Friday, November 02, 2007


“I Don’t Want To Belong To Any Club That Will Accept Me As A Member.”
Groucho Marx

“I Would Never Belong To Any Club That Would Have Me As A Member!”
Woody Allan

“I Have Never Even Been Asked To Join Any Club That Would Have Me As A Member!”
Homo Escapeons

Most of us like to think that we are reasonably intellemajant. However we tend to be uncomfortable around people who are super- scary- smart. You know what I mean, the kind of people who are so smart, that it is stupid how smart they are!
Have you ever been to a cocktail party and found yourself in the unenviable position of attempting to engage in a meaningful, rewarding (ie. two-way) conversation with a genuine brainiac?

If so, the only solace is that deep down in the back of your reptilian limbic nodule, you know that there is an almost certain statistical probability, that your Einsteinian counterpart will be as socially retarded as this Poindexter in the glasses.
Am I right?
What really pisses us off is that people who are scary-stupid-smart, are born with a natural propensity to absorb knowledge by osmosis. We all went to school with them and we all hated their guts. We still hate them because instead of watching re-runs of Charlie’s Angels until 3 in the morning like the rest of us, they learn a new language in an hour... Nyeh!

So for them to study and decipher crap like the secrets of the universe is really no big whoop. Information just jumps into their brain. Remember how those freaks never had to cram for exams.

They somehow absorbed all of the information contained in their text books by simply placing it on their bedside table before they went to sleep...

Unfortunately, in lieu of developing constructive relationships with these disadvantaged victims and teaching them how to interact with the other 98% of the population, we ostracise them, unless they are rich.
The sad truth is that Humans treasure the opportunity to wallow in the malicious enjoyment that we derive from the suffering of others who are way smarter than us.
We call that schandenfreude-a-poo-poo!

Because deep down, most of us are scared, fragile, insecure, miserable, little, twats.
One of the main obstacles in assessing others, with any degree of accuracy, is our reluctance to invest more than one millionth of a second towards judging another person's true character.

By being so frickin’ lazy, we make it very difficult to truly understand each other and have made this world a living hell for any of those poor bastards who are saddled with an IQ above 131. You can read about Steve Martin’s experience at

Another troubling aspect of our social skills is our apparent inability to distinguish self confidence from raging hubris. This of course varies from Culture to Culture, but we generally despise and envy others who have MORE of anything, especially ‘brains’, looks, sex, power, money, guns, and lawyers.

This is why social intercourse can be a living nightmare for everyone from the uber-shmart set and all the way down,
a little more,
few more inches,
there ya go,
all the way down to the Darwinian Dead-Enders on the Gerry Springer Show..oh c'mon they are all ‘acting’ anyway..

There are limits as to our civility. Certain social boundaries dictate what can reasonably be expected when dealing with insufferable smarty-pants. We have all met at least one poor misguided soul who blurts out that s/he is a member of a High IQ Club like MENSA.

Here comes the rolling of eyes, the gnashing of teeth, and the releasing of hounds. If someone brags about being in MENSA I almost always lose my composure and blurt out,
“I know you are but what am I? INFINITY!!!”

MENSA (rhymes with nyeh!) is of course “the largest, oldest, and best-known, smarty-pants organization in the world. Mensa restricts its membership to people with high testable IQs within the top 2% (at or above the 98th percentile) of any approved standardized intelligence test? An IQ of 100 is average.
(cruel relic of the past!)
Intelligence Classification
Under 20
Profound Mental Retardation
Severe Mental Retardation

Moderate Mental Retardation
Mild Mental Retardation
Borderline Mental Retardation
Average Intelligence

Moderately Gifted
Highly Gifted

Exceptionally Gifted
Over 175
Profoundly Gifted

Mensa was formed “to identify and foster human intelligence for the benefit of humanity, to encourage research in the nature, characteristics, and the uses of intelligence, and to provide a stimulating intellectual and social environment for its members."

Christopher Hitchens once said that Mensa is basically just a "singles club for nerds.”

Since 9o frickin 8 percent of us are automatically disqualified, I think that it is why we resent them. I think that is about time to start our own club...
an organisation that more accurately reflects the needs of 90 frickin’ 8 percent of us!
So let’s start mehsa.
The term meh, for those of you who are not hip to it, is an expression of indifference: to be used, according to the Urban Dictionary,
when one simply does not care.

We will not have any IQ tests: let’s just assume that if you are dumb enough to join that you isn’t a Mensa Member.
There won’t be any secret handshakes, dumbass mission statements, dues, voting, costumes, or tiny motorcycles and cars to putt around in either.

We might just get together and try, or whatever, to help each other maintain our current universal lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance. We can celebrate the joy of pure utter indifference.
So if anyone wants to join..whatever…I really don't care if anyone joins...meh. Afterall, I wouldn't want to belong to any club...


  1. I'll join anything as long as it's free - do I get a badge? I like the one about not being the sharpest - but you'll have to send it quick; the way I'm going I won't be able to read by this time next eh eh ??? what? where was I? who are you??



  2. I like the club that hits people over the head............

    Ya know the one ya swing and beat the crap outta someone....the one that gives ya power a sense of being the almighty.........

  3. Aaaaah, Mehsa!

    I have a mediocre idea of a song to go... as the club song..

    Oh! Yes sir, I can boogie,
    But I need a certain song.
    I can boogie,
    Boogie woogie all night long.
    Yes sir, I can boogie
    If you stay, you can't go wrong,
    I can boogie, boogie woogie all night long...

    what we can do is alter the lyrics!! (hang copyright) what we have is:

    Oh! mehsa, I can boogie,
    But I need a certain song.
    I can boogie,
    Boogie woogie all night long.
    Mehsa, I can boogie
    If you stay, you can't go wrong,
    I can boogie, boogie woogie all night long...

    ...and the other thing is we can make it very clear we mediocrers, and numbnuts get far more sex too.

    That's always a killer.

    So, we have the theme song, the violence, (courtesy of whitesnake) the sex...the numbers!!98%

    Ziggi's idea of a badge is good...we will have to put it to a vote of members who gets their face on it:) maybe digital properties frame-ing...why, everyone can have a can do a rotation of figureheads, oh and a motto for Mehsa..

    Something along the lines of:

    *You maybe smarter.. but... I try harder...*


    *Metacognitive Rules*

    maybe: *Known Unknowns?*

    It's late, my IQ drops dramatically after sundown...there is anothery:

    *As the sun-sets... so does my neurons*

    I think this can be done.

    Count me in. The Mensas will never know what hit'em.


  4. I agree that most of us are scared, fragile, insecure, etc... but I also think we're far too competitive. Why must we feel the need to be better than the next guy? And why is it such a big deal if we're not? We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We're all pretty much the same, aren't we? We're just shaped differently through our different experiences. So why is the need to compete so high amongst most people?

  5. By the way, I love Steve Martin. :)

  6. I’ll join if I can wear a tiny fez.

  7. Anonymous8:15 p.m.

    Meh, I suppose so. I've never taken an IQ test, but I CAN absorb information through osmosis, but only if I find it interesting. No writing revision notes for me! :P

    Does this mean I can't join the club? Not that I care or anything...

    Homey, did I ever tell you that I'm so glad you came back to us??

  8. Wolf in sheeps' clothes, Eh? :D

  9. what are you saying? I don't get it...


  10. I don't belong to any clubs. Period.

    There is a profound difference between intelligence and wisdom. A person with wisdom doesn't intimidate others with their intelligence.

  11. a chance of grumble, later2:14 a.m.

    Come on, HE! There's such a thing as hiding one's light under a basket, but for Chrissakes, that
    must be the seventh burnt wicker this week. QED :) Hiding the candle's common enough, but then, toasting the bamboo? Inspired!

  12. brown sock, black sock2:40 a.m.

    ...comes to that, why measure IQ as a scalar entity? Why not have a 3d vector? 1 axis for IQ, another for commonsense, and a third for emotional range? Oh, bollocks! I see rather a lot of singularities there, not a few
    "sparse matrices", arrayed along
    fairly orthogonal boundaries. What d'you say we just throw the dice,
    and the Devil take the hindmost?

  13. I'm in. Is there a free t-shirt?

  14. Just smart enough to understand your erudite exposition, not able to produce a funny answer. Sublime in humour !!

  15. **checks her cranium levels...and shakes head***

    sorry not qualified to even join LOL!


  16. I will send you the badge. Wear it with pride like the rest of us.
    Actually I don't think that I can allow anyone from Britain because you 'sound' more intelligent..except for the Gumbys.

    My Word! Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat apathy to your door.

    Mongo like club too. Mongo whack.

    very catchy I have been singing it all day....
    Oh! mehsa, I can boogie,
    But I need a certain song.
    I can boogie,
    Boogie woogie all night long.
    Mehsa, I can boogie
    If you stay, you can't go wrong,
    I can boogie, boogie woogie all night long...
    you're too clever by a half,
    sorry you're OUT!
    But I'll send you a badge anyway.

    How true. Our insecurity seems terminal...I suppose that living hand to mouth, moment to moment for Millenia will do that to a species like us.

    You can wear a little peach fez...ummm...peach fez..aaarrr (drool)

    You're OUT too! If you can absorb information you're no good to us.
    I know that you are enamored with the term so there is little that I can do to prevent you from liberally sprinkling your conversation with meh.
    It would be too much work to copyright it...meh.

    Speaking of wolves..I watched the Nature special on the warring packs in Yellowstone. I have a great idea for the animal rights terrorists who want to outlaw beekeeping and having pets.
    Let them live free and wild amongst the Griz and wolves and really get back to the natural order of things. I was scared just watching the carnage from the relative safety of my living room.

    That is a good question. Um. Let's see. We are jealous of smart people because we are insecure..or something about maybe we should integrate them into society and let them vote and run our governments instead of scaring them off and making them hide in little really I guess.

    miss cellania,
    Yes that thin line between self confidence and raging hubris...we need to acknowledge whatever anyone brings to the table because everyone is missing one of the components..we need more wisdom and less whizdumb!

    I am too dumb to understand your metric conversions..
    a bushel which has four pecks..
    and a hug around the neck,
    a hug around the neck and a barrel and a heap,
    a barrel and a heap and I'm talkin' in my sleep about you..
    the cows and chickens are goin' to the dickens!!

    brown sock/black sock,
    Oh cryptic dispensator of mystical revelations. Orthogonal boundaries..does that have something to do with fitting birds with corrective footwear?
    And what the hell is commonsense?
    You spin me right 'round like a record baby.

    herr rimsmeister,
    Channeling the Rutles are we?
    "I have always thought in the back of my mind cheese and onions."

    I don't know..if you can dumb it down enough? Hmm. Maybe if you..
    NAH you're too smart. But I will send you a shirt..ah who am I kidding you could design a way cooler can design a logo (which proves that you are too smart) and send me a shirt!

    You are very, very, kind to say so. Actually I have no idea what I just wrote so if you would be kind enough to email your notes I would greatly appreciate it.

    You mean check your brainium levels you silly goose. Sheesh! You are much to thoughtful to join...which means your branium is full of thoughting...see I know what it means.. Nyeh.

  17. I would totally join Mehsa. I'd join Mensa, too, but I just don't care enough to take a test to prove that I'm scary-smart and lacking in social skills. I can do that just by showing up to class with my shirt on backward...

  18. Meh, not sure I want to join, but I do like the concept.

    If I get one of those crayon badges then I might reconsider.

    'Myeh' is also on the rise in these parts. It's a delicious combination of 'meh' and 'nyeh', obviously.

  19. cody,
    Hello to the feller from Mad Rants of a Raving Genius. I see that my Kirkegaardian tactics of implementing changes in thought, repetitive writing, and unusual turns of phrase to throw readers off track has failed to discombobulate you.

    Sorry. You are too smart for mehsa..try the other one.

    THE michael,
    In Canada we say eh? I think that this post was about how ridiculous it is to measure others by the size of their not THAT organ I meant the 3 pounder holding our ears apart ya silly goose.

    Feel free to copy the crayon badge..I had a whole bunch of them emailed to me but most them have something to do with being a bitch or are just plain rude, which I adore, but I am trying to be a kinder, gentler blogger and here in the midst of my charm offensive it wouldn't be prudent.

    Look I used 2 George Bush 1 phrases in a reply!

  20. I am not a smarty pants but am Mutha to a smarty pants and I can tell you that MENSA is infact a scary place that often feels like a singles club for nerds. I fear gatherings...what if no one shows up with pants on? The only thing scarier than a MENSA member is one who is nude from the waist down.

  21. Dr Hanibal ate brains. he's super smart.

  22. so... um, err... ahem...
    can i join or not- whats the cool thing to do here...!?!?!?

  23. Willy has a brain of his own.

  24. Hmmm. I've never been asked to a cocktail party. That may be because I'm a geek and people at cocktail parties probably don't want to discuss the IPC 610 soldering standard.

    BTW - nice to see the image of the 2 South African guys. I have a copy of that in my medical curiosities book. They have all the trappings of wealth (posh wristwatches etc) and yet inbreeding means they drool.

  25. I have been to a couple gatherings where my intelligence has been overshadowed by some young Einstein's but what I like to do is instead of trying to keep up with the conversations I just make up some facts of my own and relate them to "something I read on the internet". I mean I will come up with some off the wall things that make these brainiac's scratch their head and sometimes wonder the truth of my ramblings.

  26. IQ tests are skewed - I don't trust them.

    Besides, someone can be the smartest person in the world and still be that world's largest prick.

    That said, my friends and I constantly judge people by how smart they are, how witty, etc., because *we* were those geeks who got teased, and we never learned the art of fitting in with anyone but ourselves and people like us. You might call that the "Dungeons & Dragons" crowd. You'd be right. There's nothing funnier than a really obscure pun. I've seen my friends fight over the correctness of historical facts from 1875.

    I have the feeling though, that you, Homes, and most of your commenters, are very smart, and probably don't make up the numbers of the idiot masses anyway.

    I find odd, weird, and otherwise geeky people very interesting, and my significant other is one of best examples of that and I love him to death.

  27. mutha,
    I am still shuddering at the image of a half nekked nerd standing in my bubble explaining string theory to me while I am trying to listen to the music!

    I always wondered if I would be as coherent as Ray Liotta was when he had his skull cap off at Hannibal's dinner party.

    The cool thing would be to laugh it off and quote Mr. Berra, "include me out!"

    Two heads aren't always better than one.

    The IPC 610 soldering standard! Heart be still.
    Those poor bastards. I am not sure at which point in history our brains decided that anyone who looks like that will not be in charge of making sure that the fire in the cave stays burning all night..but we did. Poor bastards.

    Coinky-dink? I think not.
    That is full on schadenfreude-a-poo-poo and nothing is sweeter..unless you dig your hole too deep andsomeone sinks your battleship.

    At social gatherings I always keep my jacket by the door in case my bogus arguments with brainiacs start to go south and I need to beat a hasty retreat.

    Aww what a mushball. He is a lucky guy. I never picked on anyone in your herd back in high school. I was too busy trying to make them laugh and think that I wasn't a complete moron.

    Don't get me stated on 1875!

  28. I thunk abt it...thoughting abt it today too...I thinked.



  29. Those first two pictures look remarkably alike...

    Duh...Mehsa...but you are the polar opposite of a person who doesn't care, who's indifferent.

    You may be indifferent to Mensa and its social club for nerds, as Hitchens described, but you're not indifferent to anything else.


  30. keshi,
    Congratulations on your deep thoughting. Keep up the good work and let me know what you come up with.

    I want to know why we maintain our current universal lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance. Why do we celebrate the joy of pure utter indifference?

    Why aren't we outraged by the idiocy that our so-called leaders, who rely on our apathy, when they storm off and do things that most of us disagree with. meh.

    The system has got us so overwhelmed with just keeping our heads above water so that they can do whatever they want to but we are the ones who pay for their mistakes.

    It drives me crazy.

    So I ask why are geniuses playing games instead of being utilized by the great unwashed to help us break the cycle? We are stupid for not getting them onside..
    but we are all so pathetic..
    we waste out time competing against each other instead of organising a takeover and sticking it to the Man.

  31. Um, that scoring cannot be right... YEARS ago, pre-fried-my-brain-through-the-mere-act-of-reproduction kid days I took an online IQ test and got 161 which makes me highly, HIGHLY doubt the test I took and this whole IQ crapola thang...

    Hear ye, hear ye amigo mio...

    Truly gifted and amazing individuals are those that in spite of their brainiac "handicap" can still charm the, um, pants-but-not-literally-in-the-get-me-in-the-sack-kinda-way off us and Loverboy and I have such a friend in our gifted and brilliant-beyond-words Dr. E who ceases not to amaze me with his vast knowledge and yet he and his wife can just hang with us and just be... though of course Mensa and such /)&&/(& faze him not... neither do they interest him so...

    I am blabbing on and on and on... bah... best I stop here and crash... 'tis been a nutty day!

    FABOO post oh so inspirational amigo mio! Thou art a TRUE genius FO SHO!

  32. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    I'll b back.

  33. heh heh... thanx for clarifying, clearly i wouldn't qualify anyway! mwaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaa

  34. Miz BoheMia: Obviously the problem is one of two things:

    1. The standards for 'Genius' in Canada are much more lax (understandably). I believe that deer hunting and a shoe tie competition are part of their requirements.

    2. Perhaps H.E. was listing IQ scores in that funny 'Metric' system of his.

  35. Ah, why does it always happen? Wrote out a nice comment for you yesterday, went to post it, only to have a message come up that blogger was now unavailabe, or what ever it bleeping well said. Now I can't remember what I wrote.Uummmm..something about I.Q. tests....oh,that's right I took a silly one on facebook.It turns out that I got exactly the same result as one of my sisters and one more point than my other sister. So we're all as thick as each other ;).But that wasn't what I told you yesterday. Oh, I remember now -it was that the only thing in life that is important to remember is the names of the members of monty python and all the rest is just crudding up the brain. It was something to that effect, anyway. I'd be happy to join mehsa ;) - oooh, that'd be fun to be part of a club . A gang (pronounced as if by john lennon). Just like being in the Famous Five.Or the Secret Seven.

  36. *Gaspetty GASP* rimshot... or maybe, and why this was overlooked is BEYOND ME, I AM a genius! Why was THAT not an option!

    *Le sob*

  37. Now that's more like the Donn I know. I have no answers for you.

    But it's important to ask those questions. So the rest of us can see them, and ask them ourselves.

    And then totally ridicule you.

  38. Miz B: I just took THAT for granted! ;-)

  39. lordy; i was SCOUTED for mensa.
    my DAUGHTER was SCOUTED for mensa.
    my husband should RUN mensa.

    I even went to a a couple of meetings (I was young, ok?)
    vast buttsniffing wasteland populated by sniggering horndogs. GAAAH.

    Sign me up, Coppens.
    there needs to be a beer volcano like the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has, and lots of illegal fireworks. and motorcycles. running straight pipes.
    unlimited access to butane, kerosene and hairspray is also a must.
    party ON.

  40. mizzy bo,
    I know plenty of brainiacs who are charming and not tedious. I was being facetious in the playfully jocular sense of the word when I white washed all geniuses as social dullards and geeks.

    Mizzy I would not be surprised if you are Mensa material because you can pull out the big guns at the drop of a hat..especially when you are off on a tangent. Your rants are a formidable full cranial assault and you can't do that if the big 3 pounder behind your lovely, smiling, face isn't operating at a extremely high level.

    OK see you later

    I have no doubt that You could do anything that you set your mind to...muwahaaaaaaahhaaaaaa!

    My good man you have entered where angels truly fear to tread.

    Although the average Canuckistani citizen appears to be a sentient, caring, stand-up sort of person, truth be told we are a nation of seething, passive-aggressive, human time bombs.

    Go ahead make jokes about us and our Loony (nyeh) but everyone in the rest of the world knows that Yanks sew a Maple Frickin' Leaf on their backpacks when they step foot out of their country.
    Why is that?

    Yes my dear you are absolutely right. Memorising and Reciting lines from Monty Python skits and films makes Life worth living. No other troupe has ever come close to slapping our ridiculous conventions right in the kisser.
    Everything else is conversation.

    It is interesting that your score was basically the same as your sistersersers. We can develop our abilities to extract data from our memory files but I believe that the ole DNA does have a say in the (grey) matter.
    You're IN!

    miz bo,
    You ARE a genius! That ain't news to me.

    OK ridicule me if you like, seriously everybody except for rimmer is being so nice to me..oh and vicus, but I know that you can't because you totally agree with me.

    Look mister, if you don't watch it we will make SPANISH the 3rd (or 4th we may have already added another) official language of CANada..nyeh!!

    first nations,
    Scouted by Buttsniffing horndogs!? Gawd now I am totally jealous.

    Do you mean to tell me that these people with HUGE brains get together just to try and get laid? I thought that they were solving obstacles to world peace...
    aw sh*t we are screwed!

  41. "Most of us like to think that we are reasonably intellemajant. However we tend to be uncomfortable around people who are super- scary- smart. You know what I mean, the kind of people who are so smart, that it is stupid how smart they are!"

    That's how I feel reading your blog.

  42. My good Sir,

    "...the average Canuckistani citizen [is a]... seething, passive-aggressive, human time bomb.
    Did you know that 'passive-aggressive' is an entirely made-up and most NON-Medical descriptor. It simply doesn't exist. Nor does, in my opinion, Canada and/or Canadians.

    "Go ahead make jokes about us and our Loony (nyeh) but everyone in the rest of the world knows that Yanks sew a Maple Frickin' Leaf on their backpacks when they step foot out of their country."
    You Candians (if that is your real name) are quite obsessed with what the Americans are doing. Why is that?

    I don't expect an answer, since you don't exist, but if you care to humor me (that's humor WITHOUT the extra 'u')...

    Love and kisses,



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