Monday, May 08, 2006

Thank you Jerry frickin' Springer, Fear Factor and possibly That's So Raven, for lowering the pop culture bar so far down that it has passed through hell (which actually is at the center of the Earth) and is now well into Chinese soil! The direct effects of exposing the sheer hopelessness of being trapped on the lowest rung of the social ladder in an age of ubernarccissim and pseudolebrity has been cathartic for those watching in horror.

The mad scientists who discovered and presented the disturbing subspecies of Homo Escapeons;Springervolk man, have killed morning TV once and for all. These culture vultures, having picked clean what was left of the rotting carcass that was Daytime Americana, have inadvertently driven everyone with an IQ near or above room temperature, off of the idiot box (TV) and on to the Internet (or out for a walk?).

Seriously, this is ground zero for entertainment! Is it even possible to watch those bad actors, employed as down&outters by the Jerry Springer Show,...
A. waste all 15 Warholian minutes of their pseudofame by exposing sorry, weather beaten breasts that only light sensitive inmates released from months of solitary confinement would gawk at...or
B. portray trailor trash He-males engaging in fisticuffs and chair fights over a wayward toothless half ton Ho... or
C. add nuance upon nuance in their faux homosexual act as they cat scratch the bejezus out of each other (you bitch!)and mock each other's taste in footwear...

and all of the above at 8 o'clock in the mornin'! Those aren't real people are they? It would be pure folly, moot point really, to even discuss such televisual feasts such as Fear Factor or possibly That's So Raven, after having those images of Springervolk still loitering in your headspace...

Anyway,now people can turn off the tube, sit down with a cup of Joe, and start Bloggin and usin' their Noggin'. Ordinary human beings are free to expose, ridicule, cajole, exchange and celebrate ideas, ideals, dreams and ideologies in a self administered polite forum of cyber conversation.

Fran Leibowitz astutely pointed out that "the opposite of talking is not's waiting!" Unlike other forms of media, here in Blogville you cannot be interrupted or get a chair flung at you..thank goodness. You are forced to actually pay attention (atleast take a reasonable guess) as to what the others person is saying. You also have the opportunity to digest and evaluate the content before you shoot from the lip. You can even do a little research or even... gulp....change your mind about something (WHAT) before you launch your vitriolic scud-like response to defend your hubris.

Then again, you are free to launch at will, but you do so at your own risk. Be warned that you may suffer the stigma of being completely scorched (not pretty) in the after party atomosphere of the comment section. So do your homework! If you are a complete nuisance and a tedious idiot you will be dismissed, deleted and shunned by the host of the post.

Speaking of vitriol and hubris, this humble, open minded newbie can state without fear of contradiction, that he is delighted to have stumbled upon this venue to help others, just like you, combat vitriol and hubris. Besides, there's always the real world to fall back on if you get bored or deleted or shunned.

Let's face it, Homo escapeons(modern man) have two small ears, two little eyes and one huge mouth. The proper 2:1 operating ratio of those orifices requires no explanation.


  1. grumble7:55 p.m.

    I'm mystified by the hand of fate (or, maybe Mammon). Our local cable provider, visions of shekels
    dancing in their collective minds, decided to push both of the premium channels of into no-man's
    land, which would require more hardware to recapture. Instead, my
    viewing has dropped almost to nil,
    and since I'm still being billed for the now absent Sopranos,
    Bill Maher, and Deadwood, I'm thinking of punting the whole shebang out the
    window. I can honestly say that I
    have heard of the so-called reality
    shows and shlock factor talk shows,
    but have never seen a complete episode of any of the genres. The
    idea seems to be, keep lowering the
    standard, until TV itself no longer
    has any genuine information, or is
    disregarded universally- the internet is, at least for the moment, a much more varied source
    of amusement, if not corroborable
    information. People have so much
    stress now, that there's bound to
    be some media hotshot, all ready
    to roll out a 24x7 Ingredients channel, in which some vapid announcers read the lists of crap from the sides of cereal boxes, toilet paper rolls, and designer soup cans, around the clock. Maybe QVC will try this out- people are already demonstrating a complete inability to turn away, or turn it off, regardless of how primordial their viewing experience turns out. Jeezus, I wish I could afford a trailor! I'm gonna get me a "Piece
    o' the Rock", and crawl up under it.

  2. grumble
    thanks for giving this post such gravitas. I miss Billy Maher and Politically Incorrect. I had such hope for the future while it was on.
    I used to get so stressed watching the Sopranos..and I never did see f$#%%@ng Deadf%@#$ingWood but I heard that it was awesome.
    Take good care of yourself...


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