Wednesday, October 29, 2008


It has occurred to me that most of our problems could be solved by simply relocating a few countries. Personally I'd like to see NORTH AMERICA become a safer place to raise a family but also loosen up a bit and be more fun.
In order to make that happen we would need to exchange AUSTRALIA for the USA...and of course get Alaska back from those thieves! Australia and Canada would get along famously because we have so much in common.
Besides, it would be much cheaper for the USA to fight Russia and China and (whoever else they pick next week) if they were way over there.
Then North America would consist of Canada, Australia, Mexico, and the Caribbean..HELLO!
I would try move the UK a little closer (give them some sunlight poor things) and Spain can come over, they're fun but no mas with that Bullfighting Bullsh*t.

I'd like to move the entire MIDDLE EAST and all those STAN countries waaaay up north to RUSSIA and let the Russians have their warm water port and defrost the neo-Cold War. That way they'll all still have their bloody OIL but maybe the Russians will relax in a hotter climate and the fine folks from the Middle East & Stan countries might chillax a bit when it's 30 below?

I would also move China into smaller digs and give Tibet their spot...see how they like it. AFRICA could become one ginormous Game Preserve. Nice.

SOUTH AMERICA can just be Brazil..that would be kewl.

JAPAN needs more room to spread out so off you go, the Sea of Japan is empty anyway, and INDIA would have much better access to the American Market if the US was in Australia's old spot.

What would you do?


  1. FIRST!!!!!!!!!

    I would move Germany to Africa. Then lederhosen would make much more sense because it's warmer in Africa.

  2. I want to be closer to Quebec.

    Oh wait! I'm moving back to Ontario next year! Yay!

    Now if only I could figure out how to lasso Newfoundland and drag it into down the St. Lawrence THEN it would really be party time.

  3. Dang that Random Chick.


  4. Well yes, I think that sounds jolly good Mr Coppens. I haven't seen any sun for about a year now. Yes, let's do it!

  5. Your life will be enriched with Windup Hopping Lederhosen.

    Donn, I know my links don’t work for you so copy and paste this…

    Oh hello Scarlet, you biscuit thief.

  6. I would shove France, Germany and Italy over the edge of the world so then we'd have more sea to exploit and over fish YAY!

  7. damn those slo-mo pictures they keep hypnotizing me.

  8. fascinating, sugar! xox

  9. dude... i can't like to live in a game reserve!!?! what about the malls i like so much!!?????

  10. Move it all around, baby!! I'll pack up, move to the islands, mon.

    I'll drink rum all day and wear coconut ta-ta covers.

  11. Oh, I am sooooo with you on this one, Donn! The Aussies next door - let's PARTAY!!! How fun would that be!

    As long as they leave all those ginormous f*cking spiders down south for the Americans to deal with..... I would really freak if those suckers migrated across the border. Yikes!

    Let's do it - like, right now! (Sorry to our American buddies - but you could always emigrate to Australia and stay in your own homes!)

  12. if you move the hill at East Worldham a couple of hundred yards, it would save my fuel consumption. I reckon it could save about £4 over the next 20 years.

  13. I'd just build a great big wall around myself and call me a country. Wherever I happened to be at the time.

  14. I'm really liking the idea of more sunshine. . .

    . . .can I also request the aurora borealis for London please? oh, and some fjords too!


  15. Yes even Geography needs a 'change' every now n then ;-) Great post here sir!

    **Australia and Canada would get along famously because we have so much in common.

    Ofcourse we will get along very well cos we always did...Donn n Keshi r inseparable right? ;-)

    I just came to give u a HUG after reading ur latest comment in my blog...

    HUGS my dear friend!


  16. I guess we Spaniards would love to be closer to our neighbours' neighbours that right beside our neighbours -France or Portugal).

    And yes, we would be happy to share our sunlight with the Brits, but hey, no rain, no porridge, no fish'n'chips please.

    (And I wish the bullfighting bullshit would be definitely forbidden! I'm totally against bullfights! Grrrr....).

  17. you're a riot!!

    Wish I was even a quarter as creative as you are!!!

    And, once again, I need to remind you...don't judge a book by its cover (i.e. a country full of people by its dumbass leadership)

  18. nah.

    Cananda will just join up with the United States....

  19. We will gladly turn over Alaska (along with Gov. Palin)! And in return, we expect to gain other Commonwealth nations to make up for the loss! Fork over all Pacific islands under Her Majesty's crown, as well as Papua New Guinea, Singapore, and Malaysia! That includes you, too, New Zealand--or as we will rename you, Middle Earth!

    But we refuse to take Celine Dion with us on our ocean voyage! The last time she sang on a ship, it hit an iceberg and sank! She comes with the North American real estate you're buying, and any attempt to ship her across the Pacific will be seen as a hostile act!

  20. (a) I once saw a large number of elderly men in lederhosen walking across the car park of a German service station.

    (b) After thinking about all the pros and cons of moving different countries about to create a giant melting pot in which we all live in peace, harmony and prosperity, I decided that I'd like to see the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia outside my bedroom window every morning.

    Thank you.

  21. Dunno much about geeeografee.
    But ....
    Sunshine YES - Fosters and Poutine - NO

  22. And I'd go into work on the trail of the lonesome pine.

  23. i have too much sun. i could pass some to scarlet-blue.
    i'm a dot somewhere at the base of malaysia, ie. if you can find malaysia hahha.

  24. I suppose the map was for the benefit of yer yank readers, "duh is China and Tibet not the same place?"

    OK consider it done. Besides,
    watch out for that rhinoceros! sounds funnier in German..
    er it would be something like..
    passen Sie heraus für dieses Nashorn auf!

    H'Em ZJAY
    Ontario..there's no place like this On-ta-rio.
    The Newfies are by far the friendliest and most colourful Canucks. They're not goin' anywhere if my plan goes through.

    There I moved the pictures down for ya..
    If we're going to shove France, Germany and Italy over the edge of the world first we'll need to...
    wait a minute, Monica Bellucci is Italian!
    As I was saying, if you're going to shove France & Germany over the edge of the world for more fish...

    Welcome. Of course we can't really do this because the Australians have the best spot on the planet...far away from us.

    Now, now. There will be plenty of shopping malls at the Hotels..the kids can't spend the whole day gawking at a pride of Lions disembowling a struggling baby Zebra?
    Don't be so silly.

  26. I might throw out its of the US but I don't know that I'd keep Canada intact, wither.

  27. I might throw out its of the US but I don't know that I'd keep Canada intact, wither.

  28. I'd move Canada to Texas and the Texans to the tundra.

    Great day in the morning wouldn't that be awesome!

    Hold yer Horses..just the Democrats!
    You forgot to mention the Box Jellyfisn, Blue Ring Octopus, Tiger Pan & Brown snakes..and about a thousand other deadly critters that they have downunnda.

    The hill at East Worldham to which you are referring cannot be tampered with because it contains the remains of all the brave lads who gave their all to keep China British.

    There is a clinical name for that specific affliction, it's called Solipsism. Enjoy.

    ooooh Pining for the fjords are we? Do you have the Norwegian Blues?
    Beautiful plummage.

    It would be way more fun if we were joined at the hip..
    I mean the countries D'OH!

    Amen to the Bullfighting. I watched one of those senstional video shows featuring an animal rights gal who stood in the middle of the street to film the running of the Bulls. She got gored and tossed about because she didn't have enough sense to get out of the way?
    Why are those people so daft? Did she imagine that the tortured Bull would somehow recognise her empathy? D'UH!

    Your admonishment is well taken. 165 million bad apples don't spoil the whole bunch.

    ((audible gasp))
    It is our greatest fear that our countries will be forced to unite...not so much unite as be overtaken. On the surface we appear to have more in common than not. However we have worked very hard at highlighting our differences. Canada, for all of it's shortcomings, is a WE country, not a providentially mandated ME country as about half of America seems to think.

    Who am I kidding..when you do invade us can we atleast call our Province Mannisota instead of Minnetoba or North Datoba?
    Pretty please?

    Alaska is a deal breaker! You have to take Ted Stevens too!
    Celine Dion..btw pronounced sallyn a national treasure and we will insist that her version of the American National Anthem will be played every morning in every American school and at every Sporting and Military/Cultural event...and..
    she will liberally sprinkle her version with lurve and bebe.

    How do you like them apples?

  31. BETTY
    One of my favorite Deutsch expressions is later-hozen!

    Your idyllic John Denverisms are duly noted..."blue ridge mountains, west vir-gin-ia"

    Pleas bear in mind that inbreeding-snake handlin'-tongue talkin'-moonshine swillin'-hog wallowin' and weekly trips to Dollywood are also part of the deal.
    I hope this helps.

    I am feeling gassy just thinking about Fosters and Poutine. Fine. You can forgo these national delicacies on one may not bring Robbie Williams..but feel free to bring the ornate sarcophagi of St. Peter Sellers and Sir Isaac Newton. We are a young country and are devoid of any history or artifacts of interest.

    I take it then that you are familiar with the lyrics to Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work we go?

    You'll also need to know I'm a Lumberjack.

    Misti, Misti, Misti!
    I am Canadian. Unlike certain other North Americans ((ahem)) WE actually study Geography and learn about "other" countries.

    I can even spell Kaluha Lumpur.

    I think that I have Yanked their chain enough..
    although I do find it very troubling that so many of our closest American Neighbours (spelled with a "U") know nothing, bupkes, nada, zippo, diddly-squat, sweet-f*ck-all, about us and we're only one hour away?

    What does that say about their* knowledge of folks on the so-called "other" side of the world?


    I hear ya!

    I wouldn't keep Canada's Winter intact either.

    Moving Texas to the Tundra is still way too close. I want Ted Stevens and Sarah FEYlin on the other side of the world..actually Stevens will be in jail anyway so it doesn't really matter.

  33. HAHAHAHAHAHA! yeah yeah I know u meant 'countries'!


  34. I guess I have to bone up on my Stanley Cup if I'm gonna be an honorary Canuk?


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