Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Lil' KIM AIN'T GOT NO SEOUL!

Lil' Kim, the Posterboy for
Wake N Wear Hair Products,
and this years favorite nominee for the
Crazyass Hall of Fame,
(Jung-Il) is ready to take on the world.

Not quite content to be worshipped by the 20 million terrorized people in the zombie nation known in the White House as Bad Korea (Juche) KIM JUNK ILL has raised the bar to DefCon 1 (DefCon) by testing a Nuke.

Although KIM JUNK ILL appears to be human this X-Ray, which was secretly smuggled out of Bad Korea (hidden in a package of DogChou Burgers*) reveals that he may be hiding another secret.

Once simply dismissed as an egomaniacal idiot who may be suffering from what could be considered the worst case of shortguy complex in History..well next to Napolean Bonaparte anyway..
it is now evident that not only is he short and crazy..
now we can see that he may not even be human!

Unfortunately Dubya will respond to this latest threat by
hollerin' "Hot Damn Shorty I'll be your Huckleberry!" and proceed to disintegrate Bad Korea with all them thar 'NOOKLEEAR' Weapons which is 'jus collectin' dust in them thar silos and Nookleear Submarines.

This will give the evil Cartographers Lobbyists what they so desperately want..and that is the chance to make brand new maps of the world.

Oddly enough there is an environmental upside to this...
the new giant crater, The Sea of Bad Korea, will fill in and hopefully suck in billions of fish from parts unknown.
In theory, this giant flushing effect will replenish the now completely empty fishing grounds surrounding Japan and China.
This will hopefully STOP China and Japan from eviscerating the oceans around Australia...
just Dubya's way of sayin' thanks fellers to the Aussies for their hap in the fight agin' terrormariszm.

This will all happen before the Christmas Shopping Season so that Dubya can concentrate on the plan to create
The Sea Of Iran in the New Year.
Yessiree all the pieces are falling into place to make next year the best year ever.
YEE HA!


(*as if eating Dogs isn't a good enough reason to nuke them)

38 comments:

  1. Hello, just stumbled onto your blog "homo Escapeons" and read your assessment of nutbar North Korean President Kim young.
    Your view of him as suffering from short person syndrome is very accurate.
    As a Canadian I would like to add that our Prime minister Stephen Harper definitely suffers from "Frank Burns" syndrome.
    now what is Frank Burns Syndrome you may ask.? Well like the chracter from the comedy show "mash," its basically a stubborn mixture of paranoia simple male machismo and a refusal to look at the facts and learn the lessons of history.
    And here are the facts: at least 40 of our Canadian soldiers have died over in Afghanistan fighting a war that Harper believes we should win to prove we are a powerful nation.
    The history lesson is this: Russia (or the Soviet Union as it was called then) tried to take over Afghanistan 20 years ago and lost. would you call Russia now a powerful nation?
    that's Frank Burns syndrome for you. Hell, the guy even looks like old feret face himself, right!

    if you want to comment on this blog you can go to blogger.com and check out my blog entitled globalhouse

    ReplyDelete
  2. I didn't realize that Canadians could speak, and understand, Texan!

    ReplyDelete
  3. The world is "on" to Kim Jong Il. Our own Stephanie Miller has a Voice Deity Jim Ward who does the BEST imitation of Kim Jong Il - as if he was a Korean Gansta.

    "K to the J to the I in the hizzy!" It's damn high-larious and it is worth getting the podcasts at stephanie miller dot com. :) they've done it for months, and they came to my town live to do a show and that was great too.

    gotta love a guy who can't understand the use of creme rinse.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Perhaps that's' how we can placate ole Kim. Send him a case of hair conditioner with instructions on how to lather, rinse and repeat.

    I'm sure this whole pesky nuclear thing will clear up as soon as he has a good hair day.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good Idea Pam!! :)

    HE - I love the new stuff on the blog...the buttons are F.U.N.~!

    I could tell you what the FU stands for but I'd have to kill you.

    /grin

    ReplyDelete
  6. I kind of like Kim's balls. He knows he's going to get his ass kicked now. But he did it anyway.

    And if no one actually does anything, he can strut around all "all those pussies are scared of me".

    I just can't wait to see how all this plays out.

    ReplyDelete
  7. reyspoutine11:45 PM

    shouldn't everyone be allowed to have a nuclear weapon just to keep Bush from deciding on a whim that it's their turn to be served up a DU cocktail?

    and i believe he pronounces it 'NOOK-yu-lerr'.

    by the way, we just got one of those ultra low flush toilets. is it ever cool! one button for a 3 litre flush and another for a 6 litre flush for when the pretzel's actually make their way through the system. it's simply brilliant. perhaps we could provide both kim and bush with a bathroom makeover. they will spend so much time gawking at the the simple elegance of a three litre flush, that they will forget why they don't like eachother in the....okay, that's asking a bit much; maybe they will become penpals what with all the stuff they have in common, like toilets, for instance.
    'i still can't drop a bomb that the six litre flush can't handle!'
    'No shit!'
    'Nope, not anymore!'
    Guffaws all around.

    why are we having a blizzard in October?

    ReplyDelete
  8. They still haven't even confirmed that he launched the test...some say it was an earthquake NOT caused by any nuclear missile test.

    This was super funny. Didn't really get the x-ray part but I love his hair.

    And I think young anonymous is right, Kim Il sure has balls on that tiny frame.

    I'm also with Scott on Harper's Frank Burns Syndrome. But you could say the same about Bush.

    No, maybe Dubya is Klinger...the weak-kneed goofy guy who does everything his VP tells him.

    Or maybe he's the guy whose name I can't remember now who dressed up in drag all the time trying to get out of the army.

    No, he already did that once, didn't he?

    20 million terrorized people in a zombie nation is right. And I'm with Reyspoutine, I think Bush mispronounces it nuke-Yul-oor.

    I'm glad all this is going to happen before Christmas. It's getting kind of boring.

    But it's a brilliantly timed diversion for Bush from Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan, doncha think?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi HE
    I am wondering about our friend Keshi... she has not posted tonight...not like her.
    I hope so much she is ok!
    I'm a little worried!

    Margie

    ReplyDelete
  10. What is the world coming to? Oy... Hard to not feel fatalistic about things when there are such crazies as him and Ahmadinejad all nuclear happy... and Ahmadinejad is one crazy fucker... Iranians who are evil are EVIL... take it from one who knows! He must not be taken lightly at all...

    Maybe we could incorporate them both in your reality show and feed them to the lions?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Kim is just plain delusional. Oh, but wait, most politicians are. Some more than others, its all relative!

    ReplyDelete
  12. So THAT's how you do it! Damn, why didn't I, THE Michael, America's most lovable vertically challenged blogger extrordinaire, realize how easy it was to get nations all over the world to pay attention to one? I'm going to purchase a shitload of M-80's this next fireworks season, sink a real deep hole in my back yard, set them off, and notify the U.N. that I am now a power to be reconned with, and to send lots of money or I am going to get very, very angry. Sanctions sure as hell won't work against ME because I don't have anything coming into MY kingdom to be sanctioned.

    (Imagine long, drawn out evil laughter here)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Actually I feel the whole lotof world leaders are not human.....more like they are inhuman. I wouldn't like to insult other species by calling names....

    *very sickened*
    gautami

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi Scott,
    You sound like me? Great analogy.
    We Canucks are in danger of losing our Peacekeeper status and will pay dearly for it.

    I don't know how we can defeat the Taliban when they have free run of the place just over the border in Pakistan???

    Everybody say hello to scott.svp.

    angela,
    Of course we can speak Texan..Canadians are the purveyors of the purest form of the English language and we are quick to notice any bastardization..your Prez is the global ambassador for the dumbin' down of the free world..hard not to notice!

    tidalgrrrrrrrrrrl,
    Lil Kim should get his hair 'did'..he is a real firecracker. I feel so sorry for those poor people...what a little twerp.

    pamela,
    Wiser words were never spoken. His poor self image is being projected in his craving for negative attention. You know what they say about guys with BIG bombs...they have small...

    tidalggggrrrrrllll,
    I am so all about the buttons!

    synonymousblogger,
    In the end he will go out in a blaze of glory or die from dining on some poisoned Cocker Spaniel.
    Either way it won't be pretty...my guess is that he will expire within the year..mysteriously..

    reyson d'etre,
    Always with the correcting..OK.
    NOOK-yu-ler! We are having a blizzard because NORAD put up some cloud cover when the Bad Koreans lit up their NOOK-yu-ler bomb.
    Congratulations on your ecothrone!

    witheredout,
    The X RAY is the skeleton of an orangutan..and it was funny at the time..in my brain anyway.

    You are just as bad..OK..nook-YUL-er!
    You are right it is a diversion from the MIDDLE EAST and nothing more..Kim couldn't nuke his ass with the technology that they have. All of his pilfered money is spent trying to censor the Internet and keep his subjects in the dark..bastard!

    samuruvoodoo,
    Not to worry margie, nothing can keep the keshisaurus from posting!
    Nothing I tells ya!

    miz bo,
    Hola! I know that it makes your Iranian blood boil to see that country become such a bully and sh*t disturber...there is another man with short guy syndrome! Hey why didn't I mention that in the post. Are you stateside yet..I better come and check up on you.

    margie,
    I told you.

    THE michael,
    Don't let 'em get your goats! Make sure to draw the blinds before you detonate.
    I think that you should relocate to the Northeast with all of the survivalists..they have all kinds of stuff in their backyards..just waiting to go off.

    ReplyDelete
  15. gautami!,
    There you are...you may be on to something about the world leaders. They are certainly different from the rest of us who aren't MEGALOMANIACAL KNOWITALLS!
    Wouldn't it be swell if one of those leaders actually (accidentally) told the truth about everything...I am not sure that we (in my best Jack Nicholson voice)"could handle the truth"

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous10:49 AM

    Hi there,
    I just found your blog via someone's link list. You have a new fan in South Africa ;> This was on the NK president was fantastic.

    I want to go to South Korea next year to teach English, so I'm hoping all this settle down soon - it's really beginning to annoy me :(

    I will visit your site again soon :)
    Bye for now
    Sheetal (South Africa)

    ReplyDelete
  17. That "Frank Burns Syndrome" also applies to Bush.

    Pammy, maybe you could send Kim a couple of kitty cats as a goodwill gesture? "Here Mr. Kim, pleaze don't nuke us."

    Hello, Scott!

    ReplyDelete
  18. reyspoutine2:42 PM

    ww, klinger was the guy who dressed in drag, and radar was the guy who did everything asked of him. Bush is nothing like either of them, as they were both exceptional human beings (at least in character; i don't know anything about them otherwise).

    why are people getting excited when a couple more guys want to go NOOKyoulerr? there are already a half dozen atomic lunatics out there, and only one who's used them as a WMD times infinity. India and Pakistan had the good ol'western staredown, and Bush, forever leading by example, told them to cool it without resorting to violence. Israel has the largest NOOKyoulerr arse-enal outside of russia, france and perhaps the uk. oops, and the US!
    not too many white folks seem to worked up about that, despite their military's penchant for violence. one million cluster bombs for peace.
    so iran is an NPT signatory and israel is not, yet iran gets the shaft.
    it's no wonder i am not a politician...for the life of me, i cannot figure out how this diplomacy thing is supposed to work.
    the ecothrone....someone must use that.

    hey, the word verification thing almost said 'fubar'
    (ufbar)

    ReplyDelete
  19. grumbuler7:36 PM

    Yeah, they're two of the trick questions, posed to judicial nominees and cabinet secretaries:

    1) How do you spell the bad thing?

    A) Newqculer.

    2) How is it pronounced?

    A) New-QUEUE-ler, or go ask Secretary Incatatus.

    Tough, tough, tough... but if you get either wrong, you're bounced.

    ReplyDelete
  20. grumblicant11:32 PM

    I thought that you guys up there
    had the mouse...err...moose...ah,
    mousse market cornered- better move
    over, pardner, thar's newk sheriff
    in town!

    ReplyDelete
  21. This cracked me UP! I was laughing so hard!

    I am behind on my current events, so I am leaning on you for some help...so please excuse me if I seem a little ignorant...

    I have always asked the question in the back of my mind...Why Sadaam-- under suspicion, and not N. Korea when it was told flat out from them what they were/are doing? I don't get the logic...is it really the oil?

    ReplyDelete
  22. omg I left a comment here last nite and its not here :(

    anyways!

    **samuruvoodoo,
    **keshisaurus

    LOL nice names for us HE, ty!

    Margie listen up sweety...HE is right...nothign can stop me unless Im dead or there's a complete power shortage Aus-wide :):) HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ n ty sweety!


    Now on the post:

    **hidden in a package of DogChou Burgers

    ROFL! how abt McDOGalds then? :):)


    I really dun u'stand how supposedly learned leaders of this world could even imagine that Nuclear weapons is a sane way to get across a msg!


    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hey, thanks for the comments! I'm not used to that, it actually scared me for a second...=P Your blog is so overwhelming, I've yet to read it, but it looks very interesting and I thought I'd leave you a comment in return.

    P.S. Your word verification deal did a number on my dyslexia.=)

    ReplyDelete
  24. sheetal,
    Welcome..South Korea?! wow that may be a little too exciting if this isn't resolved. This whole situation when you factor in China on one side and Japan on the other..there is still a lot of bad blood in that part of the world...a lot of history to consider....I would take a very hard look at that option. My turn to visit you..please come again.

    carmie,
    Very astute! As you know Lil Kim is a big fan of pussy..he is actually quite famous for importing foreign models to satisfy..oh you mean't the new little kittens that Pam's cat just had...that would be sweet but he would probably eat them.

    reysonable man,
    France, China, Russia, USA, UK, Pakistan, India, Israel and Bad Korea are in this very scary club.
    People get nervous when the men who hold the launch codes thinks that the 'next' world is more inviting than this one.
    Actually making a smaller dirty bomb to carry around in a backback and detonate in the heart of a major urban centre is scarier than the tic tac toe unwinnable exchange between two combatants...one cancels the other..hopefully...the whole thing is fubar!

    grumblissimo,
    The newk sheriff is a total nutjob but he would make an awesome poker player..I don't know if I would have gone ALL IN but hey thats why they call it gambling.
    Yes we have both mouse and moose and the dessert mouse.
    Isn't it weird that desert and dessert should be reversed..that is so annoying..double consonant my ass!

    awaiting,
    Saddam got it because he embarrased Dubya's Daddy. George the First should have gone in an finished the job but once Kuwait was rescued he left...and Saddam went neener neener..and so George the Second is gettin' sum payback YEE HAW!

    keshtar,
    See I told margie not to worry...Oh yeah world leaders hmmm...Dubya has degrees from Yale BA '68(History) and a Harvard MBA '75 so he is obviously very intelligent and I think that his feelings would be hurt if he knew that we were suggesting that his worldview was completely fercockt!

    World leaders don't seem to really care what we think..which is weird when you think about it..that is why we should talk about ghosts instead..
    did you find out anything about your ghost from the newspapers?

    Hi roma,
    Don't worry I'm not some crazy stalker guy..well I am not a stalker anyway. As you can see there are a few witnesses around..what are you doing up so late????

    Thank You for visiting.
    sorry about the word verification but it seems to keep those frickin autodialers away..I absolutely abhor those wretched contraptions!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Never mind all this threat to mankind shit. You telling me they eat cute little doggy woggies?

    BASTARDS MUST DIE!!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yeeha! Yep, agree on the dog eating thing. They are a bunch of cookoos!

    Year 2007, we will finaly realize we are stupid enuff to exist and destroy ourselves, and the animals shall take over.
    Lil Kim...is a big f*ck woose...u kno, he demands to eat gourmet food importted from around the world, but his people are starving!

    Can I borrow your get rid of dubya poster? Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Strange - I thought Kim Il had more of a late-in-life Loretta Swit sort of theme going on there: "You're angry when you're beautiful."

    Sounds like the guy may have proven the theory about pornography and violence too.

    And what more can you say about a guy who inspired the Chinese citizenry along the Yalu border to leave their dead out a few days to decompose before burial so that starving North Koreans would be less inclined to exhume them as a last-ditch food source?

    ReplyDelete
  28. g'day tickersoid,
    Yep. Arguably the WORST and most offensive assault on the Western mindset. Bombs away!

    ghosty particulars,
    Lil Kim is a real sonofabitch..he is like some villain out of central casting..a caricature of the egomaniacal dictator..those poor people. Everyone living in Bad Korea is obviously too terrified to end the madness. It is the perfect example of how Nature abhors a vacuum...those people know absolutely NOTHING about the rest of the world..it is like a gigantic brainwashing for 23 million people!
    Of course the internet being banned is a huge part of Kim's plan to keep them in the dark.

    This should be a reminder to all of us about how important it is to STOP politicians from doing whatever they want...
    "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard."
    H. L. Mencken


    Fronty!
    Hotlips eh?
    Let's face it this guy would have been Freud's 'Dream'patient..is there anything about his character that can even be remotely considered salvageable? He doesn't have one reseeming quality...although you could say that he 'likes' dogs.
    He represents everything that is reprehensible about our species..he is an object for your SCORN and not your pity.

    Your comment certainly puts a new spin on having Chinese Take Out...sum yung guy anyone?

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hello Scott! Love the analogy of Harper being Frank Burns, but I'm also sorry you got stuck with him.

    Bushies abuse of the English language is so bad I can't even remember how to pronouce nucular

    Lil Kimmie... look folks, the guys had a rough life, ya'know? Pickin' on him 'cuz he's short is just mean. And, he's just one crazy fucker in a world overpopulated with crazy fuckers (thanks Miz B!) - he's gotta do somethin to stand out, ya'know? Poor Lil Kimmie. Starving your people, torturing them, keeping people in poverty... it's all really hard work and ya'll have no respect for that. You spend one day trying to fill his tiny shoes as bat-shit crazy, tin-hat wearing dictator and then criticize.

    ReplyDelete
  30. When Kimba starts wearing fur chaps, a white hat and star-shaped pasties in a video (don't aks how I know that - it was late, I was bored . . .), THAT's when the Chinese 'volunteers' need to swarm down and end this 53-year old cease fire once and for all!

    ReplyDelete
  31. laura liz,
    OMG you are so right..I sit corrected..how could I have been so inf*cking sensitive!
    Lil Kim is an object for my pity and not my scorn..whatta guy!
    Thank You for keepin' it real!

    frontius editorius maximus,
    I can't find that video on YouTube!
    I realise that you media guys have all sorts of secret information gathering devices at your disposal so I will just have to take your word for it.
    What happens if le Chinois beat the Americans to the capital city of Ping Pong? I shudder to think...

    ReplyDelete
  32. If China wants to deal with a starving, dragged-down upper peninsula in the North Pacific, let 'em. After all, who ran interference for them th epast half century?

    ReplyDelete
  33. Oh, and regarding the L'il Kim half-naked bit, there was a video a few years back that included the U.S. Lil' Kim, Fred Durst, Tommy Lee and various others with a title like 'Dance Naked' or something like that.

    shows you what useless knowledge I carry around these days.

    ReplyDelete
  34. fronty,
    Don't you go dissin'

    GET

    GET

    NAKED!

    I have never ever understood how Fred to the D to the U whatever.. Durst fooled so many people for so long..the only interesting guy in that band was the crazy bugger with the monkey makeup and solid black contacts...it was like the rest of the band said
    "n'uhuh I ain't dressin' up like some pussy ass freak show dawg" and that other guy said
    "gee whillikers guys,,aw c'mon.. it will be totally cool..we'll look like KISS or Alice Cooper man!"

    Where was I?
    Oh yeah, you are right if China wants BAD Korea HAVE AT 'ER BOYS..23 million starving zombies is a drop in the bucket for China..23 million.phfffft!

    ReplyDelete
  35. 35 comments.
    I can't believe you would let Alice invite me to your house.
    LOVE the hair product reference, the x-ray- Yeah, baby!
    great post. Lol. (Never used lol before, gee, I feel 12 again...)

    ReplyDelete
  36. re joyce,
    I can't believe it either..what does that mean?

    Let's face facts...it is hard to really scare the world when you are 3'9" tall unless you have a Nuclear Weapon.

    Hmmm, I still don't know what happened to that Stylist/Image Consultant that I sent over there to work on Lil Kim...they should have called by now..
    gee I hope that they didn't bring their poodles!

    ReplyDelete
  37. hehe ur spot on abt world leaders.

    well I found out that there have been 5 fatalities in that junction in the year 2005. But I still havent got the stats n details for year 2006. Im still investifating. I'll let u all know for sure.

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete

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