Saturday, November 04, 2006

JUROR-ASS-KICK PARK
Good News for Modern Stone Age Families!

The Creation Science Evangelism and Dinosaur Adventure Land
(and Cheese Emporium) in Pensacola, Florida, is in danger of becoming extinct.

Mr. Kent Hovind, pictured here being 'persecuted' by a pack of vicious Velociraptors*, was found guilty on Thursday on 58 counts of tax evasion.

*Initial reports indicate that the Raptors were released from a top secret IRS Conspiracy Compound and that they were sent to prevent Mr. Hovind from escaping to a make believe world inside of his head.

As a self proclaimed tax exempt worker for God, Kent appeared totally unimpressed with the jury, which deliberated for what must have been a gut wrenching, soul searching couple of hours, before quickly siding with the IRS claim that he owes Uncle Sam thousands of dollars*.
*not millions or billions because that is impossible ya silly goose! Everybody knows that there is no such thing as millions and billions!

For a real report click here
http://www.pensacolanewsjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061103/NEWS01/611030338/1006

Mr. Hovind, not to be confused with Mr. Hominid, could spend the next 64.5 million years in prison despite the vehement protest of his lawyer, who claimed that his client was a victim of religious persecution.
The hell you say!

A 64.5 million year sentence is equal to the distance in time that actually separates the Dinosaurs and Homo Sapiens despite the claims and magical thinking of Intelligent Design adherents and School Trustees in Kansas.

Hovind's infamous Dinosaur Adventure Land, and other pale imitations, apparently feature incontrovertible and astonishing proof that Humans and Dinosaurs shared the planet before Noah's Floody Floody.
Who knew?

Did you know that the displays, models, and collection of fossils, or rocks of rememberance as they are lovingly referred to by IDers, have mercifully proved once and for all, that Charles Darwin was completely off of his rocker and that all of our science books are filled with stupid lies!

Damnit anyway, if all of these cutting edge institutions start shutting down...how are they supposed to wean the great unwashed masses from suckling at the teat of Evolution?

Stockwell Day, the Canadian Minister of Public Safety, will surely be disapointed by this turn of events. This Yabadaba Dude has gone on record affirming his belief that this Flintstonian type scenario, people and dinosaurs living together, is the gospel truth.

Lord knows what will happen to the
Intelligent Duhsign movement now?

21 comments:

  1. ah hahahaha!

    ....

    hahahaha!

    brilliant

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  2. You mean men DIDN'T walk with the dinosaurs? You mean to tell me that movie "1 Million Years, BC" was a total crock? Geeze........

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  3. stu,
    It is funny 'cause its true...well some of it is true..I don't think that we have any of those parks in the Great White North?
    It would be a real hoot if we did! I'd go!

    THE michael,
    No, no, no. Those magnificent volcanoes in Racquel Welch's cave-kini were very real...and the main reason that anyone went to see that movie.
    I was just a kid when it came out and my uncle took me to see it.
    He couldn't wait to get rid of me because I tried to explain WHY showing Dinosaurs and People interacting was impossible..
    ditto King Kong.

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  4. when i see dinosaurs, i think cockroaches. they were there then and they will be around after the world gets destroyed.

    ReplyDelete
  5. misti,
    Do you keep the lights on 24/7?
    At the end of days, alongside of the cockroaches and rats, will stand the indefatigable Keith Richards..pssst I think that he is immortal!.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ah yes. Isn't it great that we have people like this to educate the young ones?

    Jesus. Why are parents taking their children to these places?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Evolution shmevolution. Tomorrow is the day I rest. Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Kick ass post!
    This is why the dinosaurs became extinct, HE!

    ReplyDelete
  9. God how i love it when the fundies get caught with their collective dicks in a ringer. This made my day.

    ReplyDelete
  10. anonymousaurusblogger,
    You answered your own question with your second comment.

    andrea,
    Verily I say unto you. You are a Creator fo sho..
    and as St. McDonald said, "You deserveth a break today."

    cream!!
    HAHAHAHA!
    Everyone needs to check this out. So much for that silly asteroid theory.

    chaucer's beeotch,
    Yes between Mr. Haggard's Massage & Meth misadventure and Mr. Hovinds Taxonomy Evasion it was quite a week for the far-out fundies and this will hopefully translate into votes for a Democratic House and Senate.
    If the Dems can't win in this climate they deserve extinction.

    It seems obvious to even the most casual observer that all of these staunch advocates of the far right mantra: my-way-or-the-highway, are just good old fashioned hypocrites.
    Do as I say and not as I do!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Intelligent Duh-sign is right -- and this is another Duh-straction for Duh Far Right. Right?

    Maybe a followup post on another blow for Bush's Clan, the Duh-abolical Ted Haggard, is in order?

    Note the latest is how Duh-bya is trying to distance himself from this guy...

    ReplyDelete
  12. without prejudice,
    Oh-Yeah! How many Scandals does it take to get the public to acknowledge that the harder someone fights against something the more likely it is that they are hiding something.

    People start listening to your Pray-dar!

    Whenever there are MILLIONS OF DOLLARS involved you should always consider that the original role model wasn't exactly living like Donald 'TACKY' Trump!

    Ted will need a very long massage to recover from injuries sustained from this Slip and Fall. Talk about pain and suffering in the workplace..
    you would think that he is finished...
    HA..
    just watch.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Good post HE!
    But, at least he winked at his wife, and gave her a reassuring smile as he was being led away to jail!

    How very comforting for her! haha!

    Have a nice day!

    Margie

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  14. If churches were taxed the same way as you or i, the wheels would fall off the wagon... ONe of the main sticking points against organised religion is they claim to care about the poor. The church is so asset rich, in terms of land, the vatican city turns over millions in tourism dollars. The articifics the church controls are priceless.

    Imagine how much good you could do with that kinda dosh.. at least pay out the churches tax bill.

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  15. Again, look at the dark side - Haggard and Foley would make wonderrrrrrfullll cellmates.

    But one ting nags me - has anyone noticed how Ted Haggard has more than a passing resemblance to Marjoe Gortner?

    okirke -what green-skinned alien women within a five-year radius of earth moan in pleasure

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm not a bible beater, but I did download alot of Dr.Dino's debates. I'll probably catch some flack for this, but he did have some valid points. He also had some theories that were way out there. If someone wants to believe in their own religion of choice that's ok with me. Religion helps millions of people to live better lives. So long as they don't try to beat me over the head with it. What makes me sick is when people like Ted Haggard prey on the weak willed or weak minded. It only reinforces my point. We are living in some very sad and dismal times. Like the song from Poison says, give me something to believe in.

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  17. hi margie,
    Yes it makes you feel warm and fuzzy all over. I myself would have never been accepted on that jury because of my silly notion that Science and Religion are not compatible.
    Hopefully America will tackle this issue again, it is 2006, time to abandon the Dark Ages!

    aidan,
    No duh! Just think of all the loot tied up in the Vatican Bank Accounts...WHY? One of the reasons that the DaVinci Code was so popular is that ancient distrust of the Church. As you know the Church ruled Europe during what is known as the Dark Ages. This segment of history proved that absolute power absolutely corrupts everything. Absolve this!

    fronty,
    I saw a documentary on Marjoe..what a revelation. Haggard, oh what fun you could have with that name, does look like him...and Howdy Hoody.
    Timing is everything in life and this troika may have been enough to put the Republicans six feet under on Tuesday...so they should be thanked...
    it's time to start finding your next President..
    that search starts Wednesday morning.

    nekked,
    I believe that we have the freedom to believe anything. However Science is the exact opposite of religion/faith.

    As Dawkins points out some faith victim's or memoids, are willing to accept something without any evidence to the extreme point where the destruction of others at the expense of self is perfectly acceptable.
    Faith is the substance of things hoped for and not seen...
    Science tests ideas.

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  18. Well I thought Bush was a cockroach!

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  19. gautami you came back!,
    Well aren't we feeling feisty for a Monday morning?
    I still stand by my all encompassing mantra that people (however they are labelled) are either charming or tedious...no exceptions.
    This guy pretends to be hooked up to the ultimate Creator and forgets to render unto Caesar???
    does anyone else see something wrong with that?
    So much for tithing 100% to yourself..DOH!.

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  20. HE: I bow to your brilliance. Perhaps Hovind can get a few million years off for good behavior - like learning how to dress himself and resisting the urge to fling poo at the prison guards.

    Gautami: Kafka might agree with you, were he alive to do so.

    ReplyDelete
  21. breaker breaker good buddy,
    Right you are..it certainly is enough time to learn how to do a lot of neat tricks...I'm thinking Unicycles and juggling bowling pins..dee dee deeleleedee dee dee ..

    To One and ALL,
    I appreciate your input. I know that these kinds of posts scare off a lot of people. The purpose of these posts is simply to invoke the IBM motto: THINK.

    I have a lot of regular visitors who are sincere believers and excellent human beings. I sincerely hope that they take my ramblings as a light hearted poke at guys who get caught doing something other than trying to live up to the code that they pretend to do.

    I spent over a decade trying to resolve the conflict of Genesis and Darwin and found that 99% of people just don't care...don't think about it..don't think that it matters..doesn't change their view. To me it matters.

    There is a huge difference between quietly living your life as a decent kind person who cares for others and someone who draws attention to themselves in order to portray themselves as being semi divine.

    I love knowing and sharing my life witht the first group but I cannot suffer one more hour of listening to blowhards trying to act like they are god's gift to mankind.

    We are presently living in a stalemate period where these religions from the past still have a foothold on the mindset of our societies...conflicts with science are only a couple hundred years old and the full force of this paradigm shift is yet to be experienced. Hopefully when it does happen the entire world will be teetering on the edge and we humans will realise that we either stick together or perish together....and that is enough of this rambling....

    ReplyDelete

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