THAT'S A BIG IF OJ!
North America is reeling from the stunning anouncement that societal pariah OJ Simpson, aka Diddy Do It and Diddit, has written a book entitled
IF I DID IT.
Aside from those 12 dumbass jurors selected for OJs 'Trial Of The Century' in 1995, the rest of the world is convinced that he murdered his wife Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman in 1994.
A civil court found OJ guilty in 1997 and he subsequently moved to Florida to avoid paying the $33.5 Million judgement.
Not to be outdone, another 'innocent' man is crawling out of the woodpile with a 'who me?' book to cash in on the latest trend.
Adolf Hitler, now 114 years old and living in Paraguay, is releasing his own 'work of friction' entitled
Iffen Ich Did Zat?
Here is a*Yiddish reference guide for any of the following terms highlighted in blue that you may not be familiar with....
Apparently Mr. Hitler is sick of being seen as a zhlub and an alter cocker and he is determined to rid himself of all this bobbemyseh and ready to set the record straight.
Accused of causing the deaths of over 50 million people worldwide, Mr. Hitler emphatically denies that he started World War II.
"Vot iffen ich did zat", Hitler writes,
" Oy gavalt I vood haff vaited oontil I hat za hatomik bumb!
Itz hok a chainik!
You zink dat Ich es meshuggina?
Ich did gornisht, I know nuzzing"
Mr. Hiler's first book, Mein Kvetch, was immensely popular in pre War Germany and is still enjoyed by white supremicists, serial killers and various nutjobs around the globe.
Apparently Mr. Hitler has been running a four star hotel for the past 61 years, DER NEENERHAUS, with his wife Eva Braun and several partners.
After years of feeling ver clempt about his name being sullied mit schmutztik and tired of historians portraying him as a schmendrick or luftmensch, he decided to fight back with a literary zetz.
"Vhy zhud I take ziss up meinen tuches?
Einen not zum momzer, gonif, putz or fershtinkiner mit einen loch in mein kop. Zee whole zing es fercoct!"
Longtime partner and Head Chef at the Hotel, Mao Zedong , now aged 113, is also contemplating writing a book to clear his name of the estimated 40-60 million countrymen that he is reputed to have eliminated during his 'great leap forward'.
Hitler's other partner, former Hospitality Manager 'Uncle Joe' Stalin, who passed away at the age of 100 during a cocaine fueled orgy in room #13 back in 1998, also left a manuscript that challenged historical notions that he decimated 20-60 million of his fellow soviet comrades with his so called 'tyrannical regime victimization program'.
The Publisher is considering releasing all three books within the next year if sales of OJ's big IF book achieves their lofty expectations..ONLY IN AMERICA!
Are you surprised?