Thursday, November 09, 2006

FED HAS LOWERED INTEREST RATE!
Since Life After Death has now been more than adequately discussed it's time to raise the bar and tackle more serious issues!

Apparently K FED is now FED X. The Professional Cad and Career Killer received the shocking news that stunned the nation via an impersonal text message... his wife was filing for divorce, her second, sort of.
OOPS she did it again!..sort of?

There for all of the world to see in black and white was a brief hand written explanation:
I want my f***ing career back!
You might say that FED-X gave a whole new meaning to the term anchorman!

Well isn't that special...now what is the FED MAN supposed to do?
Obviously he will no longer be famous for walking around wearing T-Shirts that read
Yo Dog, I'm Hittin' Dat

Fedsterama's latest album, Playin' With Tires, described by critics as a monument to mediocrity, sold an underwhelming 6000 copies..making barely enough dough to keep him and his posse in weed and lapdances for one hour.

Back in the day when the Fedster was 'playin' (get it) CeleBritney Poke-her,
he was living large in the fantasy dreamworld of millions of boner ridden adolescent males.
C'mon..the Fedmeister was 'doin' the naughtiest/nice girl-next-door!

K Fiddy was much more than a human millstone around Brit's neck. Aside from being paparazzi gold, he was an accomplished backup dancer for the likes of Pink, Michael Jackson, and of course his ex wife's ex boyfriend Justin Timberlake.

I fear that the Prince Of Playas' status as a rapper may be in permanent jeopardy now that K Phat is without the crib cred of his ex-meal ticket.

Since he ain't spearing Britney Spears anymore, the most likely career move would be to impregnate another rising starlet and ruin her career.
Whatever happens, he has done a magnificent job of extending his (Andy) Warholian 15 minutes of fame into a nauseating 4 year stretch. Bravo!

My question is,
How long is the shelf life of FED X and who will replace him?
Will Justin dump Cameron and go running back for the good stuff?
No, maybe she needs somebody HOTTER ...Orlando?

More importantly, who would care to wager that a PLAYBOY spread is now inevitable to reboot the career of our little miss muffin?

30 comments:

  1. finally hello. i hope you don't mind that i am visiting you from your old and my new friend's captivating blog, mr. ww.

    i felt it was time to make a direct connection if you have the time or interest. i am a writer and sometimes my blog can be sappy but i am for the most part very cool and very compelling.

    this is the most direct introduction i have ever written...

    :)

    kj

    ReplyDelete
  2. kj,
    I like direct..and no I don't mind that you have wandered over here from mr.sensitive sexy gap toothed ladies man aka within without.
    I hope that you didn't expect to find another outrageously pandering estrogen trough like my good friend's blog:
    'Snippets from my Nadgers'

    Feel free to rant, ridicule and rebuke anything that you read here...and don't forget to scroll about and check out some of the amazing poets on my blogroll.

    fronty,
    My word, have you no soul man? This poor fellow just lost everything that he had schemed so hard to attain.

    The Prince of Playas is dead!
    Long Live The Prince!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fed X! I love it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. reyspoutine2:09 PM

    who are these people?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous2:19 PM

    A major shift of historic proportions occurs in Washington and you give us BARBY? My Bob, man, snap out of it!

    You realize you just added another five minutes of fame to BOTH of these bozo's, right? SHAME ON YOU!

    I do wonder, however, how many hours of extreme photoshop went into that last pic.......

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is the funniest thing I read all day. Fed Ex....Classic. I read on MSN where only 300 people showed up for K-fed concert at some club. The capacity was over 1000.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Greetings and salutations...
    Its amazing go back to the original images of Britney as a fresh faced team, the girl next door... to now. How she lasted this long is beyond me.

    Playboy then bad english pantomine are the next logical steps.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous3:53 PM

    Oh dear sweet jesu! My eyes, man! Have you no mercy? Someone get me some bleach!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I've had it up to the (sp)ears with Britney, and I'm Fed up with Kevin. Sorry, couldn't resist the little pun.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm hurt - you didn't catch my sarcasm about dancer boy >%^C>.....

    ReplyDelete
  11. KJ:

    The salient points in Homo Escapades' response are his mention of "rant, ridicule and rebuke."

    If he is mentioning my pandering to womens' high levels of estrogen, it is only because he has used up all his testosterone, even though he is younger and much better looking than I am.

    I'm going to have to look up the word "Nadgers," however, although I think I can guess.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm with Ray...who are they?
    I guess I'm not reading the right stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  13. **Apparently K FED is now FED X.

    LOVED IT mate LOL!

    btw I could have easily been Britney's fortune-teller :):)

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I hope to God each night that she does Playboy. Please.

    Who will replace KFed? I will. I will do it. I will bang Britney each night and I won't spend nearly as much of her money doing it.

    I don't know how KFED fucked it up with her, but he should be slapped for it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. He's free to date Cher now.

    ReplyDelete
  16. What I find strange is that Us poor people that stayed married for oh let's say 13yrs and counting. We're still together? We have children just like our betters. Could it be that we haven't sold our souls for MONEY? Could it be that love and not how good we look together in a photo shoot is more important. Just a thought. On the other hand. It just might show that the high and mighty don't know shit about shit. Money can't buy love.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Jesus H. Christ. An A-1 rant on Fed & Twitney.

    Love the blog.

    ReplyDelete
  18. andrea,
    In the end poor Federline didn't get the message via FED X..it was a text message...that's soooo romantic.

    reyspoutini,
    C'mon...I know that you are trying to maintain an air of sophistication that is vital to your profession...but even if you have been hiding in a cave in Afghanistan you would know who these people are...tsk tsk.

    THE michael,
    I felt that this paradigm shift would be better handled by the stalwart political pundits in our midst like yourself, laura elizabeth, frontier editor and jersey mcjones.

    ms. val,
    hey kevin....
    na na na na,
    na na na na,
    hey hey hey,
    goodbye.

    aidan,
    You know exactly how little miss muffin managed to stay in the public eye..the little mousketeer next door ripens into a sexpot and exposes the dichotomy of America's split personality: puritanism v pure voyeurism..Salt Lake City v Las Vegas..virginity v vavavavoom!

    laura elizabeth,
    Sorry but you know darn well that these stories have equal TRACTION at the water cooler..sad but true.

    stace,
    Good for you..I know what you mean..let's get some new celebs to ridicule..these guys have been on the shelf a bit too long.

    fronty,
    OK. I know that you know that what I said to laura e is true...despite the importance of the Mid Term Election your average American would rather discuss the recent curb kicking of 'loser' husbands by Reece, Hillary, Britney and Whitney...Politicians are still Grade B Celebs compared to Media Darlings!

    ReplyDelete
  19. withering heights,
    You know that I love to tease you about how your blog appeals to the ladies because you are soooo sensitive and you share your feelings...to be fair you are either raking Dubya over the coals or laying your nadgers (my new favorite word)on the table discussing the tribulations of single Dad syndrome and I always enjoy your writing and appreciate your honesty.
    HA! You thought that I was going to poke fun at you didn't 'cha?
    Neener!

    Brian, Brian, Brian....
    If you are dealing with young people you should make an effort to see who les Icons du Jour are...
    it doesn't matter if they are superfluous numbnuts or not they still have a great deal of influence and we old squares need to know their Achilles Heel so that we can discredit their mystique and the whole Cult of Personality that we live in...
    plus we need to be able to give credit where it is due...a generation gap is a terrible thing to waste.

    keshiroo,
    No kidding eh? We like to think that people who climb to such heights are smart enough to handle anything..BUT the guilty pleasure of bringing Celebs down to size is the true purpose of it all...we leave a few at the top who don't piss us off but most of them are fair game.

    andthewinnerisblogger,
    For your outstanding effort in submitting the most honest and primal response to anything that I have posted in the entire history of my Blog...
    I award you the Best Comment Ever Award.
    We read it over and over at WWs and we nearly died laughing..

    and you are absolutely right..
    if a regular guy had that opportunity they would NEVER screw that up!
    It is unimaginable..
    beyond the realm of Scince Fiction...
    it is like winning several lotteries at the same time..
    WHAT AN IDIOT HE IS !!!!

    mj,
    Oh no! I think that Cher is a little more discerning in the boy-toy department. I would like to see him snag another rocket scientist like Jessica Simpson...just so people could leave all of those WTF!s in comment sections around the blogosphere...the scariest part of all this is that it is not outside the realm of possibility.

    nekked,
    It makes us feel good to ridicule RICH, SPOILED, EGOMANIACS! That is precisely why we breed them in our media..to make us feel better about our own predicament. This National Pastime is actually very therapeutic.

    hey corporal,
    Good Day eh! Well it was like shooting fish in a barrel but what are ya gonna do? It needed to be said for the umpteenth million time and now I can move on with my life.

    ReplyDelete
  20. It's been FOUR YEARS of that loser already???

    BAH!

    Glad the no-talent blonde bimbo is getting on with her life and getting ready to capitalize on, well, her lack of talent so yeah... Playboy? Probably a good idea for her!

    Either way.. BAH to them both!

    Bohemians do not like those two... nope! And das a fac G!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Haha! I read about the split and laughe. Inevitable. After 2 marriages, 2 kids, and all her media blunders and mishaps...what audience will she target with her music? Playboy is definitely in order.

    ReplyDelete
  22. HAHAHA! I read on Fugly that she'd filed. Bout time, too.

    Apparently for the past year or so, K-Fed has been texting his friends so they can sell Britney out to the Papparazzi photographers. Nothing like making a buck off your friend's wife. I wonder if he got a cut?

    What an ass.

    ReplyDelete
  23. miz bohemia,
    How are you? Well the sad spectacle of this relationship is over so you can relax...why do these high profile duets continue to hijack world events...is it because they are easier to chew on?
    We all seem to agree, especially anonymous blogger, that Playboy is a nobrainer...I suppose she could also try singing?

    awaiting,
    She definitely isn't the girl next door anymore...
    unfortunately she has graduated to the MILF category and that does present problems for the Mothers of her Tweeny fan club! YIKES!

    tidalgrrrl,
    Oooh that is low! Naturally I believe that is entirely within the realm of possibilities...boo hisss boo hisss.

    Hey! said my name is called disturbance
    Ill shout and scream,
    Ill kill the *QUEEN,
    Ill rail at all her servants
    Well, what can a poor boy do
    Except to *STEAL FROM A POP STAR QUEEN
    cause in sleepy *TABLOID town
    Theres no place for a street fighting man
    thanks Mick and Keith
    *I changed a few lines

    ReplyDelete
  24. This is why I rarely watch the boob-tube anymore. I simply don't give a shit about mildly retarded slutty celebrities. :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Jeff Gagne8:13 PM

    i lost the link to your blog for the longest time and the other day while eating peanuts i remembered it, not sure how but i did, and then you managed to make me laugh yet again.. your blog is brilliant

    ReplyDelete
  26. I don't know how everyone else feels about this social picotragedy, but I was so upset that I had to set down my satchel of bon-bons and blow my nose- right
    into my 2007 NASCAR calendar. But
    then I brightened- If brandX or
    whoever is stepping down as the posterboy for Kitsch, opportunity
    may be knocking. I'll have to take
    my tastelessness game down a notch
    or two, but hail, Ah already got so darn many bobbin' dawgs that Ah kin barely see the front 'er mah
    pickup. May's'll run fer office!

    ReplyDelete
  27. christine,
    Now, now. Just wait until you take a stab at your 15 minutes of celebrity fame and we are all lookin' at paparrazi pics of you eating twinkies and giving us the finger and driving with babies on your lap! I bet that you'll change your tune then!

    HI Jeff!
    How are you doing? Thanks for dropping by...have you started doing this yet?
    You are very kind but as you may have figured out I am desperately trying to be all things to all readers in order to win awards and secure a huge book deal.
    Voting for my blog on NOV 12 (sh*t that's TODAY) does not necessarily dovetail with the demographics of my rabid fan base... so I will probably have to buy or sleep my way to the top like everyone else.

    grumblyone,
    Damn straight dog! You got it goin' on know what I'm sayin'?
    The whole tragedy of middle america can be wrapped up in this tragedy. I mean everything that is wrong with our society is right here in front of our noses... none of us want to rub our noses in it but we sure got a good whiff!

    ReplyDelete
  28. grumbloid10:58 PM

    Looky here, son- you don't hafta deal with the smell, iffen
    you don't want ter. Just rig up a
    personal, homemade borescope, like
    they got in the Popular Mechanics
    magazine. They're damn near popular
    as satellite tv dishes, but way easier to rig up (with just a few
    gizmos you might already have lyin' around the trailer). Then you can just sit back, pop open a cold ole 33, and enjoy the view from afar. Jess tryin' ter be neighborly!

    ReplyDelete
  29. grumbloid,
    Now Fed X is shopping around the video from their Honeymoon!!!
    Look out Pam and Tommy, see ya later Paris...WHEN this thing makes it to the internet NOTHING will match it..not even the Numa Numa guy can compete with Britney OOPS she did it again and again...
    Maybe she won't have to do Playboy afterall!
    Hell hath no fury like a scumbag scorned...and an ironclad prenup standing in between him and a lifetime supply of lap dances.!

    ReplyDelete

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