Saturday, April 21, 2007

Lookin’ back on the track…
The vast majority of men HATE going to the Doctor and I am certainly no exception. For the most part, as long as the majority of our aging systems are functioning we will avoid any encounters with the Medical Profession.

Through no fault of my own, my presence on Earth is hidden deep within the mammoth ink blob on the Demographic Charts known as the Baby Boom. Simultaneously reviled and regaled as the greatest/worst thing to ever happen to Western Civilization. EVER!

I was born in ’57 which is smack dab in the latter days of the rabbit-like reproductive efforts (’46-’64 US & ’66 Canada) that was spawned by the completion of the Second World War and the ensuing optimistic myopia that the Future was ‘All Good” and the bounty of the Earth was inexhaustible.

For their efforts our Parents received unbelievable increases in the value of their homes (a small price to pay for enduring Rock N Roll, Feminism, Racial Equality, and Environmentalism) thanks to the demand created by 8M Boomers in Canada and 70M in the States.

If you are interested to see how long it will take to finally be rid of us, once and for all, you can check out this link to the Baby Boomer Death Counters

http://www.boomerdeathcounter.com/canada.htm.

Anyway, since I am about to hit the big ‘FIVE O’ this year I must somehow convince my Identity Manager (who is maybe about 35/36 tops!) that my CPU needs a check up and cleaning.

I have noticed that my ‘Browser’ somehow deletes all of my temporary files. That is why I have no idea where my keys are or what I am supposed to remember about next Weekend.

OK so what if I can’t remember what is happening right now I can still whip out obscure bits of trivia on demand..well for others…if ‘I’ try to remember something FORGET IT but if my Sister phones me and asks me for an eight letter name for a Monotreme that ends in an S, lo and behold, out pops
P l a t y p u s.

I thought that my browser would clog up in my 70s or 80s, long after I had my Driving priviledges revoked, 3rd Quadruple Bypass Surgery (known as a Procedure), and my vanity driven ‘testicle tuck’ for all the Ladies at the Viagra Nursing Home.

C’mon now, in a couple of years the aging Baby Boomers will be rounded up and warehoused in giant Nostalgia Centres. There they can pharmacologically ‘Tune In and Turn On’ (relive the 60s and 70s) until they finally ‘Drop Out’!

Statistical forecasts predict that there will be about 2 Million Groovy Gals for every surviving Cool Cat and ‘ya ’gotta love’ them odds.

Which brings me to my final observation?

I think that it is safe to assume that aging men aren’t concerned with their “browser’ dumping files. Obviously doddering, old, farts can easily function with severely limited reasoning abilities.

Evidently they can manage a Corporation or even be President!
So stop wasting time on Neuroscience..pfft!

Men can ignore a myriad of physical and mental deficits for decades but if something goes askew with their Hydraulics they panic and show up at their Doctor’s Golf Course or even at their Home in the middle of the night.
So it’s not the ‘Browser’ it’s the ‘Schnauzer’.

“Lookin’ back on the track,
For a little BLUE pill.
‘Gotta find,
just the kind,
For loosin’ my mind.”

31 comments:

  1. Reading this, it occurred to me that my friend Sharon (born '65), and her mother Eileen (born '48) are both, technically, baby boomers.

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  2. Yep! You da stats man,man

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  3. andrea,
    Sharon is an uber boomer!

    dinahmow
    Stats the way
    uh huh uh huh
    Ilike it it
    uh huh uh huh!

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  4. Lookin' for some happiness
    But there is only loneliness to find
    Jump to the left, turn to the right
    Lookin' upstairs, lookin' behind, yeah!

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  5. Its called middle age H.E. On Friday I went out to do the shopping TWICE and got all the way there BOTH times only to discover I had left my purse at home. It was a 50 minute round trip each time. Third times a charm.

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  6. I don't want to fill your heart with fanciful notions, I just want to comment.

    Now, what was I going to say again?

    Testicle tuck?

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  7. 3.7% down 96.3 percent to go before my generation gets a word in:)

    Simplest way to get the system back on line, jiggle your cord a few times.

    Although i can see many great reasons to clear the history (or selected parts), now its getting the images off the other servers...

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  8. With all this talk of jiggling cords I feel that, as a female,I don't have much to offer here.

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  9. I have no idea what you are talking about!
    So HTFU!

    Oh and pass me that beer!

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  10. i look forward to old age, there's too much stuff to remember these days anyway
    yep, idling around in a old peoples home groping nurses between plates of mashed-up whatever, that's how i want to die and it's comforting to know I probably will.

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  11. those odds won't help you, all us aging groovy gals are booking in our toyboys now

    ::smiles smugly::

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  12. Great comment Ziggi, where do I book one of those?

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  13. mj,
    Out of sight in the night out of sight in the day,
    Lookin' back on the track gonna do it my way.

    Lookin' back on the track for a little little green bag,
    Got to find just the kind or I'm losin' my mind,
    Alright.

    Pa pa pa pa pa pa ....

    angel without wings,
    HA!
    As Yogi Berra said,
    "It's déjà vu all over again!"
    Been there and DONE that far too many times.

    without notions,
    It's only fair that the guys have a little 'work' done to make ourselves more attractive...by the time we're ancient and warehoused in the 'Home', Men won't be valued by how much money we make(FINALLY)

    Nope, by then the not-so-fussy-anymore old ladies will looking for a fling with someone who
    A can provide the LEAST disturbing assault on any of their remaining senses and
    B will hopefully not 'break' something or expire during their low-speed encounter and
    C would manage to find their way back to their own room unassisted

    aidan,
    HAHAHA! You seem to know quite a bit about this.
    I'm sorry but you will be stuck with us Boomers for most of your life but the old ex-Hippys will be gone in a decade or so and then you just have ex-Yuppys to contend with.

    lee,
    What about the music that they'll have blaring in the Old Folks Homes for the Boomers..you won't be hearing Johann Strauss played quietly somewhere in the Dog-Hearing range,
    it will be Steppenwolf blasting through gigantic JBLs so that they can hear it!

    steve,
    Ya Right!
    De-Nial ain't some river in Egypt buddy..you know exactly what I'm talkin' about.
    So Lighten-TFU!

    jolietjake,
    Mmmm mashed food! Curvy Nurses are going to have to drop buckets of Salt Peter on all of the food to help control all of those Dirty Old Men who get the Orderlies to sneak in Viagra...that will be the next war on drugs.

    ziggi,
    You cut me deep Shrek!
    Way to let the air out of my balloon..
    now I have nothing to look forward to..other than living in Flashbacks (WO!)
    I'l phone my financial adviser and tell her to cancel my lifetime supply of Viagra..and stop putting money aside every month for the 'tuck'.

    angel without wings,
    Oh great, not you too!

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  14. I lost a lot of memory due to malware abuse during the DOS days so now I have to carry an external hard drive around.

    I thought the platypus was the ONLY living monotreme, but I was wrong. More deleted files,I suppose...

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  15. Darn boomers and darn their majority voting power! Present company excepted, of course. ;)

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  16. Control? Alt? Deli? "I'll take Hamm on 5, hold the Mayo." Anyone know how to reboot this thing?

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  17. HE u still have a very long way to to go b4 u can be officially called 'OLD'. ok??

    OLD to me means being old at heart. In that case Im always a child :)

    Keshi.

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  18. Go YOU mate, don't fret, just make sure you get your check ups at the doc's, unless you don't wanna know what new pills replace Viagra int eh near future :)

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  19. Interesting post HE. I always wonder why Americans and Canadians plan for "the" nursing home. I suppose with all the elderly who end up becoming their children's worries it may be a good idea. Sometimes I wonder whether a society whose elderly plans on being cared for by an institution is so much better than those whose families change their lifestyle to accomodate the oldest or dying memebrs, care for them until their passage. I once took care of an elderly man brought to the ER for SOB (shortness of breath) during the holidays. His family did not want to deal with him and the nursing home was half-staffed because of vacations. The elderly patient used to be the president of a prestigious university. I looked at him and wondered how many people surrounded and adored him during his prime and during the time when he was supposed to rest on his laurels, no one wanted him. I just wanted to plant something in that active brain of yours. You have a knack for churning out stats.

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  20. allan,
    I E-chid-n'ya not!
    Ouch!.
    That may well be my worst pun EVER!

    stace,
    Blogger Casandra Devine,29,thinks that Boomers should commit suicide (Voluntary Transitioning at age 70 according to a book called Boomsday by Chridtopher Buckley.
    Last year I prognosticated that in the future there will be Drive-Through Recycling Stations for people to drop off their Boomer Parents...good luck getting rid of us.

    breakerslion,
    Continuing with my wreckless bad pun spree

    The 'Lion' DOS protest too much, methinks.

    Hey! Thanks for rebooting the Airplane references..I just read a great list of the best Movie Spoofs and Airplane! was of course right up there with Dr Strangelove, Blazing Saddles, Spaceballs, Young Frankenstein, Princess Bride, Naked Gun, Shaun Of The Dead, Austin Powers and Mars Attacks.
    You can watch these over and over and over...

    keshiroo,
    Oh Yeah! I am not old but tell that to my body..it just doesn't 'snap back' the way it used to...that's annoying.
    Mentally I'm somewhere between 8 and 33 but physically I'm in between 49 and 149.

    cazzie,
    I don't wanna go to the Doctor in case he does find something wrong..I'd rather not know and just drop than waste away worrying about when. I like surprises.

    ces,
    North America has been 110% Youth Oriented for over half a Century because of the Baby Boomers which leads me to believe that it will soon be centered on those same Golden Oldies...you can see the effects already during the 70s TV sports was all Tennis and Skiing and now it's Golf and Curling.
    We are a 'Disposable' Society and that Go Go Go Atitude was passed on to the next generation so the Boomers will Reap what they have sown.

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  21. Are you by any chance sending us all to doctors? Have the doctors hired you to do their PR job?


    PS: I think you must have learnt to spell my name correctly by now.

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  22. You think being a boomer is bad, try being at the beginning of Gen-X!

    Ya know, we're not arsed to do anything more than play Nintendo.
    I'm not sure if we're ignorant or apathetic.
    I don't know and I don't care.


    LOL!

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  23. Hi Homey! Can't think of one intelligent thing to comment about since it has all been covered in previous comments so here is a stock tip: invest in nursing homes, funeral homes/crematoriums and cemetaries 'cause we boomers are on our way!

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  24. LOL @149! cmon HE :)

    Keshi.

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  25. Dr Strangegrumble10:09 p.m.

    All my tubes and wires in dishevelment, and I can't find anything! (though I'm just as likely to put on Mary Chapin-Carpenter)

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  26. gautami,
    No I'm not working for Doctors but I did invest a lot of money in Viagra stock!
    It can only go up!

    blazingfyre,
    Gen Xer..allow me to play Chopin's Funeral March..
    da da da-da daaa da da...
    I am so sorry that you never had one new 'thing' developed for your generation EVER!

    No segment of Society will be pushing harder to legalise Drive-Thru Euthanising Depots for the Boomers than your group and I don't blame you.

    kindness,
    Right you are the Death Business will be BOOMING for the next 40 years..and even longer if the Fountain of Youth is discovered.

    keshi,
    I'm serious today I feel 149..OK parts of me feel 149..only my brain is still functioning somewhere between 8 and 36.

    grumblove,
    He thinks he'll keep her!
    You had better untangle your dangle. Believe me it will make a 'vas deferens' later on in life!

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  27. I can see how that would work really, the not wanting to know, just living life and enjoying it day by day..yeah. I can :)

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  28. cazzie,
    De-Nile ain't just a river in Egypt. If you love surprises it's the only 'way-to-go'!

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  29. perspective inc12:05 p.m.

    Hhahaha!! wouldn't it be interesting to see how the years unfold?

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  30. perspective,
    Now we Boomers DEMAND to live forever but
    "when we were young and on our own"
    we sang,
    "Hope I d-d-d-die before I get Old!"

    Methinks Le plus ca change...

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  31. dude- this was very funny! luckily us gals never have to worry bout the little blue pill... unless our significant other's decide to invest in it!
    i think you need only start worrying when you can't think of "platypus" anymore!

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