I have spent the past 4 days composing this frickin' ALPHABET MEME that Blogger vaporised into the ether. The old ones had all sorts of heartbreaking personal information and fun pictures of my kids but c'est la vie....
now I am sitting here wondering how to get to Blogger Headquarters so that I can get my pound of flesh. I just know that some pimply little bastard is playing Warcraft instead of fixing the fricin' server!
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 *sigh.
This is the fifth time attempt ((sigh)) so I decided to do ISMs.
I thought that ISMs were all BAD but there are a few GOOD ISMs....
Altruism-a language unknown to politicians and spin doctors
Bruxism-grinding your teeth at night because of Blogger
Criticism-those who cannot do a 'thing' dispense their Schandenfreude upon those who try
Darwinism-voted the most influential man in History on the Biography Channel poll
Existentialism- best describes Blogging because we create our own being
Frotteurism-my word of the day, it means to rub against an unconsenting person ((eewww!))
Gradualism-polite term for the glacial pace at which humans reluctantly adapt to reality
Homo Escapeonism-foolishly giggling to yourself while poking the
Cosmological Crocodile in the eye with a stick from the safety of your tippy canoeIntellectualism-reviled pie-in-the-sky myth guaranteed to bring laughs at my weekly DENSA meetings
Jingoism-movement to brainwash the masses through advertising jingles (why I never listen to the radio)
Keynesianism-JMK invented the make work project and governments have never looked back
Legalsim-preferred doctrinal stance of all dominionists...
Mercy Schmercy! What's grace?
Malaproprism-think Princess Bride "I don't think that word means what you think it means"
Narcissism-rhymes with arse and is usually accompanied with term bastard
Optimism-what I have in spades believing that Blogger will publish this today
Priapism - the presence of a persistent, usually painful, erection of the penis unrelated to sexual stimulation or desire, that can last from several hours up to a few days ((OUCHEE!))
Q know what? There are no Q-isms
Raelism-a belief that Aliens will forgo eons of extensive anal probing data and instead start cloning humans and bring world peace..Get Rael!
Solipsism-one's own perceptions are the only thing that can be known with certainty..
like you people really exist..DUH!
Tribalism-society divided by smaller hostile units hellbent on destroying each other, like American Politics
Uniformitarianism-groups like Hutterites and Girl Guides who want everyone to wear costumes
Vampirism-Oh My Goth! Bite Me!
Witticism-association of ideas in an unusual manner that produces surprise and pleasure-two words, Oscar Wilde
Xenocentrism-preference for someone else's culture-rampant in Canada
Yellow Journalism-newspapers used to train and housebreak Puppys
Zeppelinism-aka Manateeism: funniest tribute to the infamous report of a tragedy, ever.
hey he! very impressive, clever, original and so-you meme. my impression of you is that you are appropriately cynical but with an undercore of mush and optimism. and joy for life. (the limits of blogging--you;d think i can easilyspell this in french but damn it, i can't right now!).
ReplyDeletei didn;t know the ages of your kids before. i'll bet you guys have a wild and interesting time in your household.
here's my "ism": truism. if it's true, i accept it. then i'm ready for action, for or against.
(am i making sense? probably not any more than normal)
:)
kj,
ReplyDeleteAlthough I love to kvetch and exhibit schandenfreude at every opportunity I cry like a baby during mushy scenes in Movies (and even TV Commercials dammit) but don't tell anyone.
I am in the final year of my stay-at-home Dad term and I spend every evening chauffering the older kids from work or University...plus I am on call to retrieve and escort them from gatherings or establishments where 'designated drivers' are always suspect...a far cry from my teen years in the 70s.
I have what I term nagging optimism about the future and for the most part in entails our species inadvertently improving by osmosis and pure dumb luck...since we refuse to accept most Jeffersonian self evident truths.
Sorry that it took me so long to comply but as Homer succinctly stated (not the Greek Philosopher the more influential Homer)
"Ya but what are you gonna do!"
Qism
ReplyDeleteBilqas Qism Awwal, Egypt
It is also an acronym for Quantum Inverse Scattering Method (QISM)
Qism is also an acronym for Quakerism or Conservative Quakerism
There is qism.blogspot.com
I probably shouldn't be surprised but Wiki has a short list of isms:
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Isms
Favorite ism? Humanism, I guess, though I doubt I have enough optimism to be a humanist.
Fun memee HE. But look what you've started... I'll be trolling online dictionaries for isms all afternoon.
The super sekrit password is: pwdwt :)
laura e,
ReplyDeleteThat's just f#@*$n' great!
Now what..I'm supposed to 'research' stuff before I blog about it...pfft..like anybody is ever going to check up on anything that we post..HA!
Why do you think bloggin' is more popular than journalism? 'Cause we don't have to "back up" our "information" with so-called "facts" and authentic "sources".
Sheesh.
I always thought "waste of time" would best describe what we do as bloggers...no? ;)
ReplyDeleteSteve~
steve novak,
ReplyDeleteHush your mouth!
Waste 'o time?
We are changing the world (and our own minds)one post at a time.
"This ain't rock n roll
this is blogocide!"
Lurrved your rendition of the inner complexities of Cub Life..let's kill piggy!
It's sort of like
Lord of the Flies Lite.
For the record
ReplyDeleteMy V was Ventriloquism-
an incurable addiction to wedging your cranium into impossibly small Air Ducts to project your voice and make it appear to be coming from the next room.
I know it's pretty flippin'lame anyway
Heehee! You quoted the Princess Bride! That was the highlight of this post for me.
ReplyDeleteIt wasa lovely post and all, but I'd really like to see the original post - the one with all the heartbreaking personal information and family photos. Please? Pretty please?
Are you trying to tell us Blogger ruined your post? Are you typing your ideas on the post editor? Nononono! Always type your thoughts in a document first! You can always copy and paste, not to mention "save".
ReplyDeleteBlogger lost posts on me during publishing quite often, but I never had to start writing all over again!
Aidan,
ReplyDeleteIsn't that awesome!
I would love to find the charcter who came up with that...
and have a few puffs of whatever he/she was smoking.
anna,
Ah the Princess Bride..that was sooo funny...
inconceivable!
Perhaps one day soon I shall get the urge to bare my soul..
but it is so cold here that I don't feel like baring anything right now.
miss cellania,
That's why they pay you the Big Bucks!
You're a genius.
I am a hacker, in the old sense of the word, and obviously a slow learner.
Now when I go to edit a post all of the pictures are gone and all that I am left with is the text..
which is sometimes a previous draft???
Is it a conspiracy to drive me craaaazy?
You forgot THE Michaelism.......The transcendence of relevance.
ReplyDeleteNice job!
ReplyDeleteCan I borrow your brain for a bit?
I promise to give it back.
Although it might contain coffee stains and be missing a few cells, but heck!
lol- This is very creative.
ReplyDeleteI'm here bloghopping from Lady Wordsmith's blog.
(Blogger deserves a word beyond "ism" and I don't work for Typepad where I recently established a new site.)
Love your blog title/name BTW!
whoah- read your comment thread after I posted. What a fun roller coaster ride. Great sense of humor here.
ReplyDeleteAm bookmarking your site. My serious life needs this lightness, not to mention jokes about Princess Bride... ventroliquism (g1) and research.
BTW, this I did not Google, but if you think I'm pulling your leg you can check it out: "ism" is a legitimate word for Scrabble. I love word games but I don't make the rules because many other "words" like "aa" "tsk", and yiuuoeuroeutlkesd are words. (I made the last one up.)
Inconceivable!
ReplyDeleteIt's utterly inconceivable I say!
Inconceivable that "Q" didn't remind you how before Dubya and his Bushisms we suffered through Big Daddy Bush and those goshdang-funny-if-only-they-weren't-so-bloody-damned-embarassing Quaylisms!!
Ever yours
~Lady
Priaprism, eh? Comes in handy,
ReplyDeletefor Boxer's Day parades and other jingoistic pastimes that call for
standard bearers. Keep in mind that
the purple pills ARE NOT aspirin, and eventually, the pain will subside. Humanitoba has its own
anthem, nicht wahr?;-)
Well I don't know why you didn't include a reference to withinwithoutisms, but here's my fave:
ReplyDeleteHomo Escapeonism-foolishly giggling to yourself while poking the Cosmological Crocodile in the eye with a stick from the safety of your tippy canoe.
That is exactly what you do...
Tippy canoe, indeed. It works better to stay low...REAL low.
ReplyDeletemuchos kudos!
ReplyDeleteBlogger has been giving me fits lately too. I think it has something to do with switching to NuBlogger.
ReplyDeleteHere's a tip: write all your blog entries to MS Word (or even WordPad, if that's more your speed) and save them there. Then, if Blogger vaporizes your prose, you can retrieve it easily.
I found this out the hard way when leaving comments.
Copy and Paste is a wonderful thing.
love this post!
ReplyDeleteI think im a HE too!
//Homo Escapeonism-foolishly giggling to yourself while poking the Cosmological Crocodile in the eye with a stick from the safety of your tippy canoe//
THE Michael,
ReplyDeleteThe transcendence of relevence is an accurate description for pretty much everything that I scribble here...most of this mental masturbation is so that my brain can see what the other half of it is thinking since I partitioned my cranial soft drive.
awaiting,
You most certainly can borrow my brain but I will need it back in the Spring when I venture back out of doors.
green eyed lady,
ISM she lovely,
ISM she wonderful..
hope you like Stevie Wonder.
Thanks for all of the kind words I zipped over and listened to you..
very cool...
tres moderne! Do come again.
la femme wordsmith,
Dan spells po-ta-toe,
I spell po-tat-o,
He spells to-ma-tow,
I spell to-ma-to
Let's call the who
le thing off.
What is he up to these days?
Poor bastard..he never got a fair shake.
grumbleena
HAHAHA
Wiser words were never spoken..do they have many boner parades in your neck of the woods?
I will strongly consider your advice about the fancy asprins..
I always wondered why I felt like a million bucks after I took them?
within earwax,
I am deeply sorry and my remorse is about to catapult me into a substantial shame spiral ..will that suffice?
Brian,
Actually Hippos kill more people travelling in watercraft throughout Africa but it didn't go with cosmological...besides I like
gun-a-bobbing!
brooklyn frank,
I promise to use the term muchos kudos at every possible opportunity...I think that you are really on to something..despite what your blog reads I have no doubt that it will get traction..especially by '08 when the all important Spanish speaking vote will be romanced (lied to) ad nauseum.
ms. val,
You are obviously a pro and I feel bad that you didn't charge me..can I come over and wash your car or clean your gutters...
let's barter..OH! and then we can start to dicker.
ghosty,
You are totally HE material..
you gotta have a little fun because Life is like all of the good rides at the Fair: short and full of surprises and usually ends with a sudden stop..
he, i have nagging optimism too. so i like you for this, and i like you for all your dad duties. you and ww are good guys. can you figure out how to pull the u.s.out of iraq and/or whether ww thinks i have a serious crush on him?....
ReplyDelete:)
Homo Escapeons? That's one type of homo I've never encountered before, but I expect we're still cousins. Your picture of Darwin is tasteful and appropriate. He was the great father of primate brotherhood, may his soul rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteI give you A+...:D
ReplyDeletekj.
ReplyDeleteWw may or may not suspect that you have a life alterning-obssesive-restraining order level crush on him because he is such a ninny.
If I were you I wou keep fueling your little fantasy until the voices in your head tell you exactly what to do.
He's kinda cute.
gorilla bananas,
OOh OOh AAh AAh!
Which of course translates to how nice of you to drop by. We would still be living in the Dark Ages were it not for the triumph of Chuckie Darwin...
although many escapeons still refuse to accept the fact that their DNA (and behavior) is 98.6% the same as that of our first cousins..
the muderous tribal warriors the Chimpanzees
and the sex crazed Bonobos!
gautami,
A+ Wow I am running home to show my Mom!
You are in high spirits today did your Blogger start working again? I don't know if you read the comments but the MSSSSessss,
miss cellania and ms val,
both displayed shock and awe at my primordial method of posting...
"Always type your thoughts in a document first! You can always copy and paste, not to mention "save"."
"write all your blog entries to MS Word (or even WordPad, if that's more your speed) and save them there. Then, if Blogger vaporizes your prose, you can retrieve it easily"
It is a brave new world gautami.
Well, as you continue to regale us with stories of North Dakota, $1.49 shirts, and the Loaf & Jug the tips will keep coming.
ReplyDeleteDeal?
ms val,
ReplyDeleteYippeee!
Hey speaking of North Dafrickinkota,
now the USA is sending up those unmanned drones to fly over us and monitor any suspicious shopping habits????
Seriously it is part of the new border patrol..I guess they are watching for any two ton trucks rolling down the highway that have armed Taliban guys hanging out of the back??
Great post, HE!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed it very much!
Blogger...GRRRR!
Margie
Blogger jerked me around a while ago. My blog wouldn't show up on the dashboard and I began to panic. For some reason when I used Internet Explorer (I always use Firefox), it was there no problem. Is Bill Gates fucking with Blogger in an attempt to get me to switch to his IE? Perhaps...
ReplyDeleteI have seen Warcraft take over the odd life in my day, and I bet you're right. I bet it is the reason behind Blogger sucking so much in the past little while. Ha, I hate that game (for the record, I have never played it).
I am not sure why Darwin does not get the same amount of credit as a scientist as say, Einstein. I mean, he has been just as influential, has he not? Doesn't seem fair.
HE - I'm in a state of utter....embarrassment over the song that you left for me- arrghhhh!!!....hahahahaha.....blushing... dying.....suffering from.....butcherism ;).
ReplyDeleteA person should not believe in an ISM, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in the Beatles, I just believe in me". Then again, John Lennon was the walrus. I could be the walrus, I'd still have to bum rides off people.
ReplyDeletemargie,
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing...wish I had some magical phrase to cheer you up with but you are one of the most positive people that I have ever met so pffft...
Blogger Schmogger..
there seems to be a lot of discontent out there and I guess we all have to wait it out...
Beta was a bust...
people are not too thrilled with the other one..
IF IT AIN'T BROKE!!!!!
andonalighternoteblogger,
GATES!!! You're prolly right...those bastards just have to monitor and record every single tap of your keyboard...they'rre worse than the CIA!
I have had a few people tell me to switch to firefox..hmmm....why not.
lee,
I'm glad that you're such a good sport..what a hoot eh?
I know that it isn't exactly Gordon Lightfoot but I simply could not resist! Sorry I'm still giggling...
stace,
KOO KOO KAJOOB!
Hoorah for ISMs!
Look we humans love classifying and categorizing everyone and everything so we came up with ISMs to put people in boxes...
and if you believe in an ISM then you are automatically some kind of IST!
It just never ends...
**Keynesianism
ReplyDeleteI thought that was abt me :)
Keshi.
keshiroo,
ReplyDeleteNo my dear that would be called Keshtarism, Keshism or
Keshiroowallawallabinbangism.
**Keshiroowallawallabinbangism
ReplyDeleteI like that wuteva that is LOL!
Keshi.