Friday, December 01, 2006

CELEBRITNEY REPOSITIONS HERSELF AND LOSES HER MISSTIQUE ...
IN A FLASH!

GIVEITAWAY
GIVEITAWAY
GIVEITAWAY NOW.

What did I tell you!
Did I not say that CeleBritney Spears would be kickstarting her career by showing some skin!
(Yes I did on Thursday, November 9th,
K-Fed Lowers Interest Rate)

But I had no idea that she would be giving it away instead of making Millions of Dollars by posing for Playboy!

Oops!.... she really did it this time!


Incredibly Britney has decided to follow the advice of the ubiquitous celebutante Paris Hilton. The two of them, Spears and Paris are known collectively known as SPARIS.
This week Brit flashed her cookie jar for the paparazzi...gratuitous...gratis.
Rock n Roll Hoochie Coo!

Of course her buddies Paris and Lindsay Lohan have had their little miss muffins photographed and put on display on the internet so obviously these girls stand by the maxim that

there is no such thing as bad publicity or
too much exposure!

Which made me realise that with all of the real issues being covered by the News Media this story still managed to get tons of airtime.
Say no more, say no more, nudge nudge wink wink.

If you have the stomach for it the real pictures are out there at sites like egostatic.com, but I found it neccessary to mercifully sanitize 'her naughty bits' with a metaphorical mask to avoid offending you fine upstanding citizens.
Call me prudish or old-fashioned but...

The old addage that it is far sexier to leave something to the imagination was proven to be absolutely true...
far beyond my wildest expectations.

If CeleBritney had wanted to keep even a modicum of dignity she would have seriously reconsidered staging this 'wardrobe malfunction'.
Janet who?

Seriously, a glossy retouched and less gynecological spread in Playboy would have been far more palatable and even moderately socially acceptable in this day and age, but please,
SPARIS goin' CommanDOH!?

There is no point in arguing that sex sells and that female entertainers are expected to titillate men with their assets.
On one hand it is a fact of life that there is nothing more hypnotic and irresistable to males than to have a lash at a nekked female, and they all do it, even gay guys (NTTIAWWT), but ...

on the other hand this phenomenon is all fine and dandy as long as that nekked female in question isn't their Mother, Wife, Partner, Sister, Cousin, Aunt, Grandma, and especially if it is their Daughter!

Oddly enough Gentlemen, like the Tasmin Archer song says, all females are
Somebody's Daughter.

Now the bipolarity of the whole Madonna/Whore Complex thingamabob that men have is embedded deep within the DNA, so you can comment, kvetch and complain about that about that if you want to...

...and yes, despite the myriad of reasons why we shouldn't even be discussing this instead of the hissy fight between Clay Aiken and Kelly Ripa, are you surprised that Brit decided to Think Pink instead of Think $Green?

So, will this br-hoohau-hau
kill her career
carry it forward
have no effect?

36 comments:

  1. Ok you did call that one for sure. But i am sure she had a perfectly good explanation for all of this. Just left the hospital after seeing her doctor and was just trying to get home to fix this whole mess and ....those darn Paparazzi...and well she must be broke and cannot afford underwear now cuz of the children and court costs and such. See a perfectly good explanation....

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  2. "Leave it to beaver." I love it.

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  3. NEWS FLASH!!!

    We interrupt this program to break this shocking news:

    Woman uses feminine wiles and physical attributes to get men interested in her again.

    Alert the news media.

    Is anyone really surprised? Everything else is changing at a mile a second -- why wouldn't this?

    Remember the pic of Marilyn Monroe and the air being blown up her skirt? That was racey then.

    This is the evolution of that, the shock thing, the nothing is sacred credo.

    She can't lose. I say this will carry her forward. She's a Paris with some talent. It'll work.

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  4. hodedoo,
    Nice try. What is shocking is that she doesn't have a magical hoochie.
    I mean think about all of those celebrity goddesses who have millions of fans who would die for one night with them and here we discover that they are regualr folk..what a downer.

    angela,
    I was thinking that Brit must have been impressed by Janet Jackson's ubercoverage over her wardrobe malfunction..so there's only one way to outdo that...

    without pants,
    Well she is trapped between Madonna, the Grand Dame of Modern Sexpots on one end and Hillary Duff, squeaky virgin on the sweet side, on the other.

    While Brit was gone for a few years the media vacuum sucked up Lohan and Simpson to fill in the void...hey wait you don't know or care who any of these girls are do you?

    You're right it will give her extra mileage..although she should have got some work done on those scars.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Was Britney on a gynecological scan or something?

    btw those pics r circulating everywhere now and when I first saw em, I was disgusted. Didn't her momma teach her to wear undies!! Well then again she's associating Paris...what more can u expect from such women. btw I wonder if any man would wanna see Britney naked again LOL!

    yeah she's someone's daughter...but not every daughter grows up to be a decent woman with some brains.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous10:10 PM

    Isn't it spelled Brittany, or Bretagne, depending which side of the Channel you're on?
    She should stick with Beaver -it's easier to spell!
    Totally unrelated, but....some of these word verifications are actually very dirty words in other languages!

    ReplyDelete
  7. We live in a world that is overloaded with sex in the form of commercialism and advertising. This day and age, most of our youth are desensitized to seeing a little 'cooter' here and there.

    Is it just me or nowadays showing ones, "private parts" has become a public rite of passage?

    Heck, I have even fallen victim to trying to prove my sexy by photos. SO who am I to talk. But dang it iffin I flashed my cootertooter. Nope, that's for the husband's eyes only.

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  8. kesh,
    I think that some younger men would pay to see a retouched layout that was less real! The phrase too much information comes to mind.
    Honestly, what the hell was she thinking. Sure seh got in the news but at what cost. Will anyone believe that this wasn't staged?
    It completely destroys the 'magical honey pot' theory..and brings her crashing to down to Earth with ordinary mortals. Celebs are supposed to be different than the rest of us...so much for that.

    dinahmow,
    Now that she has been properly CASTORgated perhaps she will consider changing her name.
    I think that a little too much K-Fed has rubbed off on her..I am not sure if Soccer Moms will ever drive their tweenies to a Britney concert anymore.

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  9. awaiting,
    Ha! Yes there is a limit and let's face it there is nothing 'sexy' about these images.
    I suppose that Brit is past the Playboy level and moved straight on to the Hustler type..sort of like Dante only it is the 9 circles of porn instead of hell.

    You are probably right the younger crowd has grown up with cyber snapper so they might not even care..geez maybe I am being an old fashioned prude. But if I was her PR guy I would be getting ready for a charm offensive with Brit and Kids photo ops at Disneyland.

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  10. reyspoutine11:07 PM

    i'm thinking the only reason anyone should care is that someone cares.

    why perpetuate lameness?
    your blog is 95% magic and then you throw in this clunker....stop dumbing it down for the masses!
    give us god talk, darwinism, cool stats and crazy crows any day of the week, something that's worth discussing.

    this is just...just......

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  11. reyspoutine,
    What I am discussing are the social ramifications of a major entertainment figure 're-positioning' herself and our society's reaction.
    I didn't dumb this down, there is an undercurrent of sarcacsm and despair at the state of affairs.

    We have a plethora of important issues dragging our species into the abyss and the media goes wild over this story.
    This is supposed to be stupid and we should be shocked that the queen of the tweenies has sold her soul to claw her way back to the top of the pile of crap.

    You may choose to ignore it's impact but it is still another marker on how low the social benchmark can go... but millions of GenX & Yers are taking notes.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dang, if I were her pr rep, I'd have her in black and white and a head garm so fast the only words she'd know are "God sees all".

    Damage control, though, unforeseeable at this point.

    *laughs at HE for keeping up with celebrity gossip...at least I'm not the only one!*

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  13. awaiting,
    Guilty. You know as shallow as it seems we need to realise that archeologists find their greatest caches of artifacts in ancient garbage dumps! What do you suppose future historians will discover on old internet cyberspace...porn, celebrity gossip, sports stats...garbage.
    Many anthropologists will argue that gossip was the actual primer for us developing language.
    We aren't really a little lower than angels as many would have you believe...we are in a class all by ourselves.

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  14. I can't believe WW (or anyone else, for that matter) thinks Britney has talent. Have people actually heard her singing??? Or are people just too blinded by the firm tits? I apologize for the crudeness, but given the subject I think it's rather fitting.

    I don't think she needed to show us her c-section scars to move forward in her career. And I don't think it'll help or hinder her career. If anything, I thought her interview with Matt Lauer (in which she looked like a dirty white-trash skank and sounded like a dumb white-trash skank) would have done more damage than this little stunt.

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  15. anna,
    Maybe white-trash-skank is so out that it's in! Part of the problem is that the average person can deal with trashing celebrities but keeping up on Middle East schisms or Genocide in Northern Africa requires a little more effort.
    In a nutshell ooverwhelming issues are 'work' and celeb worship/trashing fills in that vacuum.
    Nobody has to my knowledge suggested that Brit is going to pick up any Nobel prize this year and unfortunately part of the fantasy of being a sex kitten is that you want them to be dumb and a little trashy...that makes it easier to imagine that there is a faint hope clause about actually consumating your fantasy.
    The sex kittens have to be accessible yet unattainable to really work...this unfortunately was a little too much information and made her too trashy...and now we have an opening for the next sex kitten who will guard that balance between slut/goddess a little better!

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  16. Britney WHO? Hey, seen one, seen them all........

    I have ONE good reason to see the draft reinstated.......just to see Brit, Paris, and the Bush twins put in combat boots and sent to Leavenworth if they don't cut it.

    ReplyDelete
  17. THE michael,
    You mean Britney's HOOHOO!
    If you sent those gals to leavenworth it would give the term penal institution a whole new twist.
    Notice that I didn't even touch the bush twins..
    such restraint.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anna:

    Hey girl I gotta respond. I said Britney had "SOME" talent as opposed to Paris, who has none.

    I don't at all support what she did.

    All I'm saying is I think baring her scars and her yoo-hoo will continue her 15 minutes of fame for another 15 minutes or more.

    I'm no fan of hers, never have been. This was just an act of desperation. Will it work? Yep.

    Because of our Entertainment Tonight society.

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  19. I laughed out loud at the beaver censor. (I needed a laugh -- has it been that long since I last visited?)

    ReplyDelete
  20. within,
    Now that you've said your piece I'll let Brit do the talkin'...

    Hush.. just stop!
    There's nothing you can do or say (ba-by)
    I've had enough I'm not your property as from today (baby)

    You might think that I won't make it on my own but now I'm

    (CHORUS)
    Stronger than yesterday
    now it's nothin' but my way
    my UNDERWEAR ain't killing me no more
    I...I'm stronger!

    andrea,
    Oh thank goodness!
    I'm so glad that you got a larf out of it!
    While I was glue sticking the Beaver (OLD SCHOOL) I kept thinking that I am overdue for a viewing of the Rorschach Inkblot Collection anyway.

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  21. I must have had my head under a rock-haven't heard anything of this until right now! And just as well :). Whatever happened to having self-respect? Unbelieveable. I actually think it very sad that any woman would want to portray herself in this way - she obviously doesn't think much of herself.

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  22. Hmm..now what do I say?

    Nothing more than what has already been said. But I couldn't just go without leaving mark of my presence!

    :D

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous8:37 AM

    Who cares?
    Could not care any less?

    ReplyDelete
  24. lee,
    This sort of thing once ENDED careers now the opposite is true because Paris Hilton became famous after her Sexcapades made it to the Internet..she is famous for being famous...that says a great deal about our world.

    gautami,
    Well, you were brave enough to have made it through this and leave your mark..it must be astounding to your oriental sensibilities, people don't even 'kiss' in Indian movies!
    What confuses me is how we have been boiling our frog 'culture' so slowly ...didn't we notice that the heat was rising like we did in the 60s with a full generation gap and women's lib...now what is it that we are rebelling against?

    anon,
    Obviously not your secretive mysterious enigmatic self!

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  25. Hi HE
    I'm kinda am at a loss for words!
    I'll just say...
    I feel sorry for her kids!
    Not much of a role model..is she?

    Margie

    ReplyDelete
  26. hi margie,
    I wasn't trying to shock anyone I thought that it was worth examining why stunts like this aren't as shocking as they should be.
    I would like to say that her role modelling days are over but a segment of the public has obviously moved the benchmark on us and the rest have very short memories...we'll see.
    She is only one cause du jour or hit song away from being back in the game.

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  27. I agree HE.

    ** Celebs are supposed to be different than the rest of us...

    the only difference is that most of will do anything for fame or money.


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I agree, I feel sorry for her kids. Have you noticed the coochie photos are all taken in the same setting?! The ladies (I use the term loosely) are all getting out of a vehicle. You would think they would be a bit more creative. tsk tsk hoochies!

    As a parent it is my worst fear to have my children look up to someone like this and it kills me that little girls all over the world think she's the greatest.

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  29. //Oddly enough Gentlemen, like the Tasmin Archer song says, all females are
    Somebody's Daughter.//

    This my friend they dont care. Thats y i hate these kind of females giving bad names to other women. sad.

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  30. keshi,
    No kidding. Who would have thought that she didn't have something extra in the basement..shouldn't a goddess be MORE than mere mortal.
    I am sure that her parents are scratching their heads..they probably could not have imagined that 10 years after being a Mousketeer that pictures of her Mini Mouse would be splattered all over the internet.

    Hi christine,
    As far as role models go Brit is probably lost to the tweenie market because Soccer Moms will make it taboo for their little suburban Princesses to adorn their walls with her posters..Aguilera left this scene with her Dirty stage too...the stage is set for a brand new tweenie queen because Duff, Lohan and Simpson are all to old now...gotta feed the machine..the marketers will find someone very quickly...just watch.

    ghosty,
    This sex angle is bad for business for young audiences..record execs need that pristine celibate princess to be above reproach. Britney is in trouble if she thinks that she can muscle in on Madonna's territory.
    Madonna has always controlled her image and her sex was a feminist equalization statement and came along on the tailwinds of the women's liberation movement...her in your face sex was embedded with the notion from the late 70s that said hey guys women can have it both ways too...we aren't your slaves..I give her credit for that.

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  31. Anonymous9:39 AM

    I wish they would spare us and just... well, die is a tad harsh, isn't it?

    We're not going to be subjected to a BritFed sex tape a la Brit's new BFF Paris, are we?

    Yeah they're all someone's daughter. And they should be ashamed of themselves for humiliating their families the way they do. Then again... those people helped make them what they are, didn't they?

    ReplyDelete
  32. laura e,
    Luv the avatar! Well I suppose that we can blame the parents for part of it but my Psychologist connection tells me that Freud is out. Certainly her parents must be horrified and wondering where the hell they went wrong..I suspect that when the armoured trucks started backing up and dumping tons of money into the Spears home that a lot of their original limits started to get redrawn...more more more is never enough is it ..really.
    However you can't control them forever and after two ridiculous marriages that proved that she has no common sense and all of those years being cloistered in the biz have left a huge gap in the personal relationship part of her brain...her idea of reality has been stretched far past what any of us could be considered normal.
    None of us have been worshipped ...
    so who is to say how crazy we would get if we were demigods?

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  33. **that pictures of her Mini Mouse would be splattered all over the internet.


    LOL!


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I hope that Disney doesn't find out..their lawyers are scary about protecting the image of their Muffketeers..I mean Mousketeers!
    It's a small world afterall...

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  35. haha!

    heyy HE ur comment abt Pam n Borat got me laughing sooo loud at work :):)

    Keshi.

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  36. i cannot understand why she and paris would wear such horribly short skirts if they're going commando- they know exactly what will happen, we all do!
    i mean... when i go without panties, i wear jeans or a long skirt- not a mini for crying out loud!

    ReplyDelete

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