Thursday, September 13, 2007

THE WANT AD
I'm just an average schmo.

I live in an older home,


that was built by my Grandparents.


I was fortunate enough to inherit the estate in '85,
when my flamboyant Uncle passed on.


Gosh my cousins were pissed off at me.

I guess that I was his favorite?

My darling wife is a great gal and a very good cook.


and we have four great kids. I am a lucky fellow.



There is a nice, young, couple living next door. Brad and Andrea or Lena Something or other. Really down to earth.


My other neighbour is a little 'off ' but he's quite harmless.
Here he is arriving at one of our little dinner parties.


We managed to squirrel away enough interest that we siphoned off of the principal on one of our smaller investment portfolios and purchased a little getaway cottage. If I'm not mistaken I think it's near the equator.

It is so great to enjoy Nature.
Weekdays we somehow manage to stir at the crack of noon!

Don't ask me how?

This gives us plenty of time to get a headstart on Cocktail Hour!
When my wife takes the chopper over to the casino with her pal Sheik Yerbouti,


I enjoy fishing with my personal assistants Cookie and Destiny Something or other.


During the Winter Holidays we all try to get together to go skiing out at the cute, little, 'schallay' in some unpronouncable town in Switzerland.

Thank goodness that the 'Help' can Sprechen to the Bundespolizei if I have a little 'oopsie' in town or wander off those tricky roads late at night.

Mom and Dad bought this place for us as a wedding present.
That was so sweet of them.

This is my favorite picture of my parents taken on our BIG day.

Where do the years go?

Oh I almost forgot.
You'll never guess what happened?

The other day I won some sort of raffle

when I filled up my old runabout.

I just wish that I had more friends to share my life with.


((sigh))

I don't suppose that any of you would be interested?

38 comments:

  1. I'll pass. I find the Swiss unbearably neutral, but I do so enjoy their bank accounts.

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  2. angela,
    Absolutely.
    I already have the uniform.

    My point was that conspicuous consumption and ostentatious living are really want ads.

    They want you to notice them,
    want you to know what they have,
    want you to envy them,
    want you to feel intimidated,
    want, want, want.

    Even though the rest of us know from watching this for thousands of years, that there is never enough, it never ends, and it won't make you happy.
    So why do we still want it?

    rimshot,
    Oh dear that is disapointing.
    I was hoping that you had some sycophantic tendencies that I could exploit for my personal benefit.

    Would you be a dear anyway and pick up my laundry on your way home. I'm not quite sure how one would go about that.

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  3. I had no idea Cary Grant had been schtumping Her Majesty.

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  4. Sycophant...why didn't you say so?!

    "Sycophant (Gr. συκοφάντης), in ancient Greece was the counterpart of the Roman delator, a public informer.

    According to ancient authorities, the word (derived by them from συκο suko, "fig", and φανης fanēs, "to show") meant one who informed against another for exporting figs (which was forbidden by law) or for stealing the fruit of the sacred fig-trees, whether in time of famine or on any other occasion. [citation needed] The Oxford English Dictionary, however, states that this explanation, though common, "cannot be substantiated", and suggests that it may refer instead to the insulting gesture of "making a fig" or to an obscene alternate meaning for "fig", namely sykon which means cunt"
    ~http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sycophantic

    If you wanted me to tell who's been exporting the figs, why didn't you just ask? (it was Annie, she's smuggling them out in her beau's folk's drawers.)

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  5. mj,
    You are a babe in the proverbial woods.

    rimshot,
    Well there it 'tiz.
    Why do I get the feeling that I have just been told to go fig myself?

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  6. I sure would be interested in being friends with cary grant and shaun cassidy.No, make that david cassidy.

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  7. lee,
    I realised after I clicked publish that half of the people won't recognise Oscar Wilde, Racquel Welch, or Shaun Cassidy!

    Now I try to keep believing that I am not an out of the loop middle aged moron but this little post proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am...middle aged that is.

    To my way of thinking Racquel Welch is no less a miracle of evolution than Mallika Sherawat and that George Clooney is as classically handsome as Cary Grant.

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  8. LOL HILARIOUS HE! I love it!

    ROFL @cousins' pics!

    Brilliant!
    btw Im NOT interested! cos my life right now is REAL and I dun wanna spoil the fun u see ;-)


    btw HE, go read wut happened to me last nite!

    Keshi.

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  9. It cracked me up to see oscar wilde's picture there -he sure would have made an interesting dinner guest.Would have followed him around with a notebook, though,to capture his witty remarks,and he might have found that a touch annoying.George Clooney can come to dinner any time.

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  10. *sigh*

    on another matter, wanna join the fun for dave's birthday? click on the other blog on my profile page if you do - all suggestions welcome!

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  11. I'll admit I don't know half the people in the pics.

    *sigh* it's so nouveau to announce to the world what you have. LOL! :D

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  12. LOL! just ROFLMAO!

    Okay....
    Dear George,

    I have a confession, I wanted to be *your friend* before you got rich and famous...sheer dignity and tyranny of distance prevented anything more than dirty thoughts.:-)

    Your house is, er, big...your grandparents I have seen at the local bingo hall, nice people.

    Your favorite Uncle (I'm afraid to mention this), but I think I may have seen him loitering around toilets...did he (obviously before he died) have a bladder problem?

    My oh my, your cousins (can see the resemblance btw) sure look disgruntled, my suggestion here is to introduce them to your assistants; Candy and Flossie, under no circumstances leave them alone with your children-trust me on that.

    Switzerland is a wise choice...they are very neat and tidy, you accidently have any oopsies they'll be onto helping you straight away-don't let the one way cable car rides frighten you....contemplation upon high mountains can be very ...contemplative.

    ......and remember, genius is born, not paid...

    da do ron ron da do.....

    ReplyDelete
  13. Your down-to-earth attitude is always refreshing. I was going to say I'd be your friend but it turns out I already am -- well, your neighbour at least (me and Brad). No wait! I'm actually your wife since my best pal *is* Sheik Yerbouti (and I'm going to see his son in concert for the second time in less than a year in November).

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  14. PS The comments are almost as good as the post -- especially mj's!

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  15. I paid Andrea to say that last comment.

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  16. Here’s a pic of Shaun Cassidy all growed up.

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  17. I'll be your friend.
    How depressing is that?

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  18. mj -about shaun cassidy -he looks even more like his mother now!! :). At least he's not all face-lifted looking like david -but I still like david more ;).

    he -do you think that these famous people are any happier than any of us here? (well oscar's not for a start because he's dead-;)). But you know what I mean -it's a big shallow thing that people buy into and then realise that it's very empty.

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  19. ah, the solace of the not rich and famous..."They're (the rich) not REALLY happy."

    Why not? Because they have what we have but better and more abundantly? I'm certain the well off can have friendships and meaningful relationships despite the handicap of having all that money.

    IMHO, money is nothing but a tool to get/do the things that money can buy. Some people are just 'handier' with tools than others.

    How that relates to conspicuous consumption in particular, I don't know. But lets not pass judgement on all the wealthy because of a few that the media have deemed sound bite worthy. Prejudice against the well off is still prejudice.

    In the words of the great Calloway: "I wanna be rich." (just not in Switzerland)

    ReplyDelete
  20. too serious? *blushes*

    Wacka-wacka-wacka!

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  21. Obviously a boring day huh?

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  22. George Clooney Is HAWT!!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. keshiroo,
    If I am not mistaken the 'cousins' are brothers from downunda. Maybe one of them was your flasher?

    lee,
    Oscar was THE best. I would have just died laughing. Incredible wit, one of a kind. I would have forgotten every word he said because I would probably die laughing. Monty P did a marvelous sketch with Oscar and GB Shaw..it's on YouTube of course.

    i like the view,
    What do you mean sigh? I went over and wished the birthday boy a jolly. Nice Man. Funny guy.

    menchie,
    Don't feel bad you're young! You prolly don't remember Natalie Wood, Warren Beatty, Racquel Welch....you've never seen 1 million years BC?
    People are getting chased by Dinosaurs decades before Jurassic Park.
    It's part of the Science Curriculum in Kansas.

    sienna,
    Aw shucks we can be friends.
    My Grandparents were very well mannered.
    Well my uncle did have a wife and two children.
    Aren't they beauts? Candy and Flossie HAHAHA
    ah yes, born and not paid...pity.

    andrea,
    That's right! I see every you every morning when you have the runs.
    It must be weird to hear live Zappa music..some of it is so out there but jazzy..that would be flashback city MAN.
    Yes you're right about the comments, these are funny people alright.

    MJ,
    I don't hold it against you.
    You are in desperate need of an avatar. I thought that I picked #5.

    Shaun looks pretty good..atleast he wasn't out holdin' up a sev with Dana Plado.

    Vicus,
    HAHAHA
    You make me laugh.
    I would be honored to be your friend. I'm not using my dignity at the moment anyway.

    lee,
    David had his ears pulled back?

    Well the Rich may not be happy but they can atleast afford to overindulge and go out in style.
    I'd like to try it just to be sure.

    rimshot,
    The wealthy don't need your protection so back off Rich Boy!
    If we can't eat the rich then what is left? WHAT? They are just askin' for it by flaunting it...of course nowadays you can't tell if a Jag is leased or stolen anyway.

    steve,
    Just another day in Paradise my son ((yawn))

    cazzie,
    You are quite welcome.

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  24. Look! I got my legs!

    It's not the avatar you picked but it was the crowd favourite.

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  25. Rimshot: Touché!

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  26. "....you've never seen 1 million years BC?
    People are getting chased by Dinosaurs decades before Jurassic Park.
    It's part of the Science Curriculum in Kansas."

    Why? Why do you want to make my poptart come out my nose?

    "Conspicuous consumption" is an odd affectation. The rich are exclusive in large part because they cannot trust the motives of the un-rich. Are you my freind because you like me, or because you like my money? Any Nouveau that fielded an entourage knows the answer in that context: "Paaar-ty!"

    So why then, this conspicuous (over)consuption? Is it a way to be seen as contributing to the general economy, or is it a way of identifying one's self as a member of the, "I'm not into you for your money, I got my own" club?

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  27. Back up, MJ...Cary Grant would have gone for the Duke, not for Her Maj.
    Funny one, Don(n)

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  28. Oh my dear friend,

    I am not interested in the money or things, but if you are avaible for a nice chat and some red wine. Just call me... we can make a night of it. That is of course if you family is okay with that.

    Otherwise, we can make it a family affair.

    Silly Homie... gits to love ya though...smiles

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  29. oops I meant gots... told ya I was under the weather.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I'll be your friend - what will you buy me?

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  31. Dinahmow: Yes, Cary Grant would have shunned the vag of Her Maj.

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  32. got a harley?
    otherwise, nah.

    unless you have Arkham 1st editions of HPL's complete works including juvenalia.

    so yeah. harley, hpl.

    oo, and tomatoes. harley, hpl and tomatoes.

    and beer.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Must admit i am a huge fan of your eccentric uncle...

    I am not sure if money, power or prestige would change the way i live, i think i would still be the same old bloke...

    By the way I am more than happy to take the old runnabout off your hands when you get tired of it.

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  34. I cannot believe anyone would NOT recognize all of the photos. It's not like you picked pop references that no one would get, otherwise they wouldn't be POP references!

    I don't deign to comment on the state of other people's lives - I have too much to do with my own. I will venture to say that most people are more alike than they think, regardless of stature. Or status.

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  35. **If I am not mistaken the 'cousins' are brothers from downunda. Maybe one of them was your flasher?

    LOL haha I know! maybe one of em was the flasher...if u didnt crop the bottom half of the pic, I'd be able to tell that for sure ROFL!

    Keshi.

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  36. me!!! me!!! pick me!!!

    ReplyDelete

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