Tuesday, February 20, 2007

“NOTHING COMPARES"
to '02"

By Shnaved O’Mygawd

(*With all due respect to
His Princely Purpleness & Sinead ‘O’)

It's been seven hours since I shaved my head,


Now the carpet will match the drapes.
I go out every night and schlep all day,
My career has slipped away.
Since Fed-X has been gone I can do whatever I want,
But all I got was tattoo’d.

I can go out climbing into Limos with my legs apart,
But nothing ...
I said nothing can take away these bad reviews?

'Cause no-thing compares ...
To my ca-reer in ’02

It's been so awesome without you here,
I can go out without a thong.
It seems as if nothing can stop my star from falling,
Tell me Madonna,
where did I go wrong?


I should have kept my arms around Justin T,
Why’d I ever trade him in for you?
I went to see Paris and guess what she told me,
Guess what she told me!
She said, girl, you better have fun,
No matter what you do...
You’ll need a puppy too

My ad-vice to you...
Is shave your hoo-hoo

All the ‘flowers’ that you planted Fed-X,
In the back yard.
Got smoked when you went away.
I know that living without my money is sometimes hard,
I’ll be giving it to some other guy...

‘Cause I'-m in despair...
Now I bathe in NAIR so f*%# you


29 comments:

  1. Oh My Gawd! I'm howling! I needed that laugh HE, thanks!

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  2. Great song:)

    honestly i feel very sad for poor old britney. It is a life crying out for love an attention....

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  3. Update! Britney's in rehab. Thank you for that news flash, Mrs. Obvious. If that surprises anyone then I'll eat my shoe. And, I'll know if you're lying to get me to eat my shoe. And, it's my chocolate shoe that I'll be eating so good luck faking it, fakers!
    Whew. Sorry bout that.

    I too feel sorry for Britney. She's a product of her upbringing. She was in showbiz (disney) before she ever knew anything else. It's no wonder that she is turning out like a maniac.

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  4. Liked that a whole lot better then the original, HE!! Excellent :). (that song(not your version, thankfully :) )was played at my brothers wedding as they were saying goodbye - a break up song at a wedding??)

    This is the best thing ever :).

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  5. I mean "than" :).

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  6. You've really got a talent for this HE. You should market it so you get paid.

    I feel really sorry for Britney. It's hard to get grounded when you live in a glass cage.

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  7. Oh the shame of it all!

    Nice work there HE.

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  8. Oh thank you for posting this.

    It makes me feel like such a healthy, well-balanced individual in comparison.

    *takes another swig straight from the bottle*

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  9. You should write for Weird Al.

    I feel sorry for Britney too. That girl is so messed up. I just hope someone can help her.

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  10. hey he! it's been awhile. i've been busy having fun.

    i think you have a love-hate relationship with these lost young women. britney is total mess.

    and speaking of six degrees, did you read 'the tipping point' (gladwell)? i think you would like it...

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  11. I formally request permission to cut and paste this parody into an email and send to all my colleagues.

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  12. Wow! 2 songs in two weeks, you're on a roll!

    "Now the carpet will match the drapes" -- LOL, love it!

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  13. LOL ur quite good at this arent u!

    Nuttin compares...to Britney..LOL!

    I think that Shave will do a whole lot of good for Brtiney. Mebbe she'll start all over again...afresh. I hope so.


    btw...check my blog for a surprise...ooo lala!

    Keshi.

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  14. Cogito, ergo blogito : that is going to become a famous quote :-) Really. You have a freewheeling mind that can take you anywhere (and it does), you explore what you want, you do so in an original way, you write man ! (with words and images) and the interaction aspect makes it all the more interesting. It is such a pleasure to visit here.

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. As you yourself pointed it out in your last post, I will let this one slip.


    *haughtily retreating with her nose in the air*

    #afterthought#

    PS: Is it an example of 'sense of humour(sic!)'?

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  17. dana d7:02 a.m.

    oh my gosh.... you are soooo funny!! I love it!! thanks for the laugh, I needed that this morning.

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  18. laura,
    Thanks..unfortunately it is as sad as it is funny because some will be very protective of their Clebritney. They will guard their imaginary bond with her..a servitude that reinforces our Culture of Narcissism.
    Sure on one hand its very sad but professional Celebrity is a double edged sword...they have an obligation to not embarrass their fans or feel their wrath.

    aidan,
    Right on the heels of Anna Nicole's death comes this meltdown..andCelebritney has no alternative other than making her SCREAM for help a public exhibition..that is the most pathetic part of it. She obviously doesn't have any real friends or support...including her 'stage mother'.

    shelley,
    I should go after the Mothers of Anna and Brit...everybody loves to pin problems on the Mothers..its always their fault somehow.
    I think the worst part of this public display is that K-Fed wins...his chances of gettting the children and more money go up with every crisis that Brit exposes.
    Hopefully she will make a triumphant return after rehab..everybody loves a 'Rocky' story...I think that it was hard for her to accept that America didn't wait around for her when she married an idiot, had kids with him and put her career on the back burner..it must have been a shock!

    Lee,
    At a wedding? HA! Great start.
    Britney has had an incredible experience during her short life..who among us could handle such extreme adulation and then suddenly see the mob do a 180 on us?
    I honestly believe that she was totally unprepared to be judged as an adult..and she made so many terrible choices and displayed such wreckless behavior (driving with kids on lap) that the great unwashed were venting a bit..HEY BRIT we gave you all of this attention because you were a cute kid but you are an adult now so act like one...and of course we expected her to marry someone of equal status like Angelina and Brad...when she picked K FED she asked too much of Americans...that is not how the script is supposed to play out Brit.

    menchie,
    I think that it is nearly impossible..unless like Clooney you understand that it is a giant National Parlor Game...it is what it is..a sideshow..ordinary people can follow the exploits of people who for the most part LUCKED out in the DNA department..their appearance is 90% of the reason that they got to where they are..so if you can joke about it and keep your real problems private and just deliver the Entertainer to the public they will reward you and let you keep your job.

    whitesnake,
    I'm sure that every country has their little miss muffin who grows up in front of their eyes and is suddenly discarded as the great unwashed search for a new entity to adore. Celebritney's betrayal of the goodwill of devourers of tabloid gossip cost her dearly.
    I bet that she is completely baffled that the public didn't overlook the fact that she married some idiot instead of keeping the fairy tale alive...when she and JT were an item she was still on board but she blew it!
    I think that the ego has landed.

    mj,
    I find your statement troubling..
    are you suggesting that I am as twisted and bizarre as you are?
    Let's ask Billy Joel...

    You may be right,
    I may be crazy
    'Cause I just may be the lu-natic you're lookin' for!

    anna,
    Weird Al can't afford me...
    he has to be more PC.
    I'm pointing out the absurdity of the whole situation. There are hundreds of thousands of young people going through huge personal problems in America as we speak...but does the media spend MILLIONS of dollars examining them..we all know enough about Celebritney's life to write a book on her...that says a lot about the media and even more about us as consumers.

    kj,
    Having fun! Bravo.
    I do have a love/hate thing..as a human being I feel empathy for these women who are exploited and marketed based on their wanker appeal..
    on the other hand I loathe the incredulous angst that overcomes me when I realise that I am being sucked in by the whole circus.

    Sure they made terrible mistakes and maybe they weren't too bright to begin with but they have enjoyed an unrealistic amount of luxury at our expense...

    only one in a million people can handle fame and it usually entails developing a complete disdain for the public while presenting a lovable exterior.
    We deserve it..I deserve it.

    stace,
    My Name is URL...homoescapeons.blogspot.com or google it..
    knock yourself out and let's see if anybody 'borrows' it on their blog.

    angela,
    I know I know!
    I guess that I have been overwhelmed at the calamity in the Entertainment Industry...where are the feel-good stories? Have you seen any?

    The tabloids are on Steroids and Speed right now and they are out killing their Unicorns...if the Celebrities were serious about killing the papparrazi they would spend their money on a tabloid that wrote about the assholes who write about them...let's have a look at the pot that writes crap about the kettle.

    keshiroo,
    I hope so because that would be the perfect ending...
    she may never regain her status but America would love to be able to write her off on an up note...
    I saw your nice surprise..
    aw shucks!


    hildegarde,
    Thanks that is very kind of you. Free wheeling is my own worst enemy and I am glad that you like the diversity..
    I just vent whatever is accumulating in my smokestack..
    unfortunately that turns off as many fellow blogospherians as it may interest..
    some people love continuity and predictability..
    I am just trying to have some fun and make time to visit as many other blogs as I can.

    gautami,
    OUCH!
    Maybe I do have a (sic) sense of humour..
    I tried to explain that to you on your blog..
    either way what I am saying and what the post is telling us are usually two different things.

    I know that your sensibilities are prone to bouts of Victorian standards
    (or maybe you just have higher standards)
    but I luv ya just the same.

    It would be a tragedy if we all thought the same way...
    and I do examine my motivations and executions of posts with your critiques so PLEASE do not hesitate to scold or shun me whenever you feel like it.

    dana d,
    Ha we all need a laugh..
    it is too bad that it is a Thank God It's Not Me Laugh but then we are entering that strange world where we need to realise that there are REAL problems in the world and the plight of spoiled little bratney while they may be sad are self inflicted and not really that important in the grand scheme of things.
    All is fair in Gossip and Celebrity.

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  19. kick ASS, homoE!!!
    you, sir, just got a link.
    this is fuckin' pro. fantastic!

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  20. That, is brilliant. You are a poet.

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  21. Nice song, H.E. this desperate, desperate girl...

    I think that she should've left the back long...on both ends.

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  22. I still can't understand why her meltdown is news. Sad.

    But funny song HE. You should write anti-Hallmark Cards.

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  23. Excellent. I think it's really sad. Too bad she can't do any of this in private. That's what happens when you become a celebrity. I happen to like Britney. Her music is fun and even though in concert I am sure she doesn't really sing, she does put on a good show. I would like to see her get it together, clean up her act, take care of her kids, and find a man who can make her happy. First, she needs to love and respect her self before she can really love anyone else. OK, I'm off my soap box.

    Thanks and have a great day. I'll be here all week!

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  24. first nations,
    Gracias, that is very generous and I appreciate it and coming from you I take it as a real compliment :).
    I heard that Celebritney checked out of rehab after one day...the Fed X Alimony/Child Support account just rolled over another couple $Million.

    heidi the hick,
    Well somebody has to cover this story..I noticed that you had a great expose on Celebritney..I wonder why this isn't being covered in the media (hee hee)? You would think that this would be a HUGE story? Bigger than the War..I mean can you think of anything more important?
    Me neither.

    kevin charnas,
    You have such an eye for style...so you think that she needed to keep some sort of mullet on her bottom?
    AAh the Mullet:Business in the front and party in the back!

    laurie,
    She is having a Public display because she doesn't have anybody in her private life to help her...they interviewed her Mom who was out shopping???

    Celebritney probably cannot (honestly)tell the difference between the public/private or the real/imaginary world anymore.

    keshiroo,
    :<)>

    dj andi,
    Greetings. I like her too and who knows how crazy I would be if I had been harrassed by asshole
    photographers my entire short Life..
    I'd probably snap but I would be shaving their frickin' heads not mine!
    She did make an UNBELIEVABLY bad decision when she hooked up with FedX after marrying some other guy for 50 hours..her Mommy obviously never had the 'Talk' with her and they say that girls look for somebody like their Daddy!

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  25. Great poem, H.E!
    I personally prefer hairless girls wearing mohair...

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  26. cream,
    HA! For once I am not going to write what I am thinking...
    I must be getting soft.

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  27. The Britney Spears saga would be hilarious except for the uncomfortable fact that here is a new mother who it seems is totally neglecting her baby, in pursuit of her own weird and selfish obsessions.
    My question here is where are the children's aid people?
    Well, I guess it seems that like the O.J. Simpson case you can get away with child neglect as well as murder if you're rich and famous.

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  28. scott,
    Money changes everything.
    Wealthy people (especially Celebrities) get to make their own rules.
    She has 'help' of course but long term those kids need a MOM...I have no idea what kind of relationship she has with her kids..all I know is that she is ready to BLOW!
    She pretty much finished off her career this weekend so I hope that she'll be happy just being a Mom for a couple years..until she gets on Season 10 of the Surreal Life with all of the other D Listers.

    ReplyDelete

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