Monday, March 03, 2008

Chapter 37

The worst offense may not have a good defense.
Some of you may recall that me 'ead spent a good deal of time being frozen in the South Pole and then next to that intolerable Disney fellow in a cryogenic vat.

There was plenty of time to think until I was thawed. I am currently in the process of putting these thoughts to paper in my memoirs which I have titled Deep Thawts. The following is an excerpt from Chapter Thirty Seven,
Most of you are familiar with being on the receiving end of that ubiquitous schoolyard phrase "I know you are but what am I? It stings. For some, the shame and humiliation of receiving such a devasting blow to the ego lasts a lifetime.

For others, unleashing the power of those soul searing words has become an effective vehicle for fooling some of the people most of the time. Right Wing Gasbags like know-it-all Rush Limbaugh, expertly manipulate and intimidate millions of Americans every day. Especially those who want Views not News and who rely on his Radio Talk Show to siphon all that sh*t through his big fat head before he regurgitates it.

There is a very good reason why this insidious assault on reason is so devastatingly effective.
Nobody wants to be wrong.

I have come to the conclusion that the single greatest barrier preventing Mankind from embracing the universality of our predicament, is the threat of being wrong.

Yes I can say without fear of contradiction that nobody likes being wrong, especially religious zealots. Who among us can stand up and boldly admit that they don't know what the hell they are talking about?

Telling someone that they are wrong is dangerous. Fanatics find such affronts blatantly offensive and would rather keeeel you than try to change your mind with slick AD campaigns or a PR charm offensive. Can you imagine how difficult it would be for al Qaeda to 'rebrand' their image? How does one go about reducing the Earth to ashes in a breezy, feel-good, Hallmarkian, commercial?
cue bkgd music; theme from Love Boat
"Hi everybody how's it goin?
Well it's a beautiful, sunny, day here in Pakistan and the Big O and I just want to remind our viewers that we are postponing the detonation of the Earth's molten core with the Nukes that we borrowed until after the Holidays.
That should give you all plenty of time to shop and enjoy your family gatherings. Hope everyone has a super-duper Weekend and please be careful driving home."
Throughout Human History keeelling other people has been the preferred method of resolving those nagging internal conflicts that arise from exposure to contrarian views. It's just easier.

Luckily eliminating competitors with opposing cosmologies comes quite naturally to us and may be considered the path of least resistance.

Humans have been perfecting ways to obliterate large numbers of 'wrong' people in one fell swoop. Trillion$ of Dollar$ are spent worldwide developing new methods of vaporising naysayers. It's still way cheaper than just letting somebody have an alternative viewpoint or admitting that you don't know something.
Even the casual observer might question the cost/benefit ratio of maintaining Armed Aggression in perpituity but annihilating others is a time honored tradition.

So basically we are at the mercy of those with the largest stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction. No wonder we want to think that a better place lay beyond the grave.
In conclusion I wish to amend the most offensive phrase in History to the following;

I know you're WRONG,
but what am I?
Care to disagree?


  1. Anonymous3:18 p.m.








  2. NO fathorse STOP!..
    ((OW F@%# that hurts!))


    Before I exsanguinate ..


    I would just like to mention


    that my research confirms that this posting

    ((gross noises))

    was TFL!

  3. Sadly humans feel threatened by alternative viewpoints. The instinctive response to a threat is to become defensive, and a good offence is the best defense.

  4. Amen!

    The real tragedy is millions support there maniacs and are ready to die. and the 'realer' tragedy is we are oh so helpless. and the most massive tragedy is, the maniac dont really know why they are fear mongering.

    'I know who I am, but i sure dont know who the heck r u!'

  5. Look, you blaspheming, unpatriotic, french-fry-eating, atheistic, commie/pinko/gay-boy CANADIAN scumbag, you might not like the fact that RIGHT MAKES RIGHT, but crying to mamma over some liberal vomit rag blog is not going to save your namby pamby ass when us God fearing good old boys drive up there in our pickemup trucks and show you damn peace-loving Al-quida lovers how the GOOD GUYS take care of you piss-ants!

    This IS the audition for "Deliverance II, The White House"........right?


  6. It's too bad all these people who can't stand to admit they are wrong and would kill anyone who says they are, can't just kill each other off. Then the rest of us, who might actually learn to say we were wrong and don't know what we were talking about, could just get on with life in a less annihilatory fashion.

    Of course, that probably wouldn't last long, and the armed agression would probably start all over again, but it was a good idea at the time....

  7. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

  8. So true..I mean WTF is wrong with the world today!

    **So basically we are at the mercy of those with the largest stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction

    I hate to agree but I guess I have to! F'n morons should go die if they wanna but why kill everybody else?


  9. Anonymous1:07 a.m.

    I'll give you mouth to mouth if you need it...

  10. Anonymous7:02 a.m.

    I don't think you can actually get a religious zealot to admit he (or she, less frequently) is wrong. Ever.

  11. Hey, I was wrong once! No, really, it's true! Honest!

  12. stace,
    Isn't being offensive offensive?

    Most people are too busy trying to stay alive and don't have the time and energy to invest in getting rid of their idiot politicians who just do whatever the frig they want.

    THE michael,
    Come on now. Don't hold back. How do you REALLY feel?

    Unfortunately those idiots are smart enough to use other people to try and kill each other off.

    Join the club.

    preposterous ponderings,
    Wait until I stop hyperventilating!

    citizen mondo,
    If they did, nobody would follow them. Catch 22.

    THE michael,
    Define wrong?

  13. teehee... i won't argue...
    but i swear donn, the comments are as entertaining as the post!!!


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