Monday, March 17, 2008

Valentine's Day, Anniversaries, and Birthdays eh?

The 'Great Unwashed' loves Sex Scandals! The best kind of Sex Scandals are sordid affairs that involve high ranking Politicans, holier-than-thou Religious Leaders, and last but not least, Entertainment Celebrities.

Nearly all Human Beings enjoy a reprieve and a distraction from their mundane, meaningless, existance, and Sexcapades are a time honored way of unleashing our gossippy, self-righteous indignation by distracting ourselves with the personal lives of those bastards who seem to have it all. We relish the public humiliation and adore the misery of our so-called betters.

Thankfully the Germans had the foresight to invent a word for it, schadenfreude.

The recent personal and professional implosion of NYC Governor Elliot (rhymes with Idiot) Spitzer is a 24/7 Prime Time example of what I am talking about.
Unlike Bill Clinton who overwhelmed a young, naive, intern, whoopdeedoo, Spitzer atleast paid for sex with a PROstitute. A twenty two year old Call Girl named Ashley Dupree is almost certainly guaranteed her Fifteen Minutes of Warholian Infamy in Playboy. Here she is flashing her self acknowledging V for Victory sign for inadvertently catapulting herself to fame.

Anyone remember Televangelist Jim Bakker's victim Jessica Hahnjob?

Thanks to the split Puritan or Porn Star identity crisis in America and the ubiquitous Class Warfare in the United Kingdom, both of these countries enjoy a constant supply of Sex Scandals. Time constraints obviously prohibit me from providing a decent list. Oddly enough some of the more inexplicable transgressions, such as the Hugh "I'm An Idiot"Grant & Divine Brown thingamabob, are actually joint USA-UK productions.

Here in Canada we don't get many Sex Scandals and we have become hopelessly reliant on the USA and the UK to supply us.
Surprised? You shouldn't be, our national symbol is the Beaver, we're trapped indoors for 7 bloody months of the year, and Canadians are bilingual..what did you think that meant? We don't need to buy lingual because we are an orally fixed nation. The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind.

In fact our last half-decent scandal was in the late 70s when Prime Minister Trudeau's ex wife Margaret was linked to Ronny Wood from the Rolling Stones.
I'll bet you didn't know that in the late 60's Trudeau was the groovy 'Yentlman' who was schtupping Barbara Stresisand...

I'm a little verklempt...
What if Babs had become our First Lady?

Getting back to the Spitzer Sex Scandal, Left Wing Comedian Bill Maher wrote,
"people need sex, and married people generally aren't getting it except on Valentine's Day, Anniversaries and Birthdays. Married people are often starved for sex, touch, affection, not to mention the kinky stuff that wifey definitely won't do."
Bill forgot to mention Holidays...hello?!

From the Right, Talk Show Know-it-all Dr. Laura said,
"when the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings — sexually, personally — to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman."
You're preachin' to the choir Sistah!
Oops did I say that out loud?
I meant what a load of crap!

You might find this hard to swallow but both Maher and Schlesinger may be on to something; according to statistical data made up on the Internet 80% of men hire prostitutes for the 'pro-cure-ment' of Oral Sex.

You know what else bugs us ...we all really hate those gawdawful, mandatory, public, pseudo-apologies that we are forced to endure when these shmucks get caught.

Silda Spitzer, ironically pictured wearing a pearl necklace, is now fodder for the Kangaroo Court of Public Opinion;
-to some like Doctor Laura and Maher she is perceived as the proverbial 'cold fish' who probably had sex on Valentine's Day, Anniversaries, and Birthdays, and drove her poor husband to pay for sex.
Others see her as a steadfast wife who gave up a promising career, raised the kids, and stands by her man like Tammy Wynette.
Many more will see her as a self-deluded, dishrag, enabler who should kick her husband to the curb and clean him out in Divorce Court.
She may very well be a combination of all of the above but actually it's none of our business! Unfortunately the Cult Of Celebrity has made her life a bona fide living hell and the Mediarazzi will be perched over her like Vultures waiting to see what she does.

This scandal automatically re-ignites huge problems for Hillary Clinton's bid for the White House. Her decision to stay by Bill's side will be regurgitated and most will probably find that hard to swallow. Many think that Hillary would be much further ahead by now if she had booted Bill...
but then again it is the USofA and would a divorced woman even be allowed to contemplate running for President?

Any suggestions on any of this from the Peanut Gallery?


  1. its true, you know. nothing warms the cockles of my heart more than to have some ripsnorting fundie rightwinger get outed as a tea room queen. LOVE IT!

  2. Great to know we're good for something - even if it's only supplying the colonies with sex scandals.
    Did you keep up with the Jeffrey Archer story? His liaison with a hooker resulted in jail for perjury. But Mrs Archer - a 'fragrant' chemistry professor stood by her man.
    We lapped up every minute.

  3. It's another "who gives a shit" moment... frankly, who a person screws has nothing to do with their ability to govern. It's another left-over from our Judaeo-Christian roots that we think we should care. Divorced women, hell yeah, lets have one for president! Gay men, dwarves, black lesbians, lets go all out and establish an "Alternative" party and try to win control of the world...

    By the way, in Australia that "V" sign like that is rude!

  4. Well, that is a loaded blog. I don't know if that is just a rattling on about generations of sex scandals or about the fascination of it by the American people.
    Either way, I could not agree more. Only thing I would have to disagree with is that IT IS OUR BUSINESS.
    The moment her husband stuck his political penis in a prostitute it became our business. Her thoughts, her wants, her needs, her LIFE became our business for the fact that this was not just some joe schmo off the street or in Holly-weird looking for a good time, but a man of political power that has forced his family into the spotlight.
    So we can all say poor woman and analyze what her thoughts might be and what her reasons were for standing by her man, but that does not add up to a hill of beans until we know what she is going to do and what our justice system is going to do to a man so shamed.
    Yes, we do go overboard with our fascination with sex scandals and what not, but this, to me, is different. This effects what is already a shameful government that is supposed to stand for its people not literally screw its people.

  5. I don't like Hill's stance on Iraq but as for Hill&Bill, I think they're an interesting couple. At least Billy-boy didn't sanctimoniously attack what he himself was indulging in, like Spitzer.

  6. I am truly affronted that you address us, your loyal readers, as belonging to peanut gallery. That is totally unacceptable.

    And you are slipping. Where are the ubiquitous naked women in your post(s), lately?

  7. Isn't it nice that people are so gleeful at the thought of skewering someone and that our society has found alternatives to the Scarlet Letter?

    I think many are just upset that he got some while they haven't gotten any since the Clinton administration.

  8. Well, it's basic psychology 101 that any time someone starts foaming at the mouth about something or another, it's time to poke around and see what their REAL motivations are. Might I suggest that the only people pure of heart are those who pretty much keep their mouths shut, their judgements to themselves, and simply do their jobs. I need to shut down my OWN blog?

  9. These people and their doings are not important.
    But, hey! I love that pic of "Billary" Clinton. Can I borrow it, please?

  10. Clearly, it's just an extension of our Enterpainment Tonight fascinations. It's our gawking reflex.

    All of the most ridiculous occurrences on the planet just coincidentally attract the most TV viewership, the most blog posts, the most newspaper and magazine sales, the most attention in any form you can name.

    It's all fodder for the water cooler.

    Hello...if the rest of us are living lives where we have sex on Valentine's Day and on our birthdays and that's it, I think it stands to reason we're going to go on and on and about it ourselves.

  11. first national,
    My mandatory response is that those poor souls are objects for your pity and not your scorn...but to hell with that. The untold misery and guilt that those aresholes heap upon the great unwashed is incalcuable...they deserved to be roasted until charred.
    Yours Truly Pastor Donn,
    First Stone Ministries

    Puhleeze hasn't the poor bugger suffered enough? How do you top the indignation of being suspended from Marylebone Cricket Club for seven years? I ask you?

    My Word! Perhaps you overestimate the American Public..if you cannot manage your marriage how could you lead a nation?
    What does the V stand for downunda?

    To quote H L Mencken, "the theory is that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard."
    Trudeau said that the Government has no business in the bedrooms of Canadians. I am not kidding about our politicians being too boring to supply us with scandals.

    The last bedroom incident was when some guy snuck into then Prime Minister Chretien's bedroom and his wife had to get medieval on his ass.
    That pretty much sums it up.

    When you're right you're right. Bill was very careful not to call the kettle black...but I still think maintain that Monica inhaled...
    Oh Dear I mean that Bill inhaled.

    I stopped posting nudie pictures because you gave me such a hard time about it...
    and somehow I have managed to stick to my guns despite receiving thousands and thousands of angry letters and e-mails reminding me that I am a coward and that what is at stake here is freedom of speech.


    Eight years is a long time to go without makin''re not counting solo projects right?
    People are always jealous of other people who say that they are gettin' some...even if we know that they are lying.
    That's weird eh?

    THE michael,
    You make a good point. The louder some twat is condemning something, especially something fun, the more suspicious I get.
    The good thing is that these idiots believe their own spin and think that they will never get caught.

    Help yourself I stole it..actually someone e-mailed it to me so that makes it alright doesn't it?
    Legally if you're not receiving monetary gains you aren't breaking any laws..atleast here.

    wonky weatherpatterns,
    You forgot Anniversaries and Holidays! I suppose it's because we are so friggin insecure. Remember the Stuart Smalley's addage, "Compare And Despair"?

    Now that our "imaginary" peer group has gone global we somehow imagine that we can compare ourselves to everyone...
    which is so ludicrous..
    and a recipe for disaster..
    that is crazy right?

  12. Hugh Grant currently voices a really really excellent advert on the radio over here, for nurses who go into your home to nurse you thru your last weeks/days/hours should you be dying from cancer and have chosen to spend your last moments in your own home

    (he does it in his Love Actually airport scene voice)

    I donated

    (I have fab celebrity gossip on him and the old girlfriend, but it's a little out of date now, and anyhow I don't want to bore you!)


  13. and was this: Her decision to stay by Bill's side will be regurgitated and most will probably find that hard to swallow. a pun about Bill's blow-jobs?

  14. The focus seems to be on the fact that the husbands aren't getting what they want from wifey in any scandal. I wish that we could find out that Hillary is getting a bit on the side with some young intern, just to even the score up!

  15. oh g*d

    I read it properly this time. . .


  16. I still heart the view,
    I get Hugh Grant and his self effacing charm..he is the on-screen King of apologizing schmoozers. Four Weddings & A Funeral is one of my faves.

    Poor Hillary, she was damned if she did and damned if she don't.

    You were right about the double entendre the first time. You need not ever apologise to me for any is whatever it means to you.

    Wouldn't it be great if she had Fabio as her Arm-Candy during the election? Hmm what if eh?

  17. I didn't know Trudeau was hooked up with Streisand. Now I love them both even more than I already did.

  18. Anonymous6:49 p.m.

    the moment we thought the new NY governor will be any better we hear every day a new revelation!
    I just wonder if it something in the water.It runs after all btwn NJ and NY.
    Any comments on our new NY governor and his infidelities and drug use??

  19. I live for sex scandals. Makes me realize everybody is human. I wrote a post about lust and brother Jimmy once.



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