Final Summer re-run of '08 (Long Weekend eh) and the ensuing exchange in the Comments (26/09/06) was prolly the most fun that I ever had Blogging ((sigh)) and would be a perfect place to stop.

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
IS WAY OUT OF LINE!

No really..I mean literally.
I was looking at the map of the USA and it occured to me that their state lines are all wonky. This causes unnecessary stress in these troubling times.
Americans prefer straight highways, straight people and straight borders!

America needs some 'quiet time' anyway.
A chance to stop and think about what they are doing to the world. So why not start by cleaning up those crazy ass borders?

First of all look at Alaska...
HEL-LO ! Any idiot can see that it is part of Canada! Now that the Cold War is over we don't need the 'Merkins eyeballing the Ruskies so give it back you weiners.
*Not that we need any more land but it is the principle of the matter.


Now the Western part of the USA isn't terrible but I do have a few suggestions...
Straighten out the bottom border of Washington, and the east side of Oregon..they should both be a little more rectangular.
California is totally screwing Nevada with that diagonal line..
Give Me a Break Montanee, ..form a nice rectangle and chop off the end ..there is nobody living there anyway..Idaho is gettin' totally pooched!.

Utah, wtf is that little cheat at the top there..fix that...
New Mexico you get to go straight down on the right side all the way to Old Mexico...
North Dakota/South Dakota/Nebraska/Coloradee and Kansas that's about as good as it is gonna get and nobody cares anyway....
Oklahoma go right ahead and cut yourself a BIGASS piece from Texas.
Minnesota/Iowa/Missouri/Arkeesaw..whatever.....

Louisiana, you little weasel, give Mississippi all of that shoreline at the Gulf of Mexico..Oh crap that means that you get New Orleans ..aren't you lucky?

The rest of the map looks like it was a hallucinagenic speed-drawing done by an amateur Gynecologist on Day 6 of giving up smoking!
In fact the Eastern State Lines were decided upon by seriously drunk dudes dressed in white wigs who had no frickin clue that there was still about 3 million square miles of land available over to the left! What a mess.
I could have pulled a better map out of my ass!

There, that is my suggestion and it seems simple enough.
I certainly hope that Canada gets Alaska back because that is just plain rude!

YOU CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL

re-post from 28/06/08

In a rare glimpse into the inner workings of the White House the Press was invited to monitor the Security Council meeting.

President Bush:

"General, the Vice Presimadent has come up with a plan and we just wanted to run it up the flagpole for y'all.

If you will look up at the monitor we have an oddeo vizall presemantation...

Dick and I want to know if we have enuff Nukes to shuffle the deck in the Middle East?

Can we do this without damagin' Israel..

or dingin' up Turkey?"

General:

"Umm..not really Mr President."

Bush:

"Are you sure?"

General:

"Yes Sir, I am 100% certain."

Bush:

"DAMMIT!

How about Korea?

Could we just take out Bad Korea?"

General:

" Not really Sir."

Bush:

"Hell it's back to the drawin' board boys.

See y'all next week."

THE GARDEN OF EATIN'

PETA's slogan is "animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for entertainment."

Now I freely admit that I am all for rascally, farm, animals to romp around a sunny barnyard and spend what little time they have playing with their fuzzy and feathery friends.

But PETA crossed the line a few weeks ago when they likened the savage murder and subsequent beheading of a young man on a greyhound bus to the way that animals are processed..you can read about their strategic news release HERE.

How inf*ckingcredibly insensitive and stupid is that?

No, really?

I would love to see how founder Ingrid Newkirk and her cohorts would react if they were to re-enter the Food Chain. I wonder if they would still have the warm fuzzies for large, ferocious, predatory, carnivores, if they were dropped off on the African Savannah..naked and unarmed.

I have no idea if these people have any idea what actually goes on 24/7 in the natural animal kingdom..do you? I imagine that while one Lion or Hyena is clamping down on their throat as the others start to disembowel and consume them, that they'd simply gasp for something politically correct to say like,

"oh that's OK, these animals are just ((gurgle)) doing what comes ((gurgle))naturally to them ((aaaack))."

I imagine that they idealistically regard Humans as natural Herbivores? If so, at what point did they abandon Science and decide that we ignore millions of years of biological evolution ...HEY wait a minute, since they seem to love animals more than people, maybe they think that it's OK for Humans to eat, wear, experiment on, and use other Humans for our entertainment?

It all sounds quite Lecterian.

My best guesstimate is that the secret objective of PETA is to return Mankind back to that Edenic pre-'Fall from Grace' period mentioned in the Book of Genesis. If you remember your Sunday School lessons you'll recall the before SIN (Boo-Hiss) entered the world, Adam & Eve and every last one of the other 'lower' animals, were just easy goin' Herbivores.

Aw schucks..I can still see that cute, little, Lamb curled up beside that big, ole, Lion.

Perhaps PETA is a secret, religious, organization hellbent on returning the world to the way that God HIMSELF had supposedly intended it to be?

Hmmm?

I may have just uncovered an unforseen secret link between PETA and VEGGIE TALES.

Whatever their real goal is, the tall foreheads at PETA obviously prefer animals over people, and oddly enough, when it comes to Dinner, I do too.

HECLA-GIMLI
I spent this past Weekend in the heart of Manitoba's Vikingland along the shores of LAKEWHATEVERPEG .

Here in Gimli is a mural of the GIMLI GLIDER ..
back in '83 a Boeing 767 ran out of gas because Canada changed to f*cking Metric and the pilot made a miraculous impromptu landing on a Dragway strip...
which btw could not be repeated in Flight Simulators!

I do have some badass Nordic blood so I am right at home in these Fishing/Tourist Villages.. although I did miss the Elvis Competition by a few hours.

At Hecla I dove off of a perfectly good boat in my gitch (I am so spontaneous) out in the middle of an algae bloom..if you had bothered to read any of the Lake Whateverpeg link you'd know that it is a shallow giant (ie WARM) and there are no species of fish that prey on humans.

Back on land there is plenty of Wildlife in this Provincial Park and not all of it Human...although the local inhabitants are all colourful characters.
I saw Fox, Pelicans, Hawks, and snapped some pics of this Garter Snake and Plover.

Later in the evening, inside the rustic (and quite haunted) home of my Host, who is a bona fide Fisherman and Hunting Guide, I shot several animals that had already been shot! Did I mention that it was haunted?

I was sippin a few beverages and glancing up at the mounted Deer and Caribou peering down at me and then out of the blue this muthafrickin' uppity Bear started gittin all up in my bizness so

I said "You Take That Back!"

and he said "Bring It On"

and then he munched on my Berries!

So that's what I did on the second last Weekend of

Summer 2008.

I LOVE THE SOFAR CHANNEL

I must admit that my brain is still on Hollies but I did manage to intake a little info to try to kickstart the synapses.

Why do Humans know more about the Moon than the bottom of the Ocean?
We tend to look outward for insight...that's weird.
A good example of this behavior is found in THE TRUE BELIEVER by Eric Hoffer which I re-read religiously ((snort)) every Fall.

"Mass movements need people to devalue both the past and the present.
Mass movements appeal to frustrated people who are dissatisfied with their current state, but are capable of a strong belief in the future.
As well, mass movements appeal to people who want to escape a flawed self by creating an imaginary self and joining a collective whole."

Among other things it discusses how many people look out for inner strength because they are fleeing from freedom and the personal responsibility that it entails... LOOK OUT!! being the key phrase.

Oddly enough people who are content or reasonably so, think that the glass is half full and don't want to change the world. The Others want to validate their parking by grabbing on to something and someone else.

It also occurred to me that the Mammals with the largest brains on the planet have been communicating with others on the other side of the world for Millions of years...obviously it ain't Bloggers, try Whales...
and fyi Sperm Whales have the big 20 pound brain while ours may be more developed it only weighs about 3 lbs.

Whales can get down to the SOFAR CHANNEL (go ahead it's not too scientificky) and exchange their low frequency communications. Some scientists believe that Pacific and Atlantic Whales speak the same language but have a different accent..that's cool. You can check this out on one of the best shows that I have ever seen on the Discovery Channel HERE .

Since Summer will be over for us Northerners in a few weeks I am off to the Lake for the weekend to capture some lasting memories and I leave you with another young Canadian band that just so happens to have earwormed my noggin with my favorite Summer Song for '08.

SOFAR so good!

5,000 KM's Later

I just got back from a 5,000 Kilometre (Kanadian Miles) excursion from Whateverpeg to Vancouver and back...

and I tried ingesting Red Bull to stay awake but bleccchh!

Along the way I saw Grizzly Bears,

Sasquatch,

but the best part was driving though the beautiful Rocky Mountains.

I paddled in Lake Louise,

did Lunch in Banff,

and totally nerded out at the Royal Tyrell (DINOSAUR!!!!) Museum,

and the Vancouver Aquarium

...all fabulous!

There are 600 pics to go through, granted most of them are texbook 'Touristo Shots', but someday I should be able to stitch together a semi-coherent travelogue.

At night I would settle my nerves with a few Rumskies and watch the O-frickin-lympics in a Motel.

I'll start visiting tomorrow but my brain hurts because I got home at 3 a.m. so things are still fuzzy..

and I still feel like I'm moving.