Friday, May 05, 2006

This post concludes this weeks exploration of our Canadian Identity Crisis. I have established that our Bi-Polarism (Brit/Yank) is still holding us Canucks back from really coming into our own. I have conceeded that the Aussies, with half the population, are miles ahead of us in the Brand department thanks to their geographic isolation. We're stuck with a few things, number one is the proximity to the USofA. During the last Century the American Empire ascended to the throne at the expense of the British Empire. We are a young country but it's been a bit of an extended childhood. So why the arrested development?

Metaphorically, Canada is like an orphaned family of young adults.

"We were like born in England but moved over here after our parents died to live with our rich uncle who is a handsome American businessman . We like totally love living here and I would personally love to stay in University for like ever and ever. My friends and I can like speak to each other en Francais sometimes which is awesome. We are like totally into living in a wealthy, modern, suburban, like lifestyle. HELLO! We could have like moved back to live with our grandmother in England, which would be like so cool, but why give up the pool, cars, and our American uncle like totally gives us like miles of rope to pretty much do as we please, like seriously. The weird part is that we like don't abuse our freedom as much as we could and that's like totally freakin' cool."

"Like a lot of young people these days we're extremely well educated but like not quite sure what we like totally want to do or like who we are. We probably should have moved out a few years ago but we're like sooo laid back, seriously. We are like very mature for our age and very responsible and people aound the world seem to like us and that is like way cool. People in other countries are always like totally surprised that we're so polite and courteous. They expect us to be like totally spoiled f*ckin brats, like seriously because our uncle and our grandmother are like so totally rich. They like totally forget that our British manners like seriously balances out our American spirit. I guess I like sound more American but not's like totally weird but I actually like pronounce things inbetween the like two different styles of English. Whatev!"

"Oh yeah.. people from like other countries think we're like Mounties or like only into Hockey that is so DUH! We Rock! We like have a British Parliament but we like really only have sort of two partys that are just like the American Democrats and Republicans and oh yeah I forgot we have a party from like Quebec that wants to have like it's own freakin' country but like still use our money! That like totally freaks out everybody aaahhh..and we like have the Queen of England on our money but its value is like totally connected to like the American Dollar. But it's like way cooler 'cause we like have all sorts of like cool colours and pictures on our money and like the Americans have like this totally boring money..seriously! We listen to American music and like totally watch American movies and TV but we have like Trailor Park Boys on TV and like really cool Canadian bands of our the Guess Who and Neil Young were totally from seriously dude...and like Bryan Adams, Bare Naked Ladies, Tragically Hip, Frozen Ghost, Michel Pagliaro..actually those were like bands that my dad's generation used to listen to...but we like totally have our own cool music scene in Canada.....OK I actually don't really listen to much music 'cause I'm like totally into Games!"

please cue the narrator;
You see their Grandmother, Britain, is lovely, well mannered and well intentioned but she lives a little too far away. She has their best interests at heart but she's a little old fashioned and has some notions that would cramp their style. She lives in a crowded, older, neighbourhood and the kids are use to wide open spaces of uberburbia now. They love her dearly and visit her during the holidays, but they're not her little grandchildren anymore.

Their Uncle, the US, is handsome, rich, and powerful, a little too conceited and has a bizarre fascination with guns and automobiles. They have a close, convenient relationship but it's not quite the same as having the parents that they grew up with. However he is still a very cool guy and they get a huge allowance and the kids can pretty much do whatever they want. There is one problem though, the uncle has a new girlfriend, Mexico, and it's starting to get serious. The writing is on the wall and hopefully the kids will finish their degrees before she moves in with all of her kids. I'm sure that their new blended family will be OK. Mexico's children are all still young and the older kids will be moving out soon, so it's not really a competition.

They (Canadians, remember) should do well because they've like had every advantage in life and still maitained a modicum of humility about their wealthy background. We'll see....whatev.


  1. Hilarious!

    Canada Rocks My SoX! We have milk in bags and like this really awesome bacon.


  2. Anonymous2:13 p.m.

    I see you've recruited three members of the younger generation, who know much better than us what the world is all about...and they're from your gene pool.

    Regardless of that obvious bias and lack of objectivity, they helped you make your point.

    Who else, what else, could we be living in the shadow of the ugliest and most grotesque of the world's Jabba the Hutt nations?

    To the rest of the world, we're honey while the U.S. is sheep intestines. If you're Canadian and travelling overseas, just make sure you've got a maple leaf on your backpack.

    The Americans, god love 'em, are a great people who unfortunately KNOW they're great. The Brits are full of swagger even though history has partially passed them by.

    Canadians are the best combination/product of both, and the planet knows that.

    Blogger Booger


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