Thursday, November 08, 2007

THE WATERMARK OF THE BEAST

Yesterday afternoon the young clerk behind the counter at a W*ndy’s Restaurant would not accept my crisp $50 bill.

I calmly explained that

A: my printer was not that good,
B: the note was legal Government printed currency,
C: it came out of a Bank machine, and that
D: he could use the scanner to check it.

With his voice cracking like the pimply faced putz in the Simpsons he calmly said,
We don’t accept $50's or $100’s and we don’t have a scanner!”

“Why you little %#$@&*”
“Well I guess we’ll go to McD*nalds.”

Holy-freakin’-cashless-society-number-of-the-beast-Batman! Did somebody forget to tell me that the Tribulation had already started?

And speaking of Tribulations, why do these uppity Retailers think that they are doing us all a favour by allowing us to shop in their stores? The customer is no longer always RIGHT, the customer is an IDIOT if he/she doesn’t understand that it is a priviledge and an honor to be able to buy crap from our store!

Look, I don’t blame the pimply faced half-awake teenager . I realise that he has no concept of customer satisfaction. Hell he had to get out of bed before 3pm on a Saturday! Oh thankyou thankyou thankyou kid. I am sooo grateful. But you weren’t even a sparkle in your Old Man’s eye when shopping was customer oriented.

So if the holier-than-thou la-di-frickin’-da retailers can arbitrarily decide that they are not going to accept REAl cash, then why are the Banks still handing them out? Who is in charge here?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Number_of_the_Beast
"As many of you are aware, the prevailing interpretation of view of Revelation 13:16-17 is that "the Beast will require all people to receive the mark on their right hands or foreheads in order to buy or sell anything"..
little did I know that this would also include buying %$#@&* Hamburgers.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/counterfeit/
“Most retailer business is cash, and most retailers work on small margins. So if you get a couple of fake hundreds in a day and you can’t get compensation for that, it’s a double whammy because it’s not only your profit gone, but also the merchandise bought with the fake,” says Diane Brisebois, president of the Retail Council of Canada.

http://www.cyberclass.net/cnote.htm
“And what about all those millions in suspended animations? That, Wolf says, is good business sense for the government as well. By sitting on its “seigniorage” – the profit it made from the original sale of those notes - it avoids the cost of replacing the bills when they wear out.”

“Financial institutions find a lot of the fakes. But they report that counterfeit credit cards are a much bigger problem for them than counterfeit currency. In 2005,
counterfeit cards cost them $280 million
dwarfing the $9.3 million lost from phony money.
80% of all transactions under $20 are in cash.
Overall cash volume and usage continues to increase, and it remains a preferred medium of payment for Americans.”

I tried to contact W*ndy’s but their contact site is under construction and yes Mickie D’s accepted my $50 bill. So NYEH!

So much for my idea of asking for enough fifty dollar bills to cover my entire nekked body by midnight on my fiftieth birthday
(less than one month away..hint hint..)
I guess that I will have to be covered in gold leaf instead.
OOOCH... OUCH... D'OH!

34 comments:

  1. LOL HE...just take small change ;-)

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi HE,
    You are chosen to represent your country in our international blog
    WUB (World United Bloggers)
    The aim of this blog is to prove to the world that differences in language, religion,race and nationality do not make us hate each other and we can make this world better if we express our opinions with respect to others.
    If you agree to join us please send e-mail with your nick name , age , country and your blog address to sabydasouza@yahoo.com where you will be sent an activation mail which makes you entitled to contribute in WUB, your name as one of the contributor will automatically be updated.Please read the rules before you start any posting in WUB where you will also find the aims of this WUB.
    Thanks

    LOVE and PEACE
    saby
    moderator of indian continent
    www.worldub.blogspot.com
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    or post your acceptance to my blog

    ReplyDelete
  3. HA! I remember when there was a batch of fake fifties circulating our town. They were rubbish. Poor old Queenie's head was all stretched and I didn't even recognise the guy on the back. Idiot Devonians.

    I don't think I've ever held a real fifty pound note. I'm not that rich. In my experience, people don't tend to buy fish and chips with them. unless they're fake.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi HE,

    You are chosen to represent your planet in our interstellar space/time blog
    BUTT (Bloggers United in Time Travel)
    The aim of this blog is to prove to the universe that differences in number of limbs and/or appendages, spelling (we spell colouuur with three extra 'u's), race distances (be it 100 meters, 100 yards or a 100 blimfarks) and singing talent do not make us hate each other and we can spam the universe with our drivel if we express our opinions where they aren't wanted or asked for.
    If you agree to join us please send e-mail with your nick name, age, planet, credit card number, mother's maiden name, super-secret security question/answer, bank routing and account numbers and your blog address to twillowalnuts@dvandshow.com where you will be sent an activation mail which makes you entitled to contribute in BUTT, your name as one of the contributors will automatically be updated. Please read the rules before you start any posting in BUTT where you will also find the aims of this BUTT.
    Thanks

    LOVE and PEACE
    Twillo

    ReplyDelete
  5. You.......... Yes You .....
    Had a Fifty Dollar note?

    Oh and just when exactly is the momentous occaision of your birthday?

    The big Five OH!

    Hmmm, might have ta pop over for a few beers........at least we won't have to buy any ice.....

    ReplyDelete
  6. keshiroobar,
    I usually just get one of my servants to collect some walkin'-around money when they are collecting the drycleaning or picking up the weekly flower arrangements and such.

    I have very limited contact with working class people so I am at a complete loss when things like this happen. For heaven's sake I only handed the boy a $50? The Pizza delivery men never complain..of course they get to keep the change...hmm..OOH I get it..I should have told him to keep the change.

    Jim,
    Me? Really? I suppose that I could tone down a bit of the rhetoric and concentrate on our biological similarities. I actually started out with that in mind...the fact that we are all the sons and daughters of Mitochondrial Eve and we all left Africa some 150,000 years ago to fan out across the globe and start inventing ways to segregate ourselves.

    Now that we KNOW how we got here maybe we should try to undo all of these manufactured obstacles before we succeed at eliminating each other.

    Hmm.

    fathorse,
    One should always carry a wad of rolled up $100's just in case you get the munchies and there aren't any ATM's around.

    Our scanner is on the fritz so I won't be making any funny money in the near future. If I did I certainly would not embarass the Queen by stretching her Mona Lisaesque smiley face...how ghastly!

    rimster,
    What a wiseacre! I live to spam my drivel and express my opinions where they aren't wanted or asked for..why else would you blog?

    I'll have you know that I won the 100 Yard Dash in Junior High but had my bunions removed the following year and this ended my brilliant sprinting career..
    I proudly display my ribbons right by my workstation...
    where was I..
    Oh Yeah..
    I don't know if I will have time to post on BUTT ( as seductive as it sounds) because I have been asked to contribute to a smaller niche market affair here on Earth.

    Let's wait and see how it goes but thanks for considering me.
    Say hi to Kang and Kodos.

    whitesnake,
    The Canadian Government sends garbage bags full of $50's to each household every week. We are supposed to use it to learn French or buy Canadian made Bacon, Maple Syrup, Beer or Hockey Equipment.

    I am turning Book-Em Dano FIVE-O on the 6th of December. The Prime Minister will prolly drop by and give me an extra bag of $50's..what a guy!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dude, customer service is just a euphamism for "complaints handling". There's no such thing as customer satisfaction, and the customer is rarely right. Let me explain - businesses found that with the "customer is always right" mentality, staff felt taken advantage of and resentful. Productivity was out the window. It's only when you give staff the authority to say "No, you're not right, this is how things work..." they feel a lot better about their shitty job because they're lording it over somebody who knows a lot less about their company.

    On the other hand, not accepting large bill is kind of screwed up. I mean, most places have a minimum amount for EFTPOS, so what's the deal here... if you want something less than $10 and more than $20 you have to use EFTPOS, for anything in between cash is ok?

    Then again, HE, you really shouldn't be eating at either Wendys or McDonalds, they're both very bad for you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. stace,
    Save all of your fancy schmancy EFTPOS mumbo jumbo..all I wanted was a burger!
    What really burns my ass is that the la-di-da HR people at these Corporataions have too placate these self centered little Millenials with gaming and nap rooms and walk around on eggshells to keep these Millenials from pouting and storming out because their over-protective 'helicopter' parents let them live at home rent free until they are 30 and gave them awards for participating and telling them that they are special and everyone is a winner just for trying and never trained them to deal with the harsh realities of the REAL WORLD!

    ((pffft))

    HAHAHAHA just kidding I just watched that on 60 Minutes.
    You're right, I shouldn't be eating at either of those joints in the first place..
    from now on I'm goin' to Burger King!

    ReplyDelete
  9. stace,
    I just remembered that Burger King mascot guy is like the creepiest thing in the universe..I can't go there either.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ha! over here it's common for cashiers to ask you if YOU have change! For instance, if the bill is 54.50, they ask if have 4.50 so they can just give you 50.

    drives me crazy!

    ReplyDelete
  11. We have spoken about this before haven't we. Instead of taking all of that nasty anger out on poor children forced to work for The Man, why don't you stop eating fast food, with all of its animal products and additives and have a nice bowl of lentil soup instead? You will feel so much better.
    I hope that this helps.

    ReplyDelete
  12. goddamit...how could they do that! If they dont have small change then maybe they can ask for smaller denomination (why do economic and banking terms always sound big). Well thats why Mickie D is da biggest chain in da world and Wendy's have fingers in their meals. :p

    ReplyDelete
  13. Craziness, noteworthy craziness!.....doesn't make sense (as compared to card fraudulence) and small cash transactions so prevalent.

    That would be Wendy's Icecream right? we have that too...I must go and see if they take $50 notes, we might be able to instigate a worldwide ban here..:)

    Another disappointing thing is that we cannot get them to stock licorice icecream anymore; my all time favorite is chocolate and licorice...who do I have to kill to get back the licorice!?

    I ask them every time..."when is the licorice coming back?"

    They say, "but we don't stock it anymore, not enough people like it to buy"

    Exactly, I rest my case, it's a *special* treat, like pickled roe of sturgeon, or snail soup.

    You would love our local cafe's hamburger with the lot and their pizza (with the lot)...they don't have licorice icecream either though.

    Pam

    ReplyDelete
  14. menchie,
    The Canadian Government recently tossed out the idea of minting a$5 COIN! The Banks are in a hurry to get rid of the Penny , the Nickel, and just round off eveything to the nearest Dime...sort of like going Metric I suppose.

    The problem is that a $5 coin would weigh about 5 pounds and few people have pockets strong enough to carry them.

    vicus,
    That is very helpful...except I still have all of my faculties about me and have no intention of becoming a herbivore until I am incarcerated in a retirement home.

    I am worried that the future of our Hemisphere will be in the hands of the Millenials, those born between 1980 and 1995.

    Twenty years from now when the you know what hits the fan and the 200 million man Chinese Armada lands on our shores, the new President and Prime Minister will be skateboarding and textmessaging each other, even though they are in the same room, and some frantic Old School BabyBoomer General will burst in the room and say MR PRESIDENT the Chinese Ambassador is here with an offer of surrender.
    The President will look up and say..Kewl! Does he know how to play Guitar Hero 35?

    ghosty,
    Now we all like to root for a winner and I won't say that the other chain is ready to give up the ghost just yet but as far as I am concerned they are dead to me.

    sienna,
    W*ndy's is just a huge Hamburger Chain. They have a freckle faced Pipi Longstocking mascot who I must say is not as creepy as B*rger King's mascot which is a giant emotionless King's Head that looks like it was stolen from some Mardi Gras float.

    I myself am not crazy about Licorice Ice Cream but I would have Licorice long before I would have a lick on a Sturgeon Roe Cone.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I could strategically place a loonie, no, a TWONIE, over the bit of your choice on your 50th instead.

    ReplyDelete
  16. So it's like that in Canada too... Over the past ten to fifteen years I've noticed customer service really taking a nosedive in the US. For example, our administration hasn't been that helpful. OK, seriously...

    One extreme case was I learned never to call my local Sears for any reason because it was literally faster to drive over, find someone to talk to - not that it was easy - and drive back home.

    They had this really refined system, when you called, of transferring you to wrong departments and putting you on hold each time until you hung up.

    ReplyDelete
  17. mj,
    You'll need more than a little Twonie!
    Well actually...maybe not so much..I may have to give you some change.

    paul,
    HA! Isn't that scary!

    I am in full blame mode and I am pointing my finger at technology and this week, those bratty little Millenials are in my sights.

    ReplyDelete
  18. serves you right for being such a flash git showing off with your $50 note
    :)
    I however went to pay for 4 doughnuts in a baker in Salisbury with pennies and coppers that the children had saved and was told they don't accept small change!!!!! Apparently it fills up the till too quickly - they'd have loved you but alas they only had me and my shrapnel, so I went to Tesco where they accept any kind of money at all in any denomination and probably any currency because they are taking over the world.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Just popping in to show off my new Avatar. You like?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Do you have Harvey's out there? You really should have gone to Harvey's.

    ReplyDelete
  21. well thats a new one on me dude... a lot of places in south africa don't take cheques anymore- especially restaurants, but cash is still accepted.

    ReplyDelete
  22. teh boy needed some cash LOL!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  23. we must open our own chain...! Escapeon Burgers, Keshi Fries...etc.

    ReplyDelete
  24. mmmm Keshi Fries mmmmmmmmm

    ReplyDelete
  25. I once counted all my small coins and, happy as a kid, went to the store for a lottery ticket, but I didn't get one because all that change wasn't money ??!! Some days later, the minister of finances decided to make some more millions of these very small coins (1, 2 and 5 eurocents) because there was not enough change in circulation. Correct, everybody has tons of them at home and can't spend them. But what upsets me is this : what if a beggar wants to buy food with all the small cents he gets ? Is that refused than too ? (probably) And are banks willing to change his coins in notes ?
    And P.S. I used some of your wisdom in one of my posts :-) : http://flanders-inside.skynetblogs.be/post/5202195/kleine-zilverreiger--little-egret-egretta-gar#comments

    ReplyDelete
  26. Having worked in retail establishments for years I will be the first to say that the customer is definitely NOT always right.

    I sound harsh but even though the vast majority of customers were completely normal, reasonable, rational people, there was always the...one. You know the one. He's the one who comes in as if we should bow down before him because we were so low as to work *gasp!* in retail, thereby surrending all rights to a modicum of respect.

    It is usually one of the problem customers that prompt corporations to make what seem like completely arbitrary rules with regard to customer service. When a cashier quotes what sounds like a BS policy, it's probably there because of those a-hole customers, not the average joe who just wants to buy the crap and get out.
    And~!! In those cases, there is always going to be a store manager (like I was for years in retail bookstores) who can and probably will override that stupid policy if the reasonable customer doesn't turn into that a-hole customer over the afore-mentioned policy that the manager probably thinks is stupid too. Capice?

    Live long and prosper! =)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh, forgot to say...

    Mmmmmmmm Keshi fries.....

    ReplyDelete
  28. blogger ate up three paragraphs of my comment.. lemme muster some leftover shreds of wit for the next round..

    ReplyDelete
  29. in the maze of words i earlier typed, i can only remember that i was going to print fifty dollah bills to cover your entire derriere in time for your birthday.

    and something about the word "sampat". it loosely means "crazy and not fused quite right in the head".

    and yes, i am going to be invited to your partay where you will be at your nekkid best eh?

    ReplyDelete
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