been comprised re/ texting; (think sanitary devices and placement).

    I hereby grant you permission to use my regal replication this time but please ring me if you wish to do so again..

    Your Regal, Royal Sovereign of the Commonwealth. Emphasis on the "Common".

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh thou art as brilliant as ever my dearest HE... though I see that you are now DC! Or Donn!

    Fabuloso and alas, I have been gone too, toooo looooong!

    I have missed you oh so muchly!

    And, hmmmm.... should we be worried that you are SO good at all the texting lingo and abbreviations? Took me a while to sort it all out and GRRR that makes me feel old though if old means that my brain still functioneth then so be it! *le sigh*

    I will be back soon... 'til then, keep on keeping on... it does my heart good to see you still here. The world makes sense!

    And wahey! What's wrong with tattoos? I have none yet as I am too picky and OCD and would need to pick the PERFECT beyond a reasonable doubt symbol to ink on my body though if I ever do, it'll go in the back of my neck... but I may be too chickenshit. Who knows though yes, no overexposure FO SHO!

    Besos and BLOG ON brotha man!

    Ooooweee!

    ;-P

    ReplyDelete
  25. Aww s**t - laffin' to flippin' hard to type! Jst shu't me nw!

    And CRAP - I cudda swore IPN was literally "I peein'"!!!! No? Tuff nuts - I like my version better! Why? 'Cuz that's just about where I'm at right now, I'm laffin' so hard!

    ReplyDelete
  26. lmao! i don't read chinese enough to know if that's fcking true translation. i'm thinking though, we might all have nothing to eat in the near future. the tainted milk issue is just the tip of the iceberg. we are all going to die..

    ReplyDelete
  27. words like "landwidge" and "anglysch wyrds" give me goose pimples....and before you jump on that, let me explain. college, linguistics class, reading friggin' "landwidge" like this that made me insane! i look back at those papers now and i don't even know how i managed to write them, much less pass the class. its all chinese to me....like those characters that people have tattooed on their bods....which is another crazy thing that i don't get....yeah, it looks nice, but DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT IT SAYS?!! if you have one such tattoo and pass an asian who smiles at you or smirks or laughs, guess what buddy? hehe's on you!

    ReplyDelete
  28. being in my 40's I truly love being able to text with my three kids (18 - 26) it is a very convenient and efficient way to communicate.

    and my tattoo has a japanese kanji figure embedded in the design.

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  29. well thats one thing i will never tattoo on myself- those symbols are WAY too risky for that!
    as for the text mesaging... i use it sometimes on my phone, depending on whom i'm talking to, but thats where it stays.

    ReplyDelete

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