Tuesday, November 14, 2006

VALIDATING YOUR PARKING TICKET

Apparently we are the only species WHO wastes time thinking about WHY we are HERE and WHERE we are going WHEN we die.

Over the last 5,000 years homo escapeons have developed some elaborate designs on the the subject. The Egyptians may well have created Monotheism (although it didn't stick) and it was improved upon by the Hebrews and later revamped by the Christians and other groups who all claim to have the exclusive rights to the ultimate truth.

Today over half of all living humans prefer the idea of One God (although they don't agree on HIS name or format) while others prefer the 'green' recycling program of Reincarnation.
Far be it for me to tell you which is a better bet.

Today we are going to have a refresher course on the END OF DAYS or END TIMES.
The myriad of existing Protestant Christian Denominations disagree on the details (because they are competing for your soul and dollars) but the basic outline is something like this.

This fantastic scenario has been generously supplied thanks to the hard work and egregious misinterpretations of the Book_of_Revelation which has been revised over two millenia.


I lovingly referred to Revelation as the Book of EXIT-US while I walked the Earth as a Pentecontesticle (the apex believer) during the 80s..
and yes I was a sorry excuse for such a creature but I did do my homework on GENEsis and Exit-us.

Let us examine the program, and try to keep up, you don't want to get Left_Behind and miss the Rapture!


A. Ever since the creation of Israel in 1948 the Dispensationalists have been sitting on on pins and needles. This was the greatest sign that the Last Days were at hand. One thing that you should note is that atleast 70 Million Evangelical Americans support Israel's existence for this very reason.

B. If you wake up one day and notice that all of the 'real' Christians are gone you are in trouble. You missed the Rapture. Oh sure there will be 3.5 years of world peace courtesy of the Antichrist but the next 3.5 are brutal!

C. The Antichrist will arise out of some Euorpean Organisation (talk about the ultimate white-male-euro-guilt-trip!) and Satan is locked up for one thousand years of Peace on Earth..it's all good...and then???

D. Satan is inexplicably released for one last kick at our cans!? Well all of this ends with the FINAL Judgement (Thank GOD!) and then the New Earth is formed.

Now you may or may not believe this (millions do) so hopefully you are living your lives accordingly and covering all of the bases.

The whole scheme of things certainly seems like a lot of extra work for GOD when HE could have destroyed Satan before he rebelled but then this is a moot point because GOD knew that Satan was going to be doing all of this before GOD created Satan!

In a nutshell this entire plan was developed for your benefit. It is all about your precious free will so don't squander it like all of those millions of people throughout history who were tortured and killed for believing the wrong thing!

Please be mindful of the fact that this topic is near and dear to many. That being said I remember the words of another John, John Lennon, who said,

"Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me."

In the end worrying about making 'Last Call' (the Rapture) shouldn't supercede imitating all of the Love Thy Neighbour and Turning The Other Cheek messages. I somehow think that saying "Neener" or "See I told you so" isn't very *productive.

This End Times mindset (the 400 pound Gorilla in the room that we politely ignore) combined with the love of Money, Oil and Power, are at the very heart of the War in Iraq thanks in part to the most openly religious President in modern history.

*It should be noted that the rest of us won't be able to see you gloat if we are stuck down here anyway!

23 comments:

  1. lol, great post. Brings back a lot of childhood memories and fears induced by a Catholic education! :)

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  2. angela,
    Well apparently you are the only person brave enough to scurry across this minefield..so thank you.
    I understand that the Catholic tradition is to treat this subject as 'none of your business' and that very little is taught to the masses during mass...
    it is on a need to know basis and if you must know you can just ask a Priest for forgiveness for being so nosey.

    Speaking as a former pentecontestical,I must admit that we pretty much had it all figured out and were therefore comfortable being at the top of the Christian Food Chain.

    I must CONFESS that untold hours of enjoyment were provided at the expense of Catholics and their preoccupation with the eternally virginal Mother..(a hold out from former Mediterranean religious practices and the direct result of ancient Pagan Myth and tradition)..worshipping the virgin was harder to figure out than the Trinity because according to Protestant tradition (afterall we did have a different Bible) Yeshua had 4 brothers and 2 sisters!

    Indeed the prospect of even seeing many Catholics hovering beside us during the Rapture was questioned and discussed ad nauseum...
    a view that perplexed me since my Catholic Grandparents were excellent examples of generous devout 'Christian' salt of the Earth type folks..
    who didn't waste any of their time wondering about who was good enough to get raptured.

    One of our favorite oxymorons was Catholic Theologian...as it was assumed that all of the thinking was done for you and written on a Papal Bull..another great term.

    Ah yes..those were heady days...
    Look at me MA, I'm on top of the World! nya nya

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  3. Holy eschatological smokes Batman...people really are staying away from this one. Their feeling is probably much like mine. You have given up hoping long ago that you are part of the "this generation shall not pass away before..." la de da de da. Now we are regrouping and trying to find new footing. But there's always that little voice isn't there (get thee behind me Satan) "you don't want to be left behind, do you?"

    The organization is perfectly established isn't it? It is self sustaining because it cannot be refuted by logic. It claims an illogical premise. Any attack can be brushed aside as a lack of faith.

    Whomever started all of this was way smarter than anyone else around. It's a good way to keep the hunters and gatherers in line.

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  4. Good song, but doesn't that lead singer look as though he's about 10 years old?

    I can see why you haven't gotten many responses, I think. It is not easy stuff on first glance.

    But I think you've got it perfectly right, and the biggest laugh came about missing the Rapture.

    How many times have they forecast it and it never happened? Didn't you tell me seven or eight?

    Nuff said.

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  5. brian,
    This is all your fault for getting me started on this!
    Anyway, people are staying away in droves because there isn't much wiggle room on this one. It is either ludicrous or absolute reality.
    I tried to weasel in the fact that the entire Middle East Policy is predicated on this notion but what are you gonna do?
    Didn't you like my old graphics...I always thought that they were great teaching aids.
    Oh well...NEXT!

    within,
    Yes different groups have sold their belongings and waited on the end of their driveways...and waited...and waited and then had to go and buy another house.
    Anyway, if all of a sudden one day (in the twinkling of an eye)people just disappear then you had better bend over and kiss your ass goodbye pal because you just missed the Rap...............
    .............................
    ............................
    ............................

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  6. http://www.rr-bb.com/index.php

    These people are deeply disturbed. Read at your own risk.

    I'm confuzzled... the Rapture happens before the AntiChrist comes along? And, 1,000 years of peace is a bad thing?

    This "End Times" mentality I associate with Protestantism, not Catholism. I guess I didn't pay enough attention in Religious Education classes.

    "you don't want to be left behind, do you?"

    If there is going to be 1,000 years of peace, why not?

    Bush replaced booze and drugs with god. One of many reasons to impeach the moron. Frankly, I think Bush resembles what the AntiChrist is supposed to be. But we're long past the 3.5 year mark.

    You sure it's 3.5?

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  7. My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!
    Read My Inaugural Address
    My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman

    ReplyDelete
  8. The first time I saw the Rapture car stickers that say: "When the Rapture comes this car will be empty!" I was amazed at the sheer STUPIDITY of the person driving. Now I'm grateful for the NOTICE that they are freaks. I appreciate that they are letting me know to AVOID them at ALL COST.

    So like, I love the bumper stickers that read: "When the Rapture comes, can I have your car?"

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  9. Since God knows all, you are either already booked for the final flight out or you're not, so no sense in worrying about it. The way I look at it, a predestined chess game that can't be lost is a silly way for an omnipotent being to occupy his time with. If people could just ignore both of these players as totally irrelevent to them, and not suffer some devine consequence, now THAT would be free will! I have no desire whatsoever to have anything to do with a supposed good guy creator loves me so much he'd burn my soul for all eternity, or his alter-ego, the so very evil dude who loves really hot baths. If God has a bone to pick with one of his angels who stood up to him, then leave ME out of it! I wish I could get Bob to go kick this dude's ass, but instead I'll just settle for his assurance that the universe isn't so petty as to have such a big baby playing with it.

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  10. laura elizabeth,
    Apparently the Antichrist is held back from coming to power because of the 'real' christians..once they are raptured there is nothing on Earth that can stop him.
    He will explain their sudden disapearnace and unite the world under his rule for 7 years (the first three are peaceful)..until he proclaims himself GOD!
    Then he is defeated along with his sponsor at the battle of Armaggendon by the returning Jesus and the Devil is bound for one thousand years and mysteriously escapes for the final judgement.

    Can you here Schwarzennegger muttering..."Ind auf Dayze!"

    secret rapture,
    WO! I visited your expansive all encompassing summation..and I must confess that you have been very busy!
    Obviously you have put a great deal of thought into the matter and quite frankly I am stunned at the scope and magnitude of your vision!
    I will have to go back and let it purcolate through my finite mind again but WO!

    tidalgrrrl,
    I know what you mean. It would be a bonanza for the rest of us to move up in the car market...and housing market too. Maybe there is an upside to living through the tribulation...it would be more interesting to see who WOULDN'T make it! A lot of self professed right hand men would probably be in for a big surprise.

    THE michael,
    Holy Anthrpormorphic Rant!
    That is a very interesting point. The whole pissing match using people as pawns does seem oddly below the ideal of a Creator of the Universe.
    Of course the old argument about free will being the most valuable commodity in the galaxy comes back into play as the whole point of it all. That jealous god thing does seem pretty thin..surely there would have to be more to it?
    Oh well you are right..your Calvinist predestination instincts ring true..there is no point in worrying about it..you are either in or out...and as Yogi Berra, or was it Sam Goldwyn, once said,
    "Include me out!"

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  11. Anonymous4:28 p.m.

    Favorite songs? Hmm. I could list them, but they would mean nothing to you I'd imagine.

    I think my mom and dad would probably say most of their favorite musicians are from the US/UK as well.

    Thankfully, if you were to go into a Universtity or high school in Canada right now (or just ask your own kids), I think you'd find that a lot of our favorite artists are actually Canadian. We're making great music right now.

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  12. LOL u write too damn well HE!

    BRB = Be Right Back

    haha not BBQ!


    AB ur comment is in the wrong post lol so sweet!


    I personally feel it's sheer stupidity to believe in an eternal life when we havent seen one with our own eyes. I prefer to concentrate on this life cos thats all I can see. Seeing is believing. Atleast for me.

    Keshi.

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  13. keshi,
    Well that is a practical empirical viewpoint that I cannot argue against. My biggest problem is un-doing all of the guilt laden religious ideas of my youth...ghosts in the machine so to speak..I've come a long way and hopefully I will be free from all of my superstions some day...I'm at about 98.6%..

    if you stop writing about ghosts I can eliminate that last little bit!!!BOO!

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  14. 1.4% of doubt isnt gonna make u a fanatic so chillax lol!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  15. homo escapeons:

    Thank you for your kind comments on my site. I agree there is a lot to digest there, but I do hope you revisit it.

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  16. keshiroo,
    Do you promise not to write about ghosts anymore..hmmm?
    I want to be a FUNatic not a fanatic.

    secret rapture,
    Like Douglas MacArthur "I shall return"
    Hey SR have you ever heard of the BOOMER BIBLE?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boomer_bible
    this is right up your alley!

    Keep fighting for your right to think for yourself and quit making the rest of us look so lazy!

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  17. i love reading other people's opinions- being a there and back again kinda person... but i am a christian, and i hope to hell i'm gone when the rapture happens!

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  18. angel,
    If it happens I am positive that you will! Thanks for turning the other cheek.

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  19. In Hinduism, I see too much stress laid out on rebirth. In oreder to attain oneness with God, one has to follow the right path or else one will end up as one of the lower creatures in the next one.

    Though we have millions of Gods according to Hindu Tradition but they all merge into one. So finally we have one god. Do we? I wouldn't know. Nor am I interested.

    You rightfully ask, why do we need to know who we are, where are we going etc etc. I used to ask myself that all the time. Now I stopped doing it. It is better to just go on.

    Sorry for ranting on your post. But I couldn't stop myself.

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  20. keshhhhhhhhhhhhh,
    OK!

    gautami,
    Good advice..since we cannot know until it is too late we might as well concentrate on the proverbial things that we can change..ourselves.
    That is hardly ranting. I always appreciate your input g.

    ReplyDelete

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