Although I am enthusiastic about sharing the planet with other multicellular organisms I have a strong aversion to being eaten by one of them.
To tell the truth I have have never been able to decide which predation would be the proverbial worst way to go. Exhumed and listed below are the principal terrorists from my childhood nightmares....
Appropriately labelled 'ursus arctos horribulus' this monstrous omnivorous cousin of the pig
(males are Boars and females are Sows)can weigh up to 1500
pounds and run 35 miles per hour!
Grizzly_ Bears scare the hell out of me and I could think of little else if I was hiking in the foothills of Alberta..unless I was with some that I could easily outrun?!
If you enjoy the 'odd' documentary, Grizzly Man is an incredible examination of a delusional champion of the wild named Timothy Treadwell who spent 13 summers living unarmed in a tent amongst Grizzlys until the inevitable self fulfilling prophecy took place.
Several hours to the North by plane is one of the largest concentrations of the equally gigantic but far more dangerous Polar_Bear .
During Hallowe'en Night in Churchill, Manitoba, children collect candy while everyone else is patrolling the outskirts of the town in their trucks.
Polars, being products of a harsh environment, will eat anything, anytime, anywhere..
The Grizzly Man would not have lasted 13 summers living beside Polars..he would not have lasted 13 minutes.
Since I cannot decide which Bear is more terrifying there is a tie breaker..a Grizzly-Polar Hybrid has been discovered ..the product of the closely related species interbreeding in overlapping territories.
ISN'T THAT SPECIAL?
Great White Shark
The Whiteshark may be an endangered species but the thing of it is they can be over 20 feet long and weigh a couple of tons. Chances are that you will die from drowning or simply exsanguinate from the 30 pound excavation of your body mass.
This 300 pound reptile,the world's largest Lizard, the Komodo_Dragon delivers a quick toxic bite with it's 52 one inch teeth and waits patiently for the prey to die from the 15 strains of virulent saliva oozing in it's mouth from rotting carrion.
The 'Fierce' snake, the world's deadliest terrestrial serpent, is a 9 foot long creature that can kill 100 men with a single bite of it's venom.
I have witnessed a televisual demonstration of how a litre of human blood congeals into a thick 'gelatin' within minutes..hmm having my blood turn to jello courtesy of the Taipan's venom..
Ruthless, cunning, and willing to suck the very life out of their prey is perhaps the most dangerous creature of all, the dreaded Divorce Lawyer.
Bereft of a soul or conscience these vampiric predators wait undetected until the scent of marital discord and endless billable hours whips them into a frenzy. Without hesitation Divorce Lawyers unleash the full force of their arsenal; legalistic mumbo jumbo, adversarial politics, malice aforethought, and shameless theatrics upon the already wounded remorseful and self loathing prey items.
By clamping on the victim's assets like a Pit Bull they meticulously extract the heart, wallet and eventually the prey item's soul...
which they will later gnaw on after they drag the carcass around town in full view of the public. Not a pretty sight and you actually have to pay to have it done to you.
I guess I'll go with the Taipan..it's the fastest way to go.
HAVE YOU EVER WORRIED ABOUT BEING EATEN ALIVE?