In the aftermath of the random senseless slaughter of innocent students in Montreal it seemed like a good idea to post a reassuring feelgood post about cute cuddly critters..
aaah they are soooo cute!!!!
..THE HELL WITH THAT!
As far as I am concerned the depraved homicidal/ suicidal f*cking asshole (your infamy secured I strike your name ), received a far too lenient sentence for his crimes..a self inflicted painless instant death.
His family and more importantly his Victims and their families will suffer from his actions far more than he did. It is unfair and unjust. However many Canadians are morally opposed to the Death Penalty. Some people think that it is cruel and unusual punishment to die at the hand of another human...however remarkably similar to the cruel and unusual horror that the victims experienced. So be it.
Therefore for future reference involving 'captured' homicidal maniacs I have devised a 100% Natural Recycling Program. Yes I am in favor of Recycling not Rehabilitating Psychotic Sociopaths...albeit my plan is a tad Romanesque (thumbs down) and perhaps a little melodramatic...speaking of d-r-a-m-a...
hey Death Boy Goth Fake f*cking Vampire Bullsh*t Oh The World Hates Me Boo Hoo Hoo Little F*cking Piece Of Sh*t Motherf*cker You want some DRAMA, you needed some NEGATIVE ATTENTION..
My word..sorry about that... where was I.... oh yes..
THE KARMIC CAFETERIA
Why not let Nature take it's course..with a little nudge here and there. Instead of a firing squad, lethal injection or hanging we could outsource the executioning of sadistic murderers back to the Animal Kingdom.
100% All Natural...
Food Chain Friendly...
No Animals Are Being Harmed...
Nature Taking Its Course ..
The Karmic Cafeteria.
We all recognise that when other 'Animals' kill they do not commit murder, they just hunt, ...and they have been hunting and consuming Humans since day one. So really it is a Recycling Program that solves two problems. Who wouldn't feel good about preserving an Endangered Species.
GREAT WHITE SHARK
One solution is to let the convicted 'prey item' go swimming ( water skiing would make for better reality TV, we could call it PREY FOR ME) in the in the area known as the strike zone. A strip of water that separates the Seal Colony from the open Ocean.
Patiently awaiting the Seals while patrolling the bottom and glancing above for shadows and motion is the Great White Shark. With a sudden burst of speed the Shark torpedos the prey item from below with a force great enough to carry more than one ton of the world's largest carnivorous fish into the air.
A bone crunching aortic tearing bite is delivered and the prey item is left to bleed out, go into shock and drown. This way the shark avoids being injured. Once the shark is satisfied that dinner is dead (or close enough) it casually moves in to consume it's meal in 30 pound chunks.
Next on my list is a much slower gruesome exit courtesy of the world's largest Lizard. The Komodo Dragon has a mouth oozing and constantly dripping with toxic saliva. To secure a meal it simply has to nip it's victim and wait for the bacteria to finish them off.
Survivors are you ready for todays challenge?
The painful slow septic demise of the Deer ,Wild Boar, or convicted Prey Item, is usually prematurely interrupted as a voracious pack of slobbering Komodos rush in to consume the dead (or close enough) prey item and tear it apart in huge reptilian gulps.
This process of eating rotting flesh enables the Komodo's saliva to become even more concentrated and toxic.... Nasty.
No doubt some of you may be hesitant to endorse this breathtakingly simple program so I will give you a bit of time to chew it over.