Wednesday, November 08, 2006

An Unsolicited Alien Anal Probe Into A Resuscitated Sasquatch!

I remember watching a documentary that featured a hospital operating room with electronic reader boards strategically placed on the top of the machines. The messages are randomly altered and impossible for anyone to read them unless they are hovering near the ceiling.

They are there to test the authenticity of the near death testimonials that occur from time to time. The theory is that if the proclaimer can accurately repeat the nonsensical message then their spirit may have actually vacated their body. The patient's descriptive vision of the hospital technicians that were trying to revive their dead body would have some credibility. So far not a single person has passed the test.

It's discouraging for some to even contemplate questioning the validity of an afterlife experience.
I believe that the reason everyone recites a nearly identical vision during their death is not that complicated.
The ubiquitous tunnel of light (heaven) or dark (hell) is cemented in our collective conscious.
For centuries now Western Culture has had a well scripted roadmap of the stairway to heaven and the 9 levels circling hell (thanks Dante).

I find it interesting that shared experiences regarding the paranormal are nearly identical.
People who have been kidnapped by Aliens, sighted a Sasquatch or hovered above their corpse, nearly always recall, verbatim, ridiculously similar details of the event.

For the record I have chosen not to believe most of them.
The near death experience is naturally accompanied by a HUGE explosion of internal pain killers released by the body.
This hallucigenic trip to Endorphia is predestined.
A momentous trip of that magnitude will naturally leave the recipient overwhelmed by images and memories from deep within their subconscious.
It is the equivalent of your brain (computer) saving all of your data before it shuts down. Quite ingenious actually.
This phenomenon actually lends more credence to the idea of a genetic reboot than a shared urban myth about travelling through a heavenly wormhole.

I have less empathy for those poor, attention-starved, recipients of nocturnal, anal probing by Aliens.
I once heard a brilliant observation regarding this scenario.
A comedian unequivecably disqualified the entire delusion with the following observation.
He argues that,

" if Extraterrestiral Alien Life had the technology to travel millions of light years to reach Earth, WHY, if they are that intelligent, would they waste their time looking up people's asses??? Even more incredible, WHY would they ever do it twice???"

Sasquatch, Yehti whatever you want to call them, the mysterious Ape-Man Creature, has been acknowledged throughout history by nearly every culture. Could a large Ape/Hominid or hybrid really exist? I would be very excited to see proof..which unfortunately would require a corpse that could be examined.

I've watched countless hours of documentaries on the subject and as a former TV producer I am well aware of the plethora of visual and audio trickery available to the presenters. As an avid student of paleo-anthropological inquiry I am fascinated by the prospect of another pseudo hominid or gigantic occidental ape hiding out from it's main competitor (us) in the uninhabited, unwanted areas of our planet.
I am doubtful however.

I will leave you with this testimony that highlights the mystical powers of persuasion. While I attended a university class on Anthropology a visiting (credible) Zoologist from Alaska had a remarkable (inconclusive) tale to tell regarding the Sasquatch.

While celebrating a birthday one evening out on the dock the Zoologist and his guests were surrounded by the seasonally expected sounds of springtime in the Alaskan bush. The sun had just retired but the cacaphony of birds and wildlife was overwhelming. Suddenly it was dead quiet. The man recalled how his Huskys, two huge dogs, came wimpering down to the end of the dock with tails between their legs.

Then a large, upright, silhouette passed by the windows of their house just up the hill.
It wasn't a bear, the dogs were accustomed to bears and bears can't walk that far on their hind legs.

Through the trees they could clearly see that a very human-like figure was blocking the light from the windows which were seven feet off of the ground! After a few minutes... the sounds of the forest slowly returned... and the dogs relaxed but stayed right under their feet.

OOOOH! I loved that story and still I remember shivers running up and down my spine while I was listening. This witness was very sincere and totally convinced that he had seen something out of the ordinary.

My guess is that we homo escapeons just need the paranormal experience to make our lives more interesting and keep the hope alive that there is more to this Life (and the next?) than what we can see, hear, smell, touch and taste.


  1. I was going to ask what a Sasquatch was. Thank you for explaining it so well. x

  2. Anonymous9:45 p.m.

    What a concise, sensible analysis of everything that is the paranormal! Or, for that matter, the abnormal.

    If my favorite radio show, Coast To Coast AM, ever aired this, they'd be out of business!

    And you never even touched on crop circles, the pyramids, the Shroud of Turin, Atlantis or anything to do with the hoax that is religion...

    I concur that we invent many of these things just to spice up our lives. But then beer, wine and other spirits are supposed to do the same thing...

    Write on, SS, you're right on.

  3. cherrypie,
    It is also the name of our neighbouring Province, Sasquatchewan.

    anonymous pre within without,
    You may be shocked to see your old comment ressurected but I felt like rehashing this after attending the funeral yesterday.

    I realised that I don't have any answers about the afterlife and don't have any warm fuzzies about the great hereafter. Rather unsettling but something to be dealt with nontheless.
    I am trying to decide where that leaves me.

  4. *raises a hand* I had a near-death experience in 1995. I was in the recovery room after a surgical procedure, and I was in a lot of pain. I was lying on my stomach, and suddenly the pain was completely gone, and I felt myself drift up. I saw the back of my own head on the table, face down. I saw and heard the nurses revive me, and then like a "whoosh" I was back, and in terrible pain again.
    My heart had stopped for a few minutes is all that I know. I don't believe it was an hallucination, but one never knows. I am still not sure what happened.

  5. OTidalgrrrl,
    I knew that this was going to be full of surprises. It is far more interesting to view it as an out of body experience...way more interesting...and I believe that is exactly what you remember.
    Do you suppose that your brain was rebooting and that the stimuli from the events in the operating room were organised by your semi conscious brain to buffer your a mental airbag.

  6. HE- I think that the airbag theory might be correct - but I don't know. I certainly hope that anyone in a similar situation, near death, etc., would have a painless floating experience when it happens.

    Personally I was hoping for a light, a tunnel, some angels or something. I think I'm more of an atheist now that before that happened.

  7. I THOUGHT I had read this before...and then see my pre-Within Without comment.

    This was one of your best early posts and I can get why you'd resurrect it with Cam's death.

    I don't think anyone can have answers to these kinds of questions -- as in TidalGrrrrl's experience -- just theories and guesses.

    And I think yours are pretty close to the mark.

  8. If I had not been warned in advance that there were hidden message boards placed for such a view, I might not have noticed them due to the shock and awe of finding myself floating over my own body, and might have not paid any attention to them while I watched the much-more-fascinating frenzy going on around my body as they try and resusitate me.

    It was also noted (if this is the same study I just heard about) that those asked to imagine being in a near death situation could not provide very accurate details one would expect to find during a code, while those who actually claimed to have had the experience usually discribed the experience much more accurately, with details that medical personnel would expect to occur.

    The jury is still out on that one, as far as I can reason.

    As far as Sasquatch goes, I think the aliens kidnapped him. hehe

  9. Anonymous3:20 p.m.

    I "died" (heart stopped, brain didn't) during surgery when I was 12. Bad reaction to the anethesia. I don't remember anything until I came to a day later - in hellish pain.

    I think when life ends, it ends. Game over. No heaven, no hell

    Human beings invented an afterlife to comfort the living. A belief that we can go on and on (cue Celine) and then meet up again in the hereafter is very comforting because it gives meaning and purpose to this life.

    Eventually, folks created rules to get to the afterlife to ensure only "their kind" got into the next life. Naturally those left out got pissed and created their own afterlife and rules of entrance.

    Over time some versions of the afterlife trumped others and the whole thing became a big mish-mash of beliefs, totally screwing up the point of life:

    It's not what you get when you leave it, it's what you get when you live it.


  10. Anonymous4:10 p.m.

    I'd love to have a paranormal experience for a change! I'm sick of paranoia!

  11. Homey, Did you read my post about Bigfoot (May 11th post)? I was only nine but I know what I saw and heard. And I never had another weird thing happen to me after that, which in my head proves that I did see/hear this thing.

  12. I am rather Mulderesque in my attitude towards the paranormal: I want to believe! I get so excited and shivers run down my spine at the thought of being abducted, seeing Bigfoot, or wandering through a crop circle. However I find myself sadly doubting everything, and believing only in the cruelty of some humans and the gullibility of others. It's somehow more comforting to believe in a dark smokey room filled with men in large suits, rather than to think that it's all just morons like you and me getting a kick out of fooling some other morons. Whether it's somebody engineering a crop circle, or somebody lying about their abduction experience... To make matters worse, the stories escalate to the point where a suggestable individual may even believe in an experience they never actually had.

    This is meant in no way to belittle those who have genuine experiences (eg, tidalgrrrl, yours sounds very funky).

    But it's a shame that I find myself unable to believe due to oversaturation of bulls**t. (Haven't yet joined the Australian Sceptics Society though - incidentally, did you know their meeting place in Melbourne is a haunted pub?)

  13. Very interesting topic and the post is well-written.

    **The near death experience is naturally accompanied by a HUGE explosion of internal pain killers released by the body.

    thats the scientific explanation of NDEs. And it may be right. But may be can anyone prove that?


  14. Interesting tid-bit - I read somewhere that many people who undergo Near Death Experiences have trouble with electronic equipment afterwards. The most common occurence is wristwatches failing constantly.

  15. I tend to look at death as just another instance of conservation of matter and energy. We die and we dissipate whatever electromagnetic field and energy we generate. Our bodies decompose and - except for us who buy the deluxe funeral with plenty of embalming and a hermetically sealed vault and casket - return to the earth. How can nature compile a running list of living things to reincarnate? I doubt it, and so we become the building blocks of life again to be spread through the food chain and support whatever life we or part of us can help jump start as a nutrient or fertilizer.

    Isn't that mysterious, mystical and wonderful enough?

  16. tidalgrrrl,
    We have only begun to investigate the power of the brain. We know that under intense periods of stress that humans are capable of performing superhuman feats of strength and courage. Something deep within us, what we call willpower or self preservation has yet to reveal it's full potential...but you can bet that the military is looking into it.

    without wherewithall,
    These unanswerable questions are the ones that are the most fun to explore. Even if we can't answer them YET we still need to keep asking...that's how we got is the reason that we can fly and implant hearts.

    THE michael,
    I know that you are a devout student of the unknown forces of the universe. I am open to some sort of invisible energy force at work in the universe (I can't see gravity but I understand that it has physical origin) however I think that we have to get past the Uri Geller parlor trick stage and seriously examine it.
    Where there is smoke there is usually fire but there are also a lot of folks blowin smoke up our wazoos and smokin' funny cigarettes so for now anyway I am on the fence.

    laura E,
    I am completely onboard with this on a historical/sociological level. In fact it is quite easy to trace the pantheon of gods that we have invented over the last 5000 years. People have borrowed and adapted from other religions in a game of one upmanship..the results of which are evident and in play in the war in the middle east.

    As a scrawny, soft tissued, primate it was and is easy for us to feel vulnerable when we stare out across the moonlit savannah..where we live is a hostile place full of predators that are far more powerful than us...we cannot help but wonder if something even more powerful exists up there in the stars.

  17. cream,
    Da Komrade, vee must vork togethar for Paranoika!
    At my age I am happy to have a 'pair o'normal' anything.

    I am so glad to hear from you. OK I read your account and it was spooky. That being said you didn't actually see one, you were only 9 years old and had recently ingested a portion of a tranquilizer. In a courtroom this wouldn't be very convincing. This doesn't take anything away from how terrified you were.

    I recently admitted to Heather at Dazed and Confuzzled that I had seen a vase hover in the air when I was a kid. To me it was the spookiest thing that ever happened...I know now that it probably was my imagination but it still gives me the willys.

    Wanna share a cell? I have the same problem because after 4o odd years of listening to BS and never being surprised at how low some people can stoop I am such a skeptic.
    Part of me would love to race off and embrace lalaland because it is fantastic and dreamy. Unfortunately little things like how ordinary Adolph Eichman was, how nonchalant he was about devising methods to exterminate millions, how clear his conscious was, how indignant he was that anyone should challenge his legacy...that is scary. Pure evil can be so run of the mill.

    Science has revealed so much and we have just begun...really. Look we are still debating evolution in 2006! The old myths will not be able to placate us forever but most people will wait for a damn good reason to abandon them or atleast something opposed to having to ask more questions every time another door is opened. We're lazy and we like to have things put on our says the ramblin' man.

    That is what we are trying to find out. Biologically we can see the effects of brain activty during watching your radar gun when a car speeds by, you know what happened but you can't tell what was going on inside the speeding car.
    Have you ever seen the movie Brainstorm with Natalie Wood? It is all about being able to record and share 'experiences ' with other people..very interesting and scary. I don't want to take all of the mystery out of Life..random occurrences are actually quite enough for me thank you very much. If I was a statistician I would be hiding under my bed all day.
    Since nothing is going to be decided on this matter and it is just an investigation I would just like to say how fantastic those wedding pictures from Kiwiland were.

    doo doo doo doo dooo.
    OK we humans run on electricity..I mean other animals like Sharks can track us in pitch black water by following our electrical impulses.
    After a rebooting of your brain or achieving system restore on other body parts that rely on electrical power it is certainly possible to screw up your electronics...that's why people need pace makers.
    Just a hunch what the hell do I know.

    Actually that is miraculous enough for me..but we humans are quite vain and we are totally conceited and self absorbed. We are the pinnacle of zoological phenomenon so there has to be more to it. Even if we can trace evidence of our bio-mechanical apparatus back through the animal kingdom..all of our working parts came from our just doesn't sit well with our cultural vision of WHO and WHAT we are.

    After we have eliminated the rest of the species on the planet we will be guaranteed a place at the table with all of the other alpha species that ruled their epochs...
    although none of them did it consciously like we are..
    well what do you know, I guess that we really are special!

  18. Sasquatchewan? Haaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

  19. I like this entry you put together some very interesting points of view, both yours and other people's perspectives alike.
    As a nurse I deal with many patients who have been revived, had near death experiences as it were. My first experience of this was when I was a nursing student and I revived (CPR) a lady after she had a heart attack. Her last memory was of my voice saying, "You aren't going anywhere!" I believe that the sense of hearing is probably last to go.
    However, what you say here about the endorphin increase due to the amount of pain being experienced has good merrit indeed. I wonder if the bosy would or could also go into a "numb shock" also as not to feel anything, as in a trauma? Food for thought.

  20. The creature spied by your Alaskan zoologist was actually Adam from Northern Exposure.

  21. Cazzie - that would gel with what I experienced - because I clearly heard the nurses talking to me, and telling certain things would "hurt" and I didn't feel a thing. Afterwards I had the bruises from the IV's and the paddles, but at the time I only heard them speaking and telling me what they were doing to me.
    I would absolutely believe that the hearing is the last thing to go.

  22. Well, I'm the consumate atheist and I had a "near death experience" myself, many years ago. My heart stopped beating briefly, apparently, and I had a sort of outer body, mystical experience. I don't try to rationalize this, though, nor do I assign some religious meaning to it.

    The spiritual/mystical experience as exemplified by everything from Buddhist meditation to getting stoned and staring at your hand, is a healthy human experience. Studies done recently with psylocibin (sp? - "magic mushrooms") show that many people come away from the experience feeling spiritually fulfilled and "at one with the universe."

    So, though I do abhor religion, I do believe that there is a important place for spirituality and mysticism.

    As for superstitions... eh.


  23. You might not believe it but I had similar experiences. And I wasn't ever near death. I could see myself hovering above my body and wondered what's happenning. It used to recur. No dream like state either. I can't explain it either. If I told anyone they did not believe it. So I stopped mentioning. Nowadays, I do not have such experiences. I don't miss those either.

    As I am alive it was not after life..:D

    You brought that all back. I will keep thinking about it.

  24. I'm a HUGE skeptic, but for some reason I LOVE those paranormal shows on Discovery and Travel Channel, and I am very interested in people's out of body experiences. I just think it's damn neat. I also read vampire novels. heheh!

  25. mj,
    Ain't it the have no idea how much it grieves us Tobans that Sasquatchewan in turning into a HAVE Province...rrrr!

    I think thatthis mental airbag is a brilliant defense mechanism...anything to save the human hard drive..shut down all of the running programs and try to reboot.
    Well when you consider the length of time and all of the experimental genetic mutations that our bodies have gone through to get to this point it isn't that surprising that trauma issues had to be dealt with. Our ancestors had lives that were a lot harder than ours.

    chaucer's bitch,
    HA you may be right.I still remember how cool I thought that story was..I just wished that I could remember what I had smoked for lunch that day?

    That is weird because studies have proven that hearing is the first thing to go on men...or is that listening?

    hey jersey,
    Thanks for dropping by. I agree with your words of wisdom...magic mushrooms are awesome!
    If only more Republican kids took the opportunity to 'stare at their hands'instead of listening to rhetoric and jingoistic talk radio.

    Are you going to go and see BOBBY?

    Weird! Wow so many people have had these OOB experiences. How old were you when you were hovering?
    I believe that you believe that you believed that you were floating above your body....if it starts agin let us know.

    I do too. Despite my skepticism I am a sucker for all of those goofy shows..most of the time I try to dissect them with my screw-youtinizer...but every so often I say to myself OOOOOH AAAAAH!

    I love vampire stuff too...I lap it up!

  26. that was a good insightful answer to my Qn HE, thanks! :)

    And Im glad u enjoyed the pics...more will follow next week hehehe.



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