IS BETTER THAN SEX
or How to 'DO' Friends while sitting on your ass.
It has come to my attention that the act of Blogging epitomizes the modern definition of social intercourse. Thanks to the Information Revolution we no longer need to procure cordial or intimate relationships the old fashioned way...
in the flesh.
The outmoded practice of physically interacting with other individuals is très passé!
Gone are the days of tedious, platonic, enslavement. Cyberfriends don't need to be seen, smelled, touched, picked up at the airport at some ungodly hour, taken out to lunch, invited to weddings and funerals, or given loans.
Even to the casual observer it has become painfully obvious that the end product of millions of years of evolutionary tinkering with our communication abilities has resulted in eradicating those time consuming impositions that physical friendships once required.
It is no secret that our species developed language in order to gossip and tell jokes about other cave clans. Technological advancements spurred by human ingenuity and our innate predisposition to sit on our ass, now allows us the freedom to electronically intercourse others from the comfort of home.
"But you said that Blogging was better than SEX?"
Yes I did and quite frankly it was a shameless ploy to sucker you into reading this..but it's almost over so you might as well keep going....
What this means is that rarely, if ever, does modern human intercourse unneccessarily require any actual, physical, interaction. Perhaps we should clarify my double entendre'd definition of intercourse?
Intercourse can also mean the transference of:
outlandish-nonsensical opinions or
impoverished ideas supported by an encyclopedic ignorance of evidence, or outlandish opinions, that we unselfishly donate to another human brain.
Intercourse is just the fancy schmancy definition of exchanging bits between two or more people. These days we need only exchange bytes.
For hundreds of thousands of years human intercourse has traditionally been done in person. That's why hipsters say I'd like to 'Do' them.
It was also referred to as talking pffft!
Physical activity such as talking requires raiding our carefully acquired supply of fat and burning precious calories. Our big brains have finally overcome needlessly squandering our energy supplies and designed a way for us to remain virtually motionless while intercoursing 30 or more people in a single day!
One thing that needs to be examined about intercoursing others is that to the astonishment of the females of our species, it has taken over 21 Centuries for the male to realise that foreplay is the 'goodest' part.
Now Ladies if you excuse me for a moment I would like to let the Gentlemen in on a little secret. Apparently an unsolicited, pre-dawn, 'nudge' in the hind quarters ain't doin' it for them? You need to put down that copy of Field & Stream and start reading Cosmo.
If Blogging is like intercourse,
then it's all foreplay!
It never needs to end and You will never be finished.
This is a blessing for the male too. It avoids the awkward, postconjugal, smalltalk & snuggling phase altogether.
No more of those embarrasing escape lines like "I have an early meeting tomorrow" or "g'night ZZZZZZZZ" or "How was I?" or "I think I'll have a snack?"
Good news for modern man.
That being said, when one equates Blogging with the it's carnal counterpart, relationships in cyberspace are infintessimally less work. Friendship in the blogosphere never reaches a climax it's all foreplay. You will never have to put yourself out and do all of the work that those nasty, old fashioned, 'pick you up at 7' relationship requires.
In conclusion, Blogging is the crowning achievement of our evolutionary search for securing the easiest method of intercoursing the maximum amount of others while expending the least amount of energy.
Have a great Bloggin' Weekend.