Thursday, January 04, 2007

WHO IS THE MOST
ESTHETICALLY CHALLENGED
AMERICAN CELEBRITY?
Here are the first five CANDIDATES that come to mind on my Tacky-ometer..

Fiddy Cent
All the charm of Smallpox










Victoria Gotti
Growing Up Gaudy!











Dog The Bounty Hunter
Mulletus Maximus











Paris
Rhymes With I'm-bare-ass










Donald Trump
YOUR Hairdresser IS FIRED!


It goes without saying that every culture has their own cheesy celebrities but modern America excels in this category. Fashion violations notwithstanding Americans apparently idolize people for simply being rich or famous. Is it just me or has their Meritocracy (social status advancement of the most talented or intelligent people) been replaced by the elevation of the most tedious, inane, vapid, or garish members of society?

I think that at this point in history the bar is set dangerously low ...
but that's just me and I could be wrong.

Who would you vote for?

46 comments:

  1. Anonymous3:25 PM

    Celebrity Big Brother started over here last night so we've got 12 prime candidates to choose from ( including Jermaine Jackson and Dirk Benedict). It is truly grotesque.

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  2. Of the 5 you have listed, I think the vote would have to go to Paris.

    The only reason she's famous is because of the money she was born into, nothing else.

    She is not physically attractive to me, she has no talent whatsoever that I've been able to see and she's a media darling.

    The others are all self-made celebrities except for Victoria, and I wouldn't want the Gotti family coming after me.

    I would have included in that list Howard Stern, any of those political commentators on CNN, the right-of-right guy Buchanan (whose first name I can't remember), Terrell Owens and any NFL player who points at themselves after they've made a routine play in football, the entire Entertainment Tonight crew and cast, any of those loudmouth TV or radio shock-talk show idiots and Donald Rumsden.

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  3. I only get one vote.....
    fifty cent (AKA loose change) is definately up there or anyone that believes gold chains and speaking over a smaple is music....

    WHy do rappers wear gold chains?
    SO they know where to stop shaving..

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  4. smaple--- translating...... -sample

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  5. Anonymous4:14 PM

    Dog the Bounty Hunter.

    I love the guy, but the mullet doesn't do it for me.

    He wear those black jeans that I hate, and he has to be the biggest redneck on the island.

    But I do love the show.

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  6. Hi Cherry,
    Dirk! Jermaine! JACKPOT!!
    Good Luck picking the most grievous...who would be Britain's TACKIEST... other than a Royal???

    Withoutin,
    Oooh Howard Stern is tacky...maybe he is more cheesy than tacky...what is the difference between cheesy and tacky?

    Aidan,
    The overembelleshment of Jewellry (known as the MR T Starter Kit)is a personal billboard ghetto message to homeys that screams I have more money than f%#@*n brains...
    I IS A PLAY-AH FOO!

    Anononononblogger,
    Yes I can't help but love that crazy ass Dog but he desperately needs an emergency makeover...he breaks every single rule...what a disaster...and his kid..sheesh!

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  7. Rosie Fucking O'Donnell.

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  8. grumblizit9:12 PM

    Ah, recognition is a wonderous thing. I'd say that two of our archetypes... er, early protoypes, have all the features covered. If Trump doesn't float yer boat, then
    Paris, her factory flaxen coiffure wreathing a vacuum-formed polyester
    face (with a selection of a dozen or more interchangeable plug-n-play expressions) may be just the
    ticket. wi/wo's close, but there's
    a huge distinction between being
    merely rich and famous, and being
    famous, for being famous. but fer
    Chrissakes, don't her "Paree" ;-)

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  9. I vote for all and many more LOL!

    btw Paris Hilton was in town during the NYE...no one really cared hahaha!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  10. my vote goes to don rumsfeld. how could you leave off this arrogant f---- creepy know-it-all?

    hey, he, i have a new year's resolution to visit your blog more often. ww thinks i have a crush on him. perhaps that gives me instant status with you....

    :)

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  11. Anonymous10:50 PM

    these people deserves to be fed to the dogs.... I will star with Hilton. Might spare monkey trump...coz like hes rich and all.

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Fashion violations notwithstanding Americans apparently idolize people for simply being rich or famous."

    I am not sure, to which Americans you are referring, but my friends and I don't idolize people for being rich and famous, rather we admire success. The last time we checked we were Americans.

    I think I know what you are trying to do and say. It would help your position if you did not clump the entire nation. I find it rather interesting that of the three photographs you posted, I only recognize Paris Hilton. So you must know more American pop culture than most of the Americans with whom I socialize.

    I have witnessed the dumbing of America and as the borders remain unsecured, it will only continue to deteriorate. Still, the latest and best medical procedures, scientific discoveries and miracles happen here and excellence still thrive in places where people who really read and think and who do not sit in front of the television, walk.

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  13. The Donald, closely followed by Paris Ho. And yeah, add Stern to the list. He's not cheesy or tacky, he's disgusting and a blight on humanity.

    Didn't the UK start this whole "reality" thingy? They need to be punished for that. Big time.

    I was watching CSI last night and there was a commercial for some upcoming "reality" show involving actors or D-listers becoming cops. I think you'll have more people to add to your list soon HE.

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  14. mj,
    My Word!
    I am totally 100% on Rosie's side in the WAR with the Donald..wanna fight about it?

    grumblicious,
    Ah you are most generous I thought that 'Paree' only had 2 expressions:the pout and the fake smile. Trump is uber tacky because he lives his life as if he won a lottery..it is so in your face that it is embarrassing..and now that everyone knows that he isn't actually a Billionaire he should exercise a little restraint..but he won't...he can't even fix his 'lucky' hair!

    keshiroo,
    Paris was in Sydney for NYE and no one cared! That's Fantastic...
    if she could hold her liquor she would have some cred in Australia..plus she would need some real curves..Australian men probably don't want their Sheilas to have the bone rack body of a 12 year old boy.

    kj,
    Rummy is creepy but atleast he had some merit which is scary for me to admit..Bush, Rummy and Cheney will end up being shredded as scapegoats for the War in Iraq during the election madness that is about to engulf the USA for the next 2 years.

    Are you trying to tell me that you don't have a crush on WW...you have instant status with me regardless of what that goofy bugger thinks.

    ghosty,
    Sorry about missing the writing contest..(you know about my puter)
    ..anyway Paris and Donald both made their money the old fashioned way..they inherited it.

    ces,
    OUCH..hit a nerve did I...I don't mean you and your fine friends I of course am referring to the great unwashed masses who consume TV and the Enquirer...
    If you randomly asked people anywhere in the world to describe or name an American other than the great Satan BUSH they would choose a Movie Star or someone cheesy like these people.
    The worldview is that Americans (in general, not you and your friends who don't watch TV or read Magazines) view success as simply acquiring MONEY..it doesn't matter if you got it illegally..as long as you get it. That is why the rest of the world hates your culture...you need to elevate the Scientists, Philanthropists, Medical Pioneers...not going to happen with this generation.

    Laura Elizabeth,
    Ooh la la I could have a HUGE list..Stern is egregious on so many levels...he is fromage...and he has worked the system to the max using all of the reverse prejudices to his advantage..to make his quest for the base seem as though it was a RIGHT.
    The UK is totally splitzo...they have a class war that is forever played out..you have the upstairs/downstairs rivalry that enables Newspapers to display bare titties on page 4 in a country where you still have a 1,000 year old Monarchy?!
    Awesome contradictions!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous11:20 AM

    Being an American, I should be highly indignant about this post (heh), but to be honest, I agree with a lot of what has been said here. The American masses do seem to have their priorities askew, but please know that not all of us idolize people for simply being rich or famous. Some of us find the type of lifestyle they lead decadent and revolting.

    That being said, of the options given us, I would have to vote for Paris Hilton. As WW said, the only reason she is a celebrity at all is because of her family’s wealth. She doesn’t seem to be anything other than a self-absorbed playgirl with nothing but time and money on her hands and I’m voting her off the island.

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  16. Anonymous11:30 AM

    I choose not to vote for any one of those. Please spare me the ordeal.

    ReplyDelete
  17. lauriedmmgmfm,
    Ha..indignant
    (angered by unwarranted accusation, injustice or meaness)
    this is a part of the blogosphere where the numbskulls that I am poking fun at couldn't find with a map. Your country is as divided culturally as it is every other way.

    There is no America...it is an ideal that exists only in Jerry Bruckheimer movies.

    gautami,
    Hello my dear, why not offer your thoughts on the cheesiest Bollywood Starlet that would suffice...every country has cheeseballs.

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  18. I'm American and agree with Homey on this one regarding what I refer to as The Unwashed Masses.

    I don't get it, I don't watch football or TV, but I'm going to vote anyway, for Dog. EWwwwwww. He makes me want to shower.

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  19. Anonymous2:22 PM

    Pete Burns has to be the tackiest we've got

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  20. Amongst those five, I would have to pick Dog the Bounty Hunter. The man needs a serious makeover. I'd add Larry King to the list. He's ugly and is a crappy journalist (is it even fair to call him that?).

    ReplyDelete
  21. Well, Europe isn't doing any better. In the today's news : Paris doesn't want the production of a sex doll like her.

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  22. donald trump. i cannot get over how a man with resources can't rid himself of that ghastly combover. creepy.

    happy new year's, hon!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous10:06 PM

    I'd say you left out quite a few of the highest contenders...but then again, the entire pool of Hollywood is one endless swamp of gaudy awful goodness.

    If I had to vote, it's be a tie between them all...heck, I can't just vote for one, when all are equal in their atrocious behavior.

    ReplyDelete
  24. she was here to promote an Aussie Beer called 'Bondi Blonde'...she was chosing the model for it...what does she know abt Bondi anyways? LOL!

    Keshi.

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  25. Anonymous1:06 AM

    Gah! If I hear one more story about Paris Hilton.....

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  26. HE, I find it very interesting that a Canadian would have so much authority to say derogartory and negative things about America, its culture and its people. I cannot for 25 years of my life identify any American who would think they have any authority to criticize the way Canadians behave, govern themselves or render their health care. Not even my friend who just lived in Alberta for two years. She is glad to be back, in Bush country of all places, but just acknowledged the fact that Canadian society is well, Canadian. I often wonder why citizens of other countries think it is legitimate to criticize America and Americans yet could not get their government or society to step up as being the moral leader of this world.

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  27. Anonymous2:25 AM

    Oh you have done such a good job with the ones you have listed that I am at a loss right now, I will have to think on it but yeah... it is a sad state of affairs to see what kind of trash is idolized...

    Happy New Year HE! May it be nothing short of fabulous!

    ReplyDelete
  28. However obnoxious he is, I'd have to cut Fifty Cent a bit of slack because he grew up in fairly lousy circumstances. Paris Hilton, however, has had all of the best opportunities in life to (cough) improve herself or do something remotely interesting or useful. She's just an empty shell of a person, and a waste of money and news coverage, so she'd definitely have to get my vote.

    ReplyDelete
  29. tidalgrrrrl,
    Hey You! I think that the Dog has a big heart and he probably is sincere and far be it for me to regulate style but he would probably benefit from an extreme makeover and make the transition from a Mr T type schlepbrity.

    cherrypie,
    I must confess that I haven't got a clue about Pete Burns so I will google him and get back to you.

    anna,
    I feel bad picking on Larry because he is about three days older than kerosene...but I have always been mystified as to why people talk to him or Barbara Walters??? Those suspenders on those creaky old shoulders...what a guy.

    hildegarde,
    That is funny because Une Nuit Dans Paris made her career...if that sex tape had not made it to the Internet Paris would have been just another rich brat..there is no bad publicity when you are celebrity.

    {Illyria},
    All the best in 007...I cannot for the life of me understand how he can look in the mirror and not realise how ghastly that doo is...it speaks volumes about his egocentricity.

    Awaiting,
    I know it is hard to pick the winner in this category...I suppose that every society has to prop up people that they enjoy ridiculing..I believe that most Americans understand how cheesy these creations are and afterall it is entertainment and you need to get noticed to get ahead.

    keshiroo,
    Bondie Blonde..is that a brand of beer? I would have guessed that Autralians like their celebs a little more 'athletic' and 'outdoorsy' whereas Paris is an indoor cat atbest...I don't 'get' her.

    Pamela,
    Sorry I know that it is a poor way to start off the new year but they have all of those year in review shows and I just couldn't take another second...why does the media work so hard to dumb down the general public..aside from thinking about important issues...why oh why oh why!

    ReplyDelete
  30. ces,
    My Word! Poking a little fun at these people is hardly attacking the USA..I said nothing of the rampant exploitation of the entire world's resources or forcing military might against others who are somehow interfering with the political agenda of an executive government that is convinced of it's providential free reign on our planet...I realise that it is hard for many Americans to understand why the rest of the world distrusts and fears your country..your news media taints the flow of information and many Americans only look at world issues based on how they affect their country...many are only interested in their State.

    That being said the great dichotomy of the USA is that it somehow exposes the best and the worst of mankind...what makes most other Earthlings shudder is that with all of the opportunities to advance as a society your culture is in a tug of war with itself and we watch with our jaws on the ground as so many of your countrymen worship money and excess...that's why your celebritys are fair game..they are cultural lightning rods and deserve to be scrutinized for what they are.

    'I would be happy to do a post on the tackiest Canadians but nobody would recognise them..so it is a testament to the power of your media that even your celebs are more famous than world leaders.

    Don't take it personally, they are all adults and I am positive that they could care less what people say about them.

    miz bohemia,
    Hola! Are you on a plane back to San Fran? Once you are back you can enjoy all of these newsworthy celebs overshadowing world events...Enter-Painment Tonight is the gold standard of news for many...and that about sums it up.
    Knowing how highly you regard Spain I would love to hear about some of their cheesy celebs.

    Betty,
    Oh my, sympathy for the devil..not all ghetto kids resort to selling drugs and shootings to escape their world..I hate how the rappers celebrate their horrible pasts and try to elevate it above mere thuggery and crime...the bling and the ho's, it's is all sooo ridiculous and socially retarded... selling those stereotypes as respectable is obscene and it will perpetuate the cycle of violence and...hold on I am off on a rant here...
    Poor Paris tells the world that she has made all of her money on her own..why night clubs pay her $100,000 to show up for an opening is the perfect example of why such a large portion of Amerrican society needs an enema.
    If her little porno had never been released we wouldn't even know who she was.

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  31. Anonymous2:58 PM

    Michael Jackson

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  32. angela,
    Why Michael did not get on stage and dance at The Godfather of Soul's Funeral is a question that will haunt me to my grave.
    Good Gawd Y'all!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Michael may not have got on stage and danced at James Brown's funeral but he DID kiss the corpse on the forehead.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Trump is an asshole. I would like to add Tori Spelling. Her face screams punch me.

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  35. mj,
    You said forehead right..Michael could have won back the hearts and minds of Middle America by showing us a little moonwalk at the funeral...just a little reminder of our favorite child entertainer...bu nooo..Mt Bigshot is too big to dance at funerals now...NEXT!

    christine!!,
    Hey you..Trump is such an easy target (ie asshole)and I almost (almost) feel guilty picking on him

    now Tori is an interesting choice...to me her genetically modified face sobs 'lo-ov-ve-ve me-ee-ee, don't ha-aa-te-te me because my Daddy was a gazillionaire and I grew up in the largest domestic residence in California and Daddy put me in one of his tacky lil shows...please don't ha-aa-aate me-ee-ee!
    It's no-oo-ot my fault!
    I'll buy you a pony!

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  36. I am inclined to agree with what christine said -saw a photo of Tori Spelling the other day pushing her puppy dog around in some kid of wanker dog pram and I reckoned she could do with a good slap up the side of the head.And is it true that she's only been left ONLY one million by departed daddy dearest? That wouldn't even be enough to fix her deformed tits.

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  37. And somehow tonight I stumbled on the guy who could be my new No. 1:

    He's the little black guy who always wears a gigantic clock around his neck...

    And who on TV always has beautiful women vying for his attentions on what they're trying to sell as some otherworldly "reality show."

    He also wears the dumbest hats...in his last life, in some ridiculous live-in "reality show" with a bunch of failed "stars," he always got it on with Sly Stallone's ex, the big plastic blonde, whose name I also don't remember.

    But I bet he wears shirts that cost more than $1.49. Anyone know who I'm talking about?

    And while I've got your attention -- even if it's only HE -- I have in fact blogged about HE's $1.49 US shirt he bought.

    Don't hear him ridiculing that...

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  38. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  39. H.E, you're right, he's an easy target.

    "That wouldn't even be enough to fix her deformed tits." Hahaha exactly.

    Within, His name is Flava Flav and he was in the rap group Public Enemy. I've flicked by his little love show and almost hurled. Gross.

    I'm done taking over your blog, Donn. :)

    Ciao

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  40. lee,
    Poor little rich girl...she is damned if she 'do' and damned if she don't..I think that she just married some Canadian Actor..are you trying to tell me that those aren't real?

    withinsky,
    Flava Flav!! Oh how did I miss that guy...he is absolutely appalling...and those idiot gals are just throwing themselves at this little twerp...I could do a whole post on him and Brigitte! The odd couple of Celebrity Matchups..even that poor Brady guy is in on the action..hey I guess if they are going to throw money at your dying career you have to pick it up! Bonaduce should be in a padded cell...I guess the actors union should automatically round up all child stars after their shows are cancelled because they all go CRAZY!!

    christine,
    You can take over anytime..Flava is one creepy little dude..someone should el-kabong him with one of those f$@kin' kitchen clocks that he wears around his scrawny little neck..
    seriously, aside from his obvious mental incapacitation he is a horny little troll with too much moolah and women are fighting over him...only in America.

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  41. Anonymous11:37 AM

    You nominated Dog the Bounty Hunter, but made no mention of K-Fed Ex?????

    I'm puzzled...

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  42. Anonymous2:57 AM

    i think paris gets my vote- with mr trump taking a close second!

    ReplyDelete
  43. ms. val.
    I just shredded K Fed a few weeks ago so I didn't want to pick on the poor guy...although you can!..actually I think that you just did?
    Dontcha love how he has rejected 3X the prenup to disappear...what good is a prenup if they are already making counter offers???

    angel,
    Pretty safe bet..
    who is the tackiest celeb in South Africa..
    is Sun City still goin' strong?
    I wonder if Bruce Springsteen would play there now?

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  44. jamie8:34 AM

    I don't get it? Why does everyone hate K-Fed? He has done nothing more (or less) than what ALL of Trump's wives have done, Anna Nicole Smith, that woman who married Paul McCartney ......oh hell!! ...there is a list too long to mention. They all married for money yet no one trashes Trump's latest wife? He lacks depth(a soul, a heart, a brain?) just as most gold-diggers do.
    I say leave the boy alone. He's in good company.

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  45. jamie federline,
    You are absolutely half right
    ..except that your sibling ( I am assuming this because no one else in history has ever defended him) did not disquise his ambiton well enough to warrant any symapthy from the great unwashed as he lived out every adolescent male's dream of 'doing' Britney
    ...he left his other wife when she was 6 MONTHS PREGNANT!!

    Have a look at his picture in the Dictionary, it's under Cad

    Your brother got his 15 minutes of shame and now it's off to the rubbish pile to join the other miscreants in the 'where are they now' D-List crowd.

    ReplyDelete

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