Wednesday, January 10, 2007


After another busy day spent rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, most of the unsaved souls are sound alseep as the ship torpedoes towards the iceberg. The cold abyss of fate quietly prepares for the rendezvous.

Captain Pride is fast awake, lost in his daydreams of acclaim for having set a new speed record. Drunk and full of himself, he stares at the image in the mirror. Congratulations Sir, for effortlessly mingling above and beyond the call of duty with the guardians of decorum and priviledge.

First Mate Avarice has abandoned his post and is off to quench his lust for a young debutante in his cramped quarters. A conquest such as this may well advance his career and the reward is well worth the risk.

The vessel races into the foggy night, full speed ahead. The con is left in the care of younger even more ambitious lads. They disregard the valuable maps still nestled in their sheaths, they will chart their own course.

The Preacher hands the tearful cabin boy some silver before he races down the long, dark, hallway before him.

Meanwhile, far beneath the Captain's chair, the great unwashed sleep. Confident in the skills of the crew above them, the hopeful huddle for warmth and dream of a better tomorrow.

Far above it all in the crow's nest, one lonely, exhausted, frozen lookout battles his mind, his soul and the elements of Nature. Ducking out of the wind to light a cigarette he stares in disbelief at the whispers of his last match.

The Solipsist Soliloquist sending out an S.O.S....


  1. Yeah, the poor bastard really wasn't lucking out, and his Lucky was out, when he should have been looking out. On the other hand, plain, line-of-sight, eyewitness observation has proven, time and time again, to be woefully inadequate for protecting large masses moving at (or above) the speed of hubris. Good thing that your fine story has no metaphoric value, and is just for
    entertainment purposes;-)

  2. Anonymous12:17 a.m.

    I'm going to be honest. The vast majority of that went right over my head. One part did strike me though:

    First Mate Avarice has abandoned his post and is off to quench his lust for a young debutante in his cramped quarters

    I'm assuming that was a blatant shot at me ;)

  3. grumbly,
    Stop rubbing your eyes this is your comment..and a damn fine one at that. I was deleting old posts and you were the only soul gracious enough to have replied and it was cold and bleak outside and I was watching the news and the world keeps heading into the sh*t full speed ahead..
    so thank you for being so astute and considerate.

    Sheesh AB I feel bad enough about barging into your posts with all of my brilliant f*cking ideas and telling you what to do.
    I think that you are a marvelous, upstanding, young, man with honorable intentions and a great head on his shoulders.

    Truth be told all of these characters are either sketchy composites of world leaders or bastards from my childhood. I am tired of idiots making huge terrible decisions for us..
    I want to mutiny and take back the ship!

  4. Anonymous3:00 a.m.

    wow- that was a sad post!

  5. I know a lot of "Captain Pride"s in my life, but now I am finally old enough to recognize them and know that they are not worth any investment. Sometimes I feel like the one in the crow's nest.
    So, if you want to take over the ship, go ahead !! :-)

  6. May I join your mutiny, Sir?

  7. angel,
    I take it that by 'sad' that you mean depressing and not the Canadian slang for lame/pathetic/brutal/crappy or to be fair to our Bilingual mandate 'merde'.

    Captains Pride always seem to get ahold of the rudder somehow..after 2 millenia of various degrees of DUMBocracy one would think that we 'passengers' would have worked out some of the kinks..

    apparently we are predestined to keep repeating our mistakes.

    laura elizabeth,
    In keeping with the true spirit of grand Maritime adventures may I begin the mutiny with a tilt of the hat to Herman Melville,

    Call me Fletcher.

  8. I'm looking for the metaphorical application but can't find it. Am I getting stupider? (And it sure sounds like what happened on The Queen of the North here last spring...)

  9. andrea,
    Of course there is no single 'correct' interpretation but I'll steer you in the direction that started me...
    I was comparing the crew of the Titanic to our own special crew of political/social/religious leaders and their agents who make all of these important decisions FOR us while we blindly trust them and hope for the best...

    which often ends up being a disaster...

    like the Titanic...

    20,000 more troops heading off to Iraq..

    Dammit I knew that I should have used the Exxon Valdez and that drunk Captain!

  10. I'm "IN", or "ON",...or...whatever. You know what I mean. Where shall I set my things?

    Oh yeah, and I'm selling a president if anyone's interested. The bidding starts at two piles of shit. Do I hear 3?

  11. oh and by the way, GREAT story that you left over at my place the other day! Thanks.

  12. Anonymous1:39 p.m.

    I couldn't sleep any longer so I'm climbing up the rigging to join you in the crow's nest. I hope you'll share your space...and perhaps a cigarette.

  13. kevin,
    I have one thing to say to you
    TAOS! I am totally hearing Lindsey Buckingham singin'
    ((Holiday Ro-o-o-o-o-o-oad))
    I almost feel like I am picking on a
    defenseless nincompoop if I discuss Dubya but those are real lives that he is playing with...

    why couldn't his Pappy have given him a job in the Oil biz escortin' 'fern fellers to the best little whorehouse in Texas and showing them a good ole time.

    Get some matches and then c'mon up..
    the view of our impending doom is spectacular!
    Thanks to our elevation we will stay out of the near freezing water and probably survive about 5 minutes longer than everybody else before we're off playing cards with Davey Jones..AARRR.

    No wonder you couldn't sleep down there..
    honestly, why would they serve cabbage soup down in coach? whew!

  14. The picture--- now THAT I understand!

  15. joyce,
    That chunk of ice looks like it would fit nicely into that giant snifter/aquarium that I like to 'sip' from when we visit your country estate.

  16. Anonymous2:12 p.m.

    ... and we wait with baited breath at what brilliant change of strategy the chief decider comes up with. Surge? I am feeling a surge of anger. See you tonight down at McCain's office... can't make it? That's OK. Where you gonna be?

  17. kindness,
    Wilkommen Komrade.
    Oh dear I was supposed to go out lawyer huntin' with Duck Cheney...
    I'll see if I can get a raincheck?

  18. ARRRRGH.... ya be offendin me rich pirating heritage with ya lubber talk...

    Or in english....

    IS this a nice way of saying that all the upper crust are full of themselves and not seeing their own impending doom? coupled with the lower working class who are apathetic with no interest in the world arround them, expect to dance, drink and screw? That some of us want a better future, but are putting to much stock in our superiors?

    "nice" story HE!

  19. Good post. You summed up all the asswipery quite well.

    "Meanwhile, far beneath the Captain's chair, the great unwashed sleep. Confident in the skills of the crew above them, the hopeful huddle for warmth and dream of a better tomorrow."

    The Great Unwashed. Nice! I prefer the "Unwashed Masses" but the idea is the same. I often scrub through my brain trying to identify just why they remain so hopeful and hopelessly stupid. Bleh.

  20. Anonymous3:36 p.m.


    (And why not throw in a Charlie Brown-ish Aarrrggghhhh!!! for good measure?)

    You have reminded us all, once again, of the drowning sorrows coming to all the low-grazing sheep.


    But on the flip side - that's one flippin' good allegory! Bloody brilliant - as usual.

    Ever yours

  21. aidan,
    Abast yee scoundrel, 'tis precisely what I mean't ya scurvy dawg AARRR!
    Hey wait a minute, Australians are crawling with Irish/Cockney Criminal genes..wait that makes sense..
    I guess that a lot of them were Pirates! AHOY did ya hear my lightbulb go on?!

    I hate to generalise and tarnish the 'people who summer where they winter' with one broad stroke but,
    pretty much.

    You say Po-tay-toe,
    I say Po-tat-toe.
    They remain comfortably numb because Enterpainment Tonight is on and who doesn't want to watch the same clip of Nicole Richie punching out Clay Aiken 8,000 times over and over and over AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!

    Lucy Van Peltsmith,
    BAH BAH Middle Class.
    Today President Donald Trump and Vice President Leona Helmsley officially declared that
    "Only 'little' people will pay taxes!"

  22. Remember in school when the teacher asked a question to the entire class and you didn't know the answer because you had been sleeping or shooting spitballs...

    And you just waited for someone smarter to answer, hoping old Mrs. Davey wouldn't call on you?

    Well, that's what I had to do with this excellent post. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer but when I saw that even Andrea was left wondering, I didn't feel so bad.

    Your comment thread has taken up where the pic of the guy with the head up his ass left off.


    Loved your comment to Kevin about why Pappy Bush didn't give Dubya that job...

  23. Anonymous5:49 p.m.

    If there's mutiny afoot, I wish to join, sir.

  24. Anonymous5:50 p.m.

    LOL HE, I feel bad that you feel bad. Like I said in response to your response to my response of your response, I loved your comment on my post, and in fact, loved it so much, that I had to use much of it in an update.

    So if anything, I should be thanking you. And thanking you are not her father. ;)

  25. Anonymous5:51 p.m.

    If there's mutiny afoot, I wish to join, sir.

  26. Our impending doom scares me...but Im not gonna stop having fun and LIVING till the last minute!

    What A post!

  27. Anonymous8:02 p.m.

    We're gonna stay the course till the mission's accomplished, so bring em on!

  28. Anonymous1:19 p.m.

    i like the picture.

    Blogger is very kind today to let me blog today. THANK GOD for small mercies.

  29. without a clue,
    DOH! Me make nexst poste simpallur to umdurstand. Too artsy fartsy eh? Sorry.

    Permission to come aboard. Bring snacks and plenty of cash for Poker.

    You are lucky that I am not her Father..imagine how much free advice I'd be giving out..I shall spare you my lectures for a while and return to my natural state of being a sarcastic misanthrope.

    I heard ya the first time.

    How about a little Fleetwood Mac:
    Don't stop,
    dreamin' about tomorrow.
    Don't stop,
    It'll soon be here!

    THE Michael,
    You will stay the course until '08 when a Democrat gets in or a massive 'TET' like offensive is launched and images of retreating Forces in Baghdad will eerily mirror the fall of Saigon.

    Blogger has devoured 4 drafts of a meme that I have been trying to complete for kj...I have just about had it...hmmm, what's my MYSPACE password?

  30. You're so creative. I love reading your posts. :)

  31. anna,
    You are very kind. I am hoping that Blogger will allow me to publish tomorrow..I am too tired to fight it is going down to minus 40 tonight so that makes it even more depressing...we have had such a warm winter that we are totally spoiled now.

  32. You definately need to speak with Captain Morgan on this cold winter night with icebergs bobbing in our streets.....oh wait they be potholes.... Okay so i did not read your mind as to the just of your cause in this episode but i just finished browsing through the Wpg. Sun and it states we are all haters anyways cuz we hate the guy who stole a vehicle and feel he got pounded to the ground justly.....stay warm buddy....

  33. hodedoo,
    Well it's 40 below and I don't give a f*ck got a heater in my truck and it's off to the ro-de-o!

  34. not bad at all!

    How abt 'yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...'

    hehehe :)


  35. Anonymous10:52 p.m.

    oh man...i feel for you...we are technological escapists....wait what am I saying...something wrong with ur bloggie?

    Hemm...Ze Zizanic Zunk Zecause Zome Zimbicils Zhat Zothing Zo ZO Zut Zo Zhink Zof Zaking Zoney. :P

  36. Anonymous10:56 p.m.

    You Drama Queen! Felt like reading the Dear Thelma Column in the Sunday paper...:p

    Oh Keshi...friends...friends...friends...
    hurt us so badly that we wont recover,
    look at me. Salvation is not in sucks.

    But maybe its for the good that he
    as a coward didnt want to tell you.
    Maybe its just like that.

    And for the fun of it, please do send him your wedding invitation :P and the pictures if he doesnt come.

  37. keshi,
    That is a REAL song! It's actually called the Rodeo Song and they would play it at Socials..which are like a Winnipeg institution..any team or couple can have a huge party in a hall and there is drinkin' & dancin' and that's where all underage kids could get drunk every weekend.

    ghosty 1 & 2
    Zhat Ze Zell Zare Zou Zalking Zabout?!
    Was the Drama Queen thingy supposed to be on Keshtar's post????


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