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NOOFIE SEAL SWIMS TO BRITISH COLUMBIA ATTACKS GIRL!

NOOFIE SEAL HUNT VINDICATED

Recently a young, Canadian, girl was dragged off the dock by a Harbour Seal. Luckily she somehow survived the attack...

you can read all aboot it here .

Most people are unaware that Harbour Seals are savage, heartless, bastards.

Only Newfoundland has properly controlled this menace and their efforts have been so successful that Noowfie Seals are now travelling to the other coast in search of prey.

If you search YouTube there are plenty of Seal Attacks to view and that is why there is and always will be, a Seal "Hant " in Noowfunland AND Labbador...

Canadian politicians must always remember to say Noowfunland and Labbador together and not make Labbador sound like an afterthought...

because the deadly Arbor Seals still haunt Labbador, but not-so-much in Noowfinlan.

Thousands of years ago Noowfinland was initially inhabited by the First Asians who took a wrong turn and wandered across the Ice Age landbridge.

Next came the Vikings who gave up because they were constantly being eaten by Seals and the Giant Killer Cod or Cad.

In 1497 John Cabotinni arrived with a fresh load of Screech fueled Irish Prisoners and Whores from England. England had yet to discover Australia, which became the perfect spot to unload undesirables and the British Prisons were overflowing.

It was said that the waters of the Grand Banks were so fertile, and da Cadfish was so tick, that his ship came to a sudden, violent, stoppage..now known as Screetching to a Halt because Cabotinni had been drinking Screech on the bow when this happened and the impact knocked him right off the ship.

A few of the Irish prisoners escaped by running on top of the Cadfish..most were eaten. These prisoners went on to populate Noowfinland...

AND Labbador!

On his way down Cabotinni exclaimed,

"Mama-mia, dis a-place-a she's a-no fun!"

So the name No-funland was born but because it was only overheard by escaping Irish prisoners, it was and is to this day, pronounced Noowfinlan.

This should help to explain why Noowfinlanders tak funny and cannot be understood by any other Canadians.

It occurred to me that due to this recent, unprovoked, attack on the little girl, that the rest-of-the-world now knows the awful truth about Seals.
Seals are savage monsters and for Centuries Noowfunlanders have been merely protecting themselves and their loved ones from the killer seals.

"Noowfies" have long been tired of being thought of as Screetch-fueled, heartless bastards who callously whack the sh*t out of tousands of those fuzzy, hapless, doe-eyed, creatures we see in those gruesome Peta adverts.

Noowfunland has a rich history of protecting themselves from Killer Seals and the savage Giant Killer Codfish which, thanks to their tireless efforts, are now just aboot extinct.

For Centuries the Giant Killer Cadfish had consumed Noowfies with such disturbing regularity that drastic measures had to be taken.

In order to protect the wymyn & chalran, the men of Noowfunland bravely went out and started culling aff all da Cadfish.

You may be unaware that Noowfunland did not join Canada until 194-fack'n-9.

That was the year that the Preemyer o' da Pravince, Joey Smallwood, went on a Screetch fueled rampage with udder mambers o' da Noowfie Lajesslaytchurr,

and killed the last Giant Killer Cadfish wid 'iz bar hans and a sharp object!

Nature abhors a vacuum and with the Cadfish now extinct, the 'Arbrr blood-thirsty Seals soon rose to the top o' da food chain.

'Arbrr Seals began attacking the Noofies at will.

Defeated, drunk, and exhausted from eliminating the Cad, the menfolk of Nooffunland AND Labbador vowed to beat the livin' crap out of every Seal..no matter how dangerous that might be. The idea was to kill them all when they're young, but it was still extremely dangerous because it is very cold out on the iceflows.

Finally, when the Screetch and Cadfish was all gone and Seal population safely under control, the Noowfies felt that it was safe enough to paddle over to the Pravinss 'o H'alberta and gat some jabs.

For decades Noowfie men had to go to Alberta to find jabs in the Oil Fields..

until they found huge reserves gurgling off their own shores.

Now Noowfunland is destined to be the richest Pravince in the country and they could tell the rest of Canada to "fack rite aff".

Noofies have long felt that the way we Landlubbers operate Factory Farms and protected ourselves from the Bison is just the same as Sealin! I tend to agree.

That being said, Noofies, however I spell it, are the friendliest, most forgiving people in Canada. Despite decades of being the brunt of jokes they are taking the high road and willing to let bygones be bygones. So udder Canadians, especially H'albertans, should bear this in mind when they go aff ta Noofinland AND Labbador leckin' for jabs.