Sunday, August 13, 2006

class dismissed

Societies crumble when they reach for ideals instead of needs...

Do you remember waking up in your sociology class while the Instructer (who was always a huge lefty) was explaining the proportional demographics of our society. Well unfortunately he was absolutely right!

3% of the population is considered Upper Class...

Upper/Upper Class 1.5%
Old Money Twits ie. the Lucky Sperm Club
Main Objective in Life:
Guarding their Trust Fund
Typical response to hello:
"Good Lord Stanley who is this person?" or,

"Pardon me, would you by any chance happen to have any Grey Poupon?"


Lower/Upper Class 1.5%
Well Established Professionals & Big Business Owners ie. Big Shots
Main Objective in Life:
Pretend to belong to the Upper Upper Class

Typical response to hello:
"I beg your pardon, you are in my way, kindly step aside
"


43% is considered Middle Class...

Upper/Middle Class 10%
Mid Sized Business/Management and Lottery Winners ie. Les Nouveau Riche
Main Objective in Life:
To be as tacky and annoying as possible
Typical Response to Hello:
uncomfortable pause followed by a blank stare...


Lower/Middle Class 33%
Conservative white collar & small business ie: Striving Suburban Taxation Mules
Main objective in Life:
Compete with everybody else, be taxed to death and yet pretend to enjoy life
Typical response to hello:
"What part of town do you live in?" or

"I hear that you haven't been made a Partner yet hee hee?!" or
"Wow! You look great, had some work done eh? Are those your real calves???"


54% is considered Lower Class

Upper Lower Class 38%
Blue collar *same income as middle class but enjoy life & live day to day ie. salt of the earth
Purpose in life:
keep the whole thing going
Typical response to hello:
Hey Donnie! Howzit goin?

*PLEASE NOTE THAT THE LOWER MIDDLE AND UPPER LOWER EQUAL 71% OF THE POPULATION

Lower Lower Class 16%
Fatalistic un(der)employed artists, armchair philosophers, extremist politicos, squeegee kids, ex-marketing wizards & pirates ie: the dregs
Purpose in life:
Piss off anybody else that's getting ahead of them or appears to be happy

Typical response to hello:
"Got any change?" or

"HEY MAN I'M WALKING HERE!" or
"F*ck you I saw that cigarette butt first!" or
"I'm a nihilist, I believe in nuzzing... NUZZING!!!

Sound familiar?

22 comments:

  1. So if I'm married to lower middle class and I'm lower lower class does that make us lower middle lower lower class or merely lower class?

    ReplyDelete
  2. If you're going to use "Les" (plural), then you have to make "nouveau" and "riche" plural as well... "Les Nouveaux Riches". :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bucking frilliant. Did you just make up these statistics to prove your point (what is your point)?

    And where do you fit in on this scale?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I almost became part of the 10% upper/middle class last night. I was only five numbers shy of winning the $42,000,000.00 lotto 6/49 jackpot.
    By the way Donn, can you spare any change?

    ReplyDelete
  5. andrea,
    I thought that artists are supposed to suffer for their art aren't WE?!
    The last time that I tried this post in March I had one bitter comment (which blogger seems to have erased) from a brilliant yet resentful man named reysputine who is in fact an incredible artist.
    I apologised to him because he is married to my wife's cousin but I still think that I am right.

    Look at the empirical evidence.. only artists who have
    A.completely sold out to 'the man' or
    B.have taken advantage of the shrewdest of career moves and DIED are rich and famous.
    I don't know if that makes any sense.

    anna,
    Oh Boy! Please excuse my faites de grammaire. Merci.From time to time I try to be mindful of all of the other languages that English has devoured and sprinkle their ashes about. You are more than welcome to correct my French whenever you like.

    within,
    I did not create this list. I have no point other than to prove that the marketing wizards are doing a good job of trying to make us all look, smell, drive, and think that we are in the top 3%....WHY?

    I am of course in the armchair philosopher category safely ensconced in the bottom 3%. WooHoo!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I KNOW you didn't make up the stats, nerd boy, but was just calling you on it anyway.

    It's your interpretation of the stats that's the funny (and all too real) take.

    It's amazing how they can convince all of us bottom feeders that we have enough money to actually buy all the crap they produce.

    All of which makes us poorer and them richer, thus spreading the gap between us even more.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I knew I'd seen this before but couldn't remember where. Thanks for clearing that up ( and for the Cure accompaniment too - we certainly share similar musical tastes). Still not got any further up the ladder though.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yeah. I remember this one. And the other half of this lesson too. Why don't you post that one?

    You know the one. The one about the itty bitty group at the f@#%in top of the class list with the biggest fattest most over-stuffed wallets standin' on top of the masses of piss poor folks tryin' to walk...

    ReplyDelete
  9. That video is smooth. A nice touch. I enjoyed the sociology lesson too. I like your website, sir. Regards x

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Trickle-down" economics refers (A) to the minimal growth impact from giving the upper economic segment extraordinary tax relief and expecting them to actually spend the benefit in ways that will provide a corresponding ripple effect, and (B) the feeling that one is standing under the enlarged-prostate and kidney-stone choked, collective stream of urine from siad upper economic segment.

    "There's more than one reasons it's called a Laffer curve."

    ReplyDelete
  11. According to these statistics, the majority of us are lower class. Makes me feel less alone. As an unemployed single parent, I have one thing to say...

    Got any spare change?

    ReplyDelete
  12. LOL this was HILARIOUS! hahahaha Im laughing like a crazy maniac here :):) tnxxx for the laughs HE!


    **Good Lord Stanley

    thats is soooo familiar lol!


    **To be as tacky and annoying as possible

    haha! ok I betta stop :)


    **Compete with everybody else, be taxed to death and yet pretend to enjoy life

    ROFL!



    **"F*ck you I saw that cigarette butt first!" or

    HAHAHA!


    btw I think I have a bit of each class depending on the situation and the ppl Im dealing with..lol!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  13. brian,
    Ha I got 2 numbers.
    I participate in the voluntary tax on people who are terrible in Math (lotto) only because my Mum won in the 70s and now 14 million to 1 doesn't sound like bad odds..

    within,
    It is amazing how duped we are by the merchandising media machinery.Why do we need to look good instead of feel good???

    Hi cherry,
    I only want to climb the ladder because of Monty Python's upper class twit of the year award. Ever since I saw that I have been convinced that they are all inbred idiots and that I would eat them alive if I ever got there.

    lady wordsmith,
    Yeah! I am always in awe at how the puruit of happiness has been kidnapped by personal wealth? When exactly did this occur in the new world. I know that the Boomers gave up after the 68 assassinations but they got the idea from growing up in the 50s.

    benjamin,
    Sociology is a lot of fun. I love to pigeonhole people and say neener neener. I know that these gross generalisations are frail and sketchy but what fun. I could twist these stats all around and make it sound like the segement at the very top is the happiest healthiest group of people in history. Which they are by the way.

    ReplyDelete
  14. And from what I understand, that income gap is widening all over the world - more and more of the world's wealth being concentrated in ever smaller numbers of hands.

    Gee, I wonder if this could possibly erode democracy...

    ReplyDelete
  15. It has always been my dream to crashland on a deserted island with Paris Hilton, Donald Rumsfield, Martha Stewart, Kenneth Lay (hey, I'd be willing to drag his rotting corpse along for the fun) and Mel Gibson. By the time I was thru with them, they would all know what it was like to exist without the benifit of class distinctions or percieved superiority.

    Pity those tiny little dogs don't have any meat on them.............

    ReplyDelete
  16. frontier editor,
    Yes lol!
    Trickle down..my ass! The beauty of this belief is notion that the wealthy will share once they HAVE ENOUGH! There is one little problem ....what is ENOUGH!
    Why is it that the benchmark for being able to afford sharing the wealth is now established by Billionaires like Bill and Warren. I mean is having BILLIONS finally enough? I guess so.

    scubes,
    my standard sociology textbooks from College in the 70s. The only update on the internet would be that there is more wealth concentrated in the upper class than in the 70s. The rich got richer. There is the illusion that the middle class has advanced but the next 18 months will correct that. The housing boom is over..oil prices will continue to rise..consumer debt is now past pluto (which is losing its planet status)..this Mid East war could escalate into a global conflict overnight (remember one archduke getting shot by a serb?)
    Now scubes I ain't no pinko commie and being Canadian I have no idea what an actual free market economy is but something is terribly wrong....

    miss cellania,
    (luv your handle) Yes that was my intention..we are all in this together..whether you're striving to keep up with, pass or rob the Jones it is helpful to know that everybody else is not doing as great as they are pretending to be.
    The MAN has perfected the conquer and divide message of you need this and you need that!
    No we don't!

    keshi!!!,
    Thanks it was supposed to be fun! Those gross generalizations were fun but I think that everybody knows what I mean. You are spot on..somedays I feel like a billionaire when I see how some people live.
    I need to remind myself that it is OK and HEALTHY to not be competing with everybody. The media tells me all this crap and pushes all of these images and sometimes you start to believe all of the bullsh*t! We all love to feel superior because we are naturally greedy little monkeys..when somebody else gets toofar ahead of us in terms of mates or territory or food then we lash out and try to get the others to help bring him/her back down to our level.
    OOhh OOooh AAaaah ah!

    darius,
    Hmmm you are on to something there. Just think about how patronising our culture was in the 5os and 60s when we dismissed the 'poor people' living in the developing world as providentially doomed to exist in poverty and disease because they were heathens.
    Then the Colonial overlords pack up and run and let nature abhor its vacuum and infill with nasty warlords and crazy marxist dictators.
    The gap is widening and the uber-rich couldn't be happier selling these guys more GUNS..

    ReplyDelete
  17. the michael,
    Neither does Paris? I would need to bring Ginger (of course the Ginger from Gilligan's Island) for those lonely tropical nights..
    My Lord Of The Flys chant would be Let's eat Kenny!
    PS...I would add a priest and a rabbi to complete the Mel Gibson joke.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I can't quite decide where I fit in. What's the definition for a "Striving Suburban Taxation Mule" who believes in "nuzzing...NUZZING"?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi kyk,
    A Lucky Bastard.

    ReplyDelete
  20. so true lol!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  21. now i dont feel lonely anymore...but more stuff and crowded...hey give me back my identity!

    ReplyDelete

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