All is right in the world.
I have started watching a new nature series called LIFE which is hosted by my idol, Sir David Attenborough...
who if I am not mistaken, believes that he is invisible to other animals.
Unfortunately, because I live next to the United States, I am forced to view the americanized version.
The original Beeb version was tailor-made for the zany over-the-top animal-lovers in the United Kingdom.
As many of you are aware, the Brits annihilated 99% of their own fauna millenia ago and to this very day, the entire island nation remains safe for enjoying picnics in the woods.
Regrettably, the largest creature to be found in jolly old England is the Badger.
Even as I write this fascinating-informative post, back in jolly old England, hordes of inbred, gin & tonic fueled members of the upper class are wreaking havoc on the remaining 17 Badgers!
These shameless scoundrels are making short work of those nasty-little-buggers ever since Fox Hunting on horseback with golf clubs was banned in 2008.
Trapped on a desolate animal-free landscape is precisely why the Brits now go absolutely gaga whilst catching a glimpse of a f*cking bird?
"I say Penelope, I do believe I've caught a glimpse of a Great Tit "
"Oh Charles, r e a l l y, must you be so crass?"
However, on this side of the pond, Merkins are more "into" killin' and eatin' critters.
So, thanks to extensive market research, the producers made some alterations and have wisely chosen to tweak the show and present the new program as;
LIFE "tastes like chicken"
After seeing the episode on FISH,
I'm not sure if there is going to be a sequel?
Ooh spooky that I've just been writing about Mr A - I wasn't sure if was was famous beyond the UK.
ReplyDeleteAs for our wildlife - do you know about our beast of bodmin. I used to think it was my husband when he said he was off filming - now, that I've seen your skill at disguise I'm wondering if you've been paying visits to our shores Mr C.
Oh dear, they've gone all Bear Grylls, have they? I can't believe the things he eats, let alone the descriptions he gives of it... "This 3 day old rotted camel's foot tastes like your granny's soiled gunties dipped in poisoned tartar sauce and then wrung out badly and left to dry in hot weather. But, it'll keep me alive for a few days, at least until I get the trots and they have to fly me out. Again."
ReplyDeleteTake heart, at least you get to see some version of it. Here at my folk's there is only the one TV hooked up to dish and while they get BBC America, they never watch it as they are too busy watching football (American football, that is) and re-runs of "Two and a Half Men." Could you imagine having BBC America and then watching Charlie Sheen instead?!
It's heartwarming to read about what a dedicated naturalist you are, Donn.
ReplyDeletechicken takes on a whole different meaning in asia.
ReplyDeletehookers.
This post has made me want to go out for Canadian food tonight! Any recommendations?
ReplyDeleteWhat about mice?
ReplyDeleteThe hole in your argument is that Dave has no idea what chicken tastes like - they have been extinct here for 167 years.
ReplyDeleteDon't despair Donn. Fox-hunting is on its way back in the UK, just as soon as England foists a Conservative government on the rest of the country.
ReplyDeleteThey taste like chicken, but I've no idea what a fox tastes like.
What do you suppose a lifelong diet of poutine and Timbits has left you flavored as....cheezer?
ReplyDelete*runs*
You know, we've been told that CANADIANS taste...well...you know....like.....CHICKEN!
ReplyDeleteHa! Great post, Donn! I luv animal shows!
ReplyDeleteThat shark is thinking, Mmmm...that Englishman tastes like chicken--white meat to be exact!
This can't hold a candle to Hinterland Who's Who.
ReplyDeleteIf Dave tasted like chicken it would be an old boiler.
ReplyDeleteHe must be at least 95.
Sir A along with his buddy Sir Hopkins are two of the most feckable and idolized crusty brits in my book - chicken or frontal lobe notwithstanding. i think they should both endeavor heartily to make of me an "english" 'wich... mmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteLULU
ReplyDeleteDavid is HUGE over here, especially in my house.
I checked out your beast of bodmin and it is prolly wishful thinking.
Some old geezer who misses the good old days of the Raj when he served Victoria by shooting Tigers from the safety of an elephant 12 feet off the ground...bloody good sport old chap.
We had a Cougar sighting in our city this month..which haven't been around for decades..but we do have hundreds of Deer within city limits so who knows?
FATA
HA! Who knows why Merkins watch what they do? I know that more Merkins watch Ladies Bowling than Hockey??
I should think the world would come to a complete stop if Sir David started eating his beloved subjects..I wish that he would live forever because I love all of his shows...he has the best job in the world!
ANDREA
Yes I do love critters. Always have. That's why I am such a huge fan of Sir David.
How his crews are able to capture these unbelievable scenes is beyond me..I know that it takes years to assemble a show.
A far cry from the staging of Marlin Perkins old Sunday evening fare..Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom..remember that? The best part was his segues to plug Insurance for his sponsor.
Just like an Anaconda can suddenly pounce and choke the snot out of this Capybara, so can Life suddenlt strangle your finances if you had a huge heart attack while taking out the garbage.
TUTI
Hookers are called chicken in asia? Really. Are the sordid drunken sex trade tourists called chickenhawks?
XL
Canadian cuisine entails maple syrup soaked Bison wrapped in buttered bacon with a lager chaser...mmmm?
MAGO
ReplyDeleteMice taste like chicken and they are especially good when dipped in "squeaky" cheese curds.
Rats, not-so-much.
VICUS
I know from reading about the Royals in glossy Magazines that they prefer Pheasant or Quail because they are easier for the help to run over with a Range Rover.
Philip is terrified of chickens because he was attacked by them when he burned down the Royal Coop whilst sneaking a smoke with Fergie's old man.
MALC
Really? That is a scary thought. There must be hunting parks like the Merkins have in Texas? Have you ever seen the "canned hunts"..they drag over herds of African Game and fence them in for brave Merkin hunters to pay thousands of dollars to shoot them from 100 yards with their 444 Marlins and a scope. WOW!
NATIONS :)
Mon amis dans Quebec are the true Poutinists. Here in the centre of Canada we do eat a lot of doughnuts (spelled correctly for your amusement) but mainly in the Winter to add a layer of protective fat.
Now that the Bison are gone and the Caribou herds have moved farther North we are forced to import Walrus snot which has an R value of 300!
THE michael
Canadians taste sweet because of all the maple syrup..actually Diabetic cannibals are no longer allowed to even eat Canadians.
MR SWINGS
HA! I love them too. I could watch them for days on end.
I'm not sure if Great Whites like bony Brits but they do smell like haddock and chips. Most people get spit out because they are too skinny..Whites like juicy plump seals and only a few Humans fit the bill..Brits are too damn skinny..now Mississipians are the fattest folk in the USA so they would yummy.
MJ
ReplyDeletedoo
doo-doo-doo-doo
The Government prolly has some Manchurian Candidate code hidden in that intro? If they ever need Canadians to do something en masse they just need to play the first few bars of the hinterland clips and we'd all become robots!
KAZ
Sir David may be three days older than kerosene but I hope that he lives forever.
If I could pick 3 anyone (living or dead) to spend a day with, he would be one of them.
The other 2 would be Oscar Wilde and oh I don't know...
maybe Monica Bellucci :)
sEa
Huzzah for your lusty admiration of those Gentlemen..it's the accent innit? C'mon admit it?
Would you make Hopkins wear the Hannibal goalie mask and tie you up on a dolly?
..that's wicked kinky!
So... is it any good or not?
ReplyDelete:D
Yes, rather ironic, what? that the brits claim to be animal lovers while blowing the brains out of badgers. commiserations that you have to listen to the americanized version tho..xx
ReplyDeleteHa!!! at your response to me.
ReplyDeleteBecause it's true!
How many more times! We are not "Brits"!
ReplyDeleteWe've only got as far as the komodo dragons so far. The sweet little darlings.
I am afraid they are employing the same techniques they use to engage baboons on Americans to engage ratings as they've heard intelligence scares them off.
ReplyDeleteApparently you can also make an American less hostile by blowing up its bottom and grooming its hair with your nails vigorously.
I hasten to add I've never tried it and am all for Americans having the same rights as the rest of humanity.
If it's any consolation we are getting some pretty crap TV first hand these days.
The Beast of Bodmin is not to be confused with the Beast of Bournemouth(I smell better...mostly) . I have been watching Daves Life as well Donn , its excellent . Talking of badgers I was driving down a country lane the other night and a little familly of badgers were scampering around in the road , I had to swerve violently to avoid the little devils .They totally ignored me
ReplyDeleteYeah frogs taste like chicken say the french!Ah but wait don't think they have tasted that kind of frog...in my previous life everything tasted like cigarette,now everything tastes!Ok..I go!
ReplyDeleteBeast said, The Beast of Bodmin is not to be confused with the Beast of Bournemouth(I smell better...mostly) .
ReplyDeleteWe beg to differ!
*Febreezes liberally*
nut roast doesn't taste like chicken which is why I'm not a vegetarian. The rest is just chicken but larger/smaller/more expensive. Long Live the Humble Chicken, well not that long obviously because then you'd be back to nut roasts which taste like wood chippings.
ReplyDeletekangaroo doesn't taste like chicken. But platypus does...
ReplyDelete...and humans taste like pork.
ReplyDeleteJus' sayin'.
Sx
Don't forget adders, Donn. Adders are v. poisonous snakes, just that nobody's seen one since about 1982. And donkey. They've got enormous teeth.
ReplyDeleteI'ma a little concerned about Scarlet Blue's eating habits
ReplyDeleteDo Merkins from the Southern parts of the States taste like KFC?
ReplyDeleteOh wow. When did Sir David get so OLD??
ReplyDeleteI'm allergic to chicken. No kidding. Evolution on the move...
ReplyDeleteWell I am not into shark or too many furry creatures that are harder to catch than eat. But sit me down with a freshly caught deer steak and you might find a grin on my lips.
ReplyDeleteMind you a like seafood, but give me my meat...::wicked grin::
This show you talk of I cannot get, so I will have to be satisfied with your review as you watch it. I am sure it will be worth the wait!
Soft love,
T
Damn. That "Great Tit" link REALLY let me down. :(
ReplyDeleteI loved him in Jurassic Park in which the cast tasted like chicken.
ReplyDeleteBadgers are vicious things and if not culled would attack small to medium sized weemen and children, you forgot to mention that Mr bleeding heart I love animals and stuff.
"Don't forget adders, Donn. Adders are v. poisonous snakes, just that nobody's seen one since about 1982."
ReplyDeleteThey became extinct with the invention of the calculator.
How could I resist?