IS NO SECOND BANANA!
There is another paradigm shift happening in tweenyland!
Bye bye Celebritney Spears you’re almost 26 and the Hollywood Dream Machine is K-Fed up with your hijinx and it can’t wait for your hair to grow back in either location.
Take a Hike Heiress Piltdown we are so glad that you got some jailhouse religion but whateverrrrr you are 26 years OLD.
Toodaloo Lindsay Lohan you’re turnin’ 21 so look out world now you are ‘legal’ in all 50 States Woo Hoo!
Sayonara Simpson Sisters:
Jessica 'ditz' all over but the cryin’ sweetie you are done at 26 and
Little sister Ashlee,
Comin’ up on 23,
Did the Milli Vanilli
Your street cred is history
Find a guy with mo’ money
Hey how about Nick Lachey?
Times are rough for Hilary Duff. At 19 she is the reigning tween idol and all of the soccer Moms are nervous because all of the other tweenie role models are a disaster! As long as the insidious Disney handlers can stop Duff from doin’ stupid stuff she will have a few more years of
((BEEP BEEP BEEP))
who are we kidding the best before date has been reached.
We wish you luck, by the way have you met your replacement?
Destiny Hope Cyrus aka Miley is Hannah Montana!
Disney’s next tween sensation is only 15 and Yessirree Bob she is the real life daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus who plays her Dad on the Hannah Montana Show.
On the show Miley is secretly a pop star named Hannah Montana and Billy Ray was a huge country star and is now her manager.
Shucks this thing practically writes itself don' it?
Here is the achy, breaky, kicker for me.
Miley/Hannah’s mother died. SHUT-UP!
Has anyone noticed a recurring theme at Disney?
Bambi, Pinocchio, Cinderella, Aladdin, Ariel, Dumbo, Winnie, Peter Pan, Belle, Simba, Mulan, Nemo, Pocahontas, Mowgli..does this ring any bells?
A Disney protagonist is always, always, always, either an Orphan, had a Single Dysfunctional Parent,
or was a slave to Monstrous Guardians.
Stop and think about that. Can anyone explain this to me?
Now old Walt lost my trust when they shot Old Yeller, (You Bastard!) and after I discovered that Lemmings don’t voluntarily commit suicide.
Do any of you remember watching in horror as thousands of those cute little kamikaze rodents rushed over the cliff and plunged into the icy Sea?
I saw White Wilderness, which actually won an Oscar, on TV during the weekly Sunday Evening presentation of The Wonderful World of Disney.
The mass suicide myth still endures.
Those poor over the hill starlets are goin' over the cliff along with their dysfunctional parents as the marketers steer the tweens like lemmings towards a new tween queen sensation.
Run Hannah Run!