Monday, January 14, 2008

THE TAMING OF THE SCREW
If you need any further proof that our species is headed for the dustbin of History here it is. Six Million Years of Evolution and some of you are still using those frickin Flathead or so-called 'Standard' Screws!
Come On People!

How many times have you lost contact while screwing and stabbed yourself in the finger because it slipped out?
((SON-OF-A-))

Why do we screw? Sure nailing things is OK but nothing beats a good screw. The simple answer is that screws are used to unite two objects together.

The best type of screws are the self-tapping screw which has a cylindrical shaft and a sharp thread that cuts its own hole and has proved to have uses far beyond its original application.. more of a recreational screw.

The first screws were made from wood (not surprising) in the 15th Century and by 1700’s the damned flat-bladed bit was invented and handheld screwdrivers were in use by 1800. Screwing with your head was invented by Sigmund Freud in the 1920s.

But the Screw to end all Screws was invented in 1908 by a Canadian, P. L. Robertson, it’s those long winters eh! I can declare without fear of hyperbole or contradiction, that the Robertson is One Billion Times better than a slot head. Why? Because the square headed screwdriver will not slip out of the head during installation! Greater torque and and tighter fastenings. Yeah Baby!

By the mid 30’s Henry Phillips patented those sissy Phillips head screws. These (cross head/star) screws were originally designed for mechanical screwing machines which is why they were intentionally made so the driver will ‘cam-out’ under strain to prevent over-tightening. Pfffft! Case closed.

Did you know that a Canadian perfected screwing? Nyeh!

33 comments:

  1. You need a little musical accompaniment for that DIY project...

    I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here
    Your voice sounds so wonderful
    But yer face don't look too clear
    So bar maid bring a pitcher, another round o' brew
    Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw

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  2. I could have guessed... ;)

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  3. yeah, homo boy, it's just as well that canadians are good at something -hehe.

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  4. i must take back my previous comment after remembering the existence of neil young and gordon lightfoot.

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  5. ...whaaaat?....

    When I came to uni this year I went to ikea and bought myself a chest of drawers, forgetting entirely that I had no tools (ie, hammer, screwdriver, common-sense). SO i had to construct the thing using nothing but a two-pence-piece and my bare hands. True Grit.

    I have no idea what you're talking about.

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  6. Is that your blood?

    My dad taught me well. I could use all kinds of tools before I was 10 years old. He made sure of it.

    One thing, I goof up is hammering a nail. I end up hammering my thumb! Most of the times.

    Thanks for the screw story. I can't even say screw it, you being my brother and all that rot!

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  7. I just always assumed there was some 9 year old in China who used his/her fingers or fingernails or tooth to tighten those little pointy holder-together thingies.

    Hm, live and learn.

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  8. As an engineer I have:

    magnet screwdriver
    screwdriver with 2 metal bits that hold the screw-head (like tweezers)
    cordless screwdriver that minimises my interaction with screws

    ... and I find the history of screws fascinating!

    (I also have a screwdriver bit for pretty much every type of screw under the sun including anti-tamper screws, but that's because I'm a sad git)

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  9. mj,
    That angst ridden serenade is a classic, although it never seemed to work in Junior High.

    stace,
    Australian gals don't just like us because we are polite ;)

    lee,
    My Word! Might I point out that Neil started his garage band era right here in Whateverpeg.
    We're good at other things too....
    just can't think of any at the moment...
    I'll Google it and get back to you.

    fathorse,
    Some day you'll wake up and find hair growing in 'funny' places and start thinking about boys...
    you'll see.

    gautami,
    You have magnificently navigated around my double entendre..Bravo!
    For the record that is not my blood. When I am screwing I am attentive and methodical. I hardly ever hurt myself.

    rimshot,
    You are so naïve. I worry about you sometimes.

    llewtrah,
    Anti tamper screw sounds ominous...sounds like something that you couldn't possible screw it up...if that is possible?

    I am familiar with the concept of one's partner minimizing their interaction while screwing. Many of my acquaintances have spoke at length about such matters and it is the mainstay of Comedians.

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  10. There is little more embarrassing than cam-out or torq-out during the act of screwing.

    That's why I always prefer hex nuts (preferably locking) and a bolt. Or, there's always the self-popping rivet.

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  11. rimster,
    You got that right, a early cam-out can scar you for life!..or at least until the next opportunity.

    Personally I don't think that it is very considerate to bolt..
    you could cuddle for a while? Besides, you should enjoy the company because you'll be back to self popping your rivets soon enough.

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  12. Yeesh I think I'm in the wrong blogosphere. I thought this was the blogmooch site. Was so looking forward to editing all those entries.

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  13. I had to restart my reading of this post, ummmm, oh heck - I lost count! I was laughing that dang hard!!!

    What?

    It was a serious post? Nothing funny about it?

    Sowwy. Just my warped sense of humor. My bad ...

    Awwwwwww - screw it!!

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  14. I got one of those retractable screw drivers with six different heads for Christmas. My husband definitely knows the way to a girl's heart.

    ReplyDelete
  15. grumble11:21 p.m.

    Some eminent statesman once remarked about either sex or sexual innuendo. Thank God, I can't
    remember anything more about it, than that... why not at least consider the English approach, when considering CW or CCW helical
    fasteners. The ubiquitous
    "Bugger-All" tool is ready and handy.

    "Screw it! You haven't got a hammer, by chance?"

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  16. you have to have a flat head screwdriver for opening tins of paint, and those other ones are called pozidrives or something aren't they?

    Like Andrea I received a magic toolset from santa with includes all manner of screwdrivers, pliers, cutting bits and things for getting things out of horses hooves, and it folds up ever so tiny little!

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  17. I think you've got a screw loose.

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  18. so sorry, i couldn't stop giggling while reading your post. i have a dirty mind.

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  19. i thought you wrote, "taming of the shrew".

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  20. Now, now, Don, EVERYbody knows that the multifaceted octogonagonal fastener facilitator, invented for the manufactured home industry, is the far superior screw/screw driver system. Ever try and FIND a driver for a screw used in mobile homes? GOOD LUCK! Now THAT's superior fastening!

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  21. spentrails,
    Fear Not! You are in the right blogosphere..
    this is the blogsmooch site.

    eternally curious,
    For those of us trapped in a climate with 6 months of REAL Winter replete with a meager 7 hours of daylight it is important to have a hobby.

    awndrayah!
    Yes he certainly seems to be a hopeless romantic. Variety is the spice of Life.

    grumblocity,
    English traditionalism has certainly been replaced by 'Merkin Know-How'.

    "I'd rather be a Hammer than a Nail,
    Yes I would,
    If I only could."

    zig,
    Don't be alarmed by how ever so tiny-little your instrument folds up. The important thing is that when it pops out and springs into action, that it remains rigid and locked in until your task is completed.

    mj,
    That may well be true. I think that it is important to spread Canadian Culture to all corners of the globe. We need to be The Best at something other than playing with our puck 'n sticks.

    menchie,
    My Word! I suppose that one could derive some sort of hidden inference from my essay on Hardware. It certainly isn't anything to be ashamed of, a lot of women are interested in learning more about those 'thingamabobs'.
    Knowing which tool is right for the job can go along way in completing Home Improvement Projects.

    misti,
    No that was Lord Byron writing under his nom de plume, William Shakespeare.

    THE michael,
    A multifaceted octogonagonal fastener facilitator sounds like the name that NASA would come up with for a $25,000 Screwdriver.
    Like their $30,000 Manual Inertia Displacement Impact Facilitator otherwise referred to by the Great Unwashed as a Hammer.

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  22. menchie -that was just what he intended :).

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  23. HE - yeah? Well SCREW YOU!

    bdum-tiiiissshh

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  24. lee,
    Let's not escalate this as you can see it is starting to spin out of control!

    fathorse,
    My Word!
    You of all people should know that I was just being a smartass...
    you're not really mad are you?

    I am going to hold my breath until I pass out and then you'll be sorr..
    ((THUD))

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  25. You really are screwed up aye?

    Hold ya breath again I dare ya!

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  26. I hv totally 'screwed up' yes LOL!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You're just thinking about birthday sex with Ali...I hope for her sake your bit didn't break off!

    Doofus. Screws. Obscure, yet utilitarian.

    ReplyDelete
  28. whitesnake,
    OK watch this...30 seconds
    1 minute

    minute and a half

    two minu...
    ((THUD))

    preposterous ponderings,
    Sure, but only if it is a
    #10 Robertson!

    keshi,
    You still have plenty of time to find the right driver. You might even prefer a cordless one that runs on batteries but you need to remember to charge them..that's why most people end up with an old fashioned type that has a cord that plugs right in. It gets the job done but it can't wander off too far..
    but don't forget that you'll need an extension.

    without a clue,
    No ur a tilitarian!
    Only Married Guys expect Birthday sex you twit...
    Ok and Single Guys..
    maybe Single Gals..
    Married Ladies just want to be pampered. Take a survey on your Blog and see for yourself...don't believe everything that you read in Men's Health.

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  29. old news dude- i so knew the canadians perfected screwing!
    i have however, taken it to the next level... i'm working on a book.
    mwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaa

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  30. angel,
    You never cease to amaze me. Spread the word!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Learned something new today. Laughed too!

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  32. This only happens to men...

    ReplyDelete

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