Tuesday, March 07, 2006


In a final rush to find funding for crap like miracle cures for every known cause of death, the Baby Boomers will no doubt invent drive-thru recycling stations, cleverly disguised as restaurants, to facilitate the physical and spiritual relocation of their penny pinching parents to the great hereafter!

Why not?
The Soylent Green Restaurant (Google Charlton Heston Films if you must) could help feed the Rest-Of-The-World with plump pensioners.

Forget the old fashioned send-off, the trillions of dollars wasting away in savings accounts need to be rescued and funerals are frickin expensive.

"Well, here's that fancy schmancy restaurant Dad..
Why don't you go in and find us a seat...
I'll find a place to park...OK..
watch your head Pop...
there is the entrance Dad...
yes that door....see those guys in the white suits...
they must be the cooks...
yes they do look happy to see you too..OK.....
Be there in a minute....Bye now.....

Please drive forward and collect your receipt..
Thank You and Have a Nice Day.

The great Demographic Dumpsite known as the Baby Boom is now forced to face the reckoning of imminent death. The real Boomers have hit 60 (like Mick Jagger) and even though most of them still have parents shuffling around somewhere, the media that has always catered to their every hiccough, will begin a mind numbing obssession with death!

It's hard to ignore this glut of hedonists because their sheer numbers have affected everything in our society from the current (unrealistic and unsustainable) real estate values to all of those crappy Hollywood remakes. As if that is not enough now society will be forced to prepare Boomers for the great unknown. So get ready for a deluge of spiritual psychobabble and supernatural malarchy about what is waiting for us in the afterlife. The Boomers will have to make death their own somehow!

Let's face it, the Boomers need to analyze and encapsulate their magnificent march to mediocrity so that all future generations can romanticise their 'reign of error'. Puh-leeze! Every aspect of the Boomers has been catalogued ad nauseum.

How could we forget:

WW2 to Wonder Years:
the GIs come home and everybody has a ton of kids as America eagerly maintains the Cold War for economic purposes. Pleasantville is embedded as the zeitgeist (spirit of the day) despite lingering annoyances like segregation.

Woodstock to Wall Street:
Entitled '50s consumerism produces '60s Hippys who accidentally transform society by tuning out with the novel concepts of sex, drugs and rock and roll. Unfortunately excessive self exploration through psychopharmaceutical methods succumb to reality in '68 with the assassinations of King and Kennedy.

Then the '60s WE generation turns into the '70s ME generation and the Neo Dark Ages engulf a Watergate Wasteland of Disco and Designer Jeans.

Greed becomes Good as the Hippy morphs into the '80s Yuppy and a pseudo Echo-Pleasantville emerges under the new I-Like-Ike father figure of Ronald (Raygun) Reagan.

Whoops! Then in the 90s with Daddy's cold war in the history section of the library, Globalisation, or global-isolation finally breaks through the veneer of the New World.

Oh oh. Now the Rest-Of-The-World wants to live in Pleasantville with all of the bells and whistles that the Boomers have taken for granted during the last fifty years. "Sorry Rest-Of-The-World but there just isn't enough EARTH for that to happen.

Could you maybe postpone this unpleasantness until we finish our freedom 55 early retirement. We're sort of busy right now waiting to inherit our parents accumulated wealth and then spending it on vacation homes.

Can you believe our parents actually saved money, GAWD! Hey if it wasn't for us our parents wouldn't have made all of that money in the first place!

We made our parents rich. Supply and Demand BABY! Lots of us and few of them. Plus all the Boomers got divorced so they had to find twice as many homes! Supply and Demand BABY!"

"It is a bummer that the Echo-Boomers or Gen-X-Y- Zers (whoever they are?) now have to pay $250,000 for a house that their grandparents bought for $15,000 in 1962 and their parents bought for $50,000 in 1982.

Oh well, when the Boomers start dying off, housing demand will collapse and homes will be affordable again."

The Boomers will continue to overcompensate themselves with Viagra, Vacation Homes, Visions and Vanity Plates for as long as it is medically possible. The next generations are faced with tidying up all of the nostalgic hyperbole, unfinished social restructuring and supersized global issues.

The year is 2020, in the dim light of their laptops, Gen Xers, Yers and Zers (whoever they are?)devise a strategy of their own for acquiring affordable housing, why reinvent the wheel, try one of these three time tested methods:

A.waiting for their Boomer parents to die (old school!)
B. warehousing their parents (nah)
C. recycling their Parents with something that they cooked up for the grandparents! It's humane, eco-friendly and politically correct. The Soylent Green Restaurant. Don't forget their convenient drive-thru, open 24 hours.

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