Monday, February 23, 2009

OSC-SNORE RANT
There once was an aura of glamour and mystery about MOVIE STARS. These days, thanks to the paparazzi and the Interwebs, we know more about celebrities than we do about our friends and relatives. The main disconnect is that most of us watch MOVIES we don't study FILM.

One thing is certain, the "Oscars" need to be trimmed down to a one hour program because most Movie-goers are only moderately interested in a few categories...aside from the few people who like to bet on them in Vegas.

Let's face it, we live in a hyperdrive-nano second world where you can retrieve information in a few seconds...who has three hours to waste. Movies themselves may soon need to be trimmed down from the standard 2 hours?

Just the facts please Ma'am. Now that there are so many other ways to entertain ourselves, we just need a quick reference in case we decide to watch a movie..which doesn't actually entail leaving your house anymore.


So fine, tell us about the five nominees and then blurt out the winners in:
Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
Best Actor: Sean Penn, MilK
Best Actress: Kate Winslet, The Reader
Best Director: Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Animated Feature Film: WALL-E


Best Original Score & Best Song:
Since it's Music this can be done at the Grammys..sorry Peter Gabriel


Adapted Screenplay & Original Screenplay:
Wasted on movie-goers..but this information might be of interest to people who actually read b o o k s?


Best Cinematography & Film Editing & Visual Effects & Sound Effects & Sound Mixing:
For techies and Film students..who goes to a see a movie because of the Sound editing?


Best Short Documentary & Best Foreign Film & Animated Short Film & Live Action Short Film:
You and I will NEVER-EVER watch them... unless we know someone in them or they are about our favorite cause or shot in our city or country.

Makeup & Costume & Art Direction:
Hello!? A movie without these key ingredients is called a Documentary.


One Hour MAX! ... and we demand that the host be an irreverent Comedian who will poke fun at the biggest EGOS on the planet. Actors and Directors get paid ridiculously obscene sums of money..millions of dollars more than people who teach your children how to read, carry you out of burning buildings, or fix your aorta.


What if the world operated according to our hierarchy of needs and the highest paid people on Earth provided the basics:
physiological, safety and security, love and belonging, and esteem needs?
Parents, Teachers, Nurses, Electricians, Doctors, Plumbers, Firemen, Cops, would all be Millionaires!
It wasn't that long ago that "Entertainers" were wandering, hand-to-mouth, thesbians, magicians and minstrels? When did the world invert and who decided that being Actors, Athletes and Musicians were the most important jobs on Earth?



What if the world wasn't upside down and Actors and Athletes worked on commission?

18 comments:

  1. Hand-to-mouth lesbians?

    I say old chap!

    *goes back for re-read*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hm. Really good question. Starving artists got smart and wanted some of the big money that others were making off them?

    But, aren't most of them still hand to mouth, though?

    I read that the kid who played Jamal still lives in the slums. What's up with that?

    ReplyDelete
  3. They could just publish the winners in the newspapers and not have the show at all.

    I haven't watched the Oscars in years.... too boring.

    Perhaps I have an attention problem? Or are they all too bloody long-winded?

    ReplyDelete
  4. MJ
    HAR HAR
    Pretty much hand to mouth..unless of course they are Hyena'd and have an extending you-know-what!

    GILLETTE
    Tru dat! The vast majority are still starving. The Movie Stars are an anomomly in the Arts community... even though they are who we are so severely over-exposed to and it seems like there are thousands of them.

    Still, any one of us would be set if we made $1M for one movie..and guys like Pitt and Cruise make $30M+ per movie.

    I hope that the good karma returns to all those involved in Slumdog..for opening our eyes and reminding us how lucky we are.

    PONITAE
    I started watching them with my Mom when I was a kid...she started bringing me to Movies when I was a baby..and no I didn't talk or cry during the show.

    So I have always loved Movies..and since I'm too impatient to be a novel reader it really is my main source of art..if you can attach that label to a small portion of the hundreds that they churn out.

    I just wish that the remuneration system wasn't so fercockt!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Just because the show business is soooo profitable, almost as much as the sports business, the world is not upside down.

    Congrats to Penelope Cruz, the very favourite round here!

    ReplyDelete
  6. LENI
    Let's consider some of the fancy schmancy Hollywood accounting...they can make a movie that raked in $400 M look like it lost money.

    There is something weird going on..production costs run about $100M+ to make a run-of-the-mill action summer movie, $25M of that going to the star, then
    they spend $60M on promotion so theoretically it has to make $160M just to break even right?

    Isn't that crazy? Anyway the golden era for the Studio System is waning because of the piracy leakage and competition from smaller independents who now have affordable hi tech wizardry at their disposal.

    Perhaps a correction is at hand?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, Maslow. It's a business and the products must fit in different markets to please the maximum possible numbers of people who bring their cash to the cinema. And all over the world the cinemas are showing all the same boring movies.
    What a giant machine!

    Oh yes, some idiots still make films. Like some idiots are still taking pictures, id est photograph, paint by light, for the love and beauty of a fine handcraft.

    ReplyDelete
  8. amen, brother. i have a couple of kids in the business, behind the camera, not in front, so i know the the reality of the movies.
    xoxox
    (but i still enjoyed the show last night.)

    ReplyDelete
  9. i read books. i do. and when they adapt them for screen they bugger them all up and use not good words and stuff. keep reading, it makes your brain grow.

    ReplyDelete
  10. (they've just interviewed his mum on the News At Ten and she says he still has to tidy his bedroom)(that boy from the film)(the one that got the Oscars and whatnot)(he lives in a posh house in the London suburbs!)(and his former headmistress is very proud of him!)(he's going to get a shock when he gets back from hobnobbing with Will Smith, and finds he has to tidy his bedroom)

    I digress

    given that Maslow used a totally unrepresentative sample of the human race on which to base his triangle, I'm not entirely certain of its value. . . however, going with your analogy, if there's a place for me (is there? hope so!) I'd like to be the tinker with a long flowing coat with lots of pockets full of ribbons and jewels and interesting things I'd gathered along my merry way. . . to sell, or trade or barter - for food and drink and shelter. . .

    or am I missing the point? or losing the plot?

    but then you know I don't do celebrity or politics, so I probably shouldn't have commented

    (-:

    ReplyDelete
  11. honey, the *do* work on commission. it's vile...

    poor Maslow had it right.

    ReplyDelete
  12. oh shucks! im still angry they snubbed batman. :(

    ill go back to sleep and dream about Anne Hathaway...

    Hugs brotha!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I hear what you're saying regarding pay / important career ratios, but if Kate Winslet and that starlet from Slumdog were to star together in a lesbian porn shoot, then that's something I'd pay top dollar to see.

    Shallow? Moi?

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  14. Yayy nurses are third..we rock :)

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  15. I have such a loathing for modern cinema. Even with a film I wouldn't mind seeing I'm not going to spend £20 on a couple of tickets. Just as I wouldn't spend £90 on a football match.

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  16. Dogs! Making millions out of slums..

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm with Ponita - scrap the whole thing. Grammys and Emmys and all the other awards shows too.

    ReplyDelete

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