homo escapeons

SNOBLISH
There is only one species of homo escapeons so why don't we eliminate all of the other frivolous languages and everyone could use Central Canadian Standard English!

Mispronouncing certain words or names other than the way that I think that they should sound drives me crazy. There probably is a medical term for such snobbery but I am unaware of it. I realise that the English language is a complicated entity and difficult to learn but the genius of English is its ability to regift other tongues thereby rendering all other languages as superfluous relics of the past.

When Julius Caesar landed in Britain 2,ooo years ago English did not exist and five hundred years later it would have sounded incomprehensible. Even one thousand years later English was spoken by about seven million people, like William Whatshisface Shakespeare, and had little influence beyond the British Isles.

Today however the first global language has over 500,000 stolen or created words and another half million technical and scientific terms to deal with.
Like a crafty gladiator planning a revolution, English kidnapped and held captive any foreign words that came within its reach during periods of captivity.

For instance after The Battle of Hastings in 1066 the British throne was ruled by Norman French speaking Monarchs who could only curse in English. Harold was the last English speaking King for almost 300 years and French and Latin dominated matters concerning law, religion, science and literature. This is the reason that French was/is considered tres la di da. Whatever.

The undeniable, indisputable truth is that at this point in time I can declare without fear of hyperbole that Central Canadian Standard English is indeed
the top of the hopper, pick of the litter, zenith, apex, best, peerless, supreme, matchless, unparalleled, paramount, acme, unrivaled or greatest living version of the English language...EVER!

Central Canadians have abandoned the outrageous, regionally tainted , socially stigmatized, inflections and have unwittingly managed to create a bland, plain, no frills attached, version of English which is unencumbered by character, completely void of style and therefore suitable for global consumption.

It stands to reason that however we Central Canadians decide to pronounce something is ultimately the correct and final word on the matter. Neener!

The reason that we Canadians had to fix English is because like every other problem in the world, the United States really screwed it up. Thanks to the worldwide influence of American Television and Film we humans acknowledge certain dialects of English as either smart, dumb or colourful.

In the Movies viewers have learned to love the novelty of British and Australian accents and readily mock the Forrest Gumpian Southern US twangy drawl. If a character in a movie needs to sound intelligent they give him an Upper Class British Twit accent. Zany and wild is automatically Australian. A villain needs to sound ignorant to be hated so he is automatically saddled with a trailer trash inbred hillbilly white supremicist drawl. Sad but true.

It is my dream that one day every man, woman, and child on the planet will speak Central Canadian Standard English.

Anyway enough with that incendiary mental masturbation.
My big three fingernails on the chalkboard snob words are:
Himalayas
which in my prescence must be pronounced
HYMN-MALL-YAHS
as they do in parts of the world where this mountain range is actually visible. I know, I know.



FAVRE
Brett Favre, if you are within ten feet of me you had better discard the mindnumbing FARVVV!
I will accept FAV-REY or even FAVVVV
but puhleeze do not say FARRRRRVUH!!!!


NUCLEAR
and of course Nuclear is not NEW-KEW-LEWR
or NU-KU-LAR as Dubya loves to say...
I prefer NEW-CLEAR.



What are your Snob Words?